WOMEN 

ETC. 


WOMEN 


ETC. 


SOME   LEAVES   FROM 
AN  EDITOR'S  DIARY 


BY 
GEORGE  HARVEY 


NEW      YORK      AND     LONDON 

HARPER  cr  BROTHERS  PUBLISHERS 

M  C  M  VI  I  I 


Copyright,  1908,  by  HARPER  &  BROTHERS. 

Copyright,  1906,  1907,  1908,  by 
THS  NORTH  AMERICAN  REVIEW  PUBLISHING  Co. 


All  rights  reserved. 
Published  October,  19 


CONTENTS 

PAGE 

WOMEN 

WHY  CASUISTRY  SHOULD  BE  STUDIED  BY  WOMEN  3 

THE  GREED  OF  WOMEN 7 

OF  FRIENDSHIP  AMONG  WOMEN n 

OF    WOMAN'S    RIGHT    TO    ENHANCE    NATURE'S 

CHARMS 14 

ON  BEING  YOUNGER  OR  OLDER 17 

THE  LESSON  OF  ASPASIA 20 

OF  THE  IGNORANCE  OF  WOMEN  IN  THE  MANAGE 
MENT  OF  MEN 25 

OF  SECOND  WIVES  AND  HUSBANDS 36 

ON  THE  TAXATION  OF  SPINSTERS 39 

WHY  BACHELORS   SHOULD  NOT  BE  TAXED    .     .  44 

THE  SELECTION  OF  A  HUSBAND 48 

THE   SAGACIOUS   FRIVOLITY   OF   WIDOWS    ...  54 

LOVE,   FICTION,   AND   LEARNED  LADIES  ....  58 
JEALOUSY    AS    A    CURABLE    DISEASE  AND    AS  AN 

ADMIRABLE   ATTRIBUTE 64 

THE  THEORY  AND  PRACTICE  OF  OSCULATION    .     .  69 

THE  AMERICAN  GIRLS  AND  BOYS 79 

OF  OBSTINACY  IN  CONVERSATION 85 

A  PLEA  FOR  LOQUACITY 89 

THE  NECESSITY  OF  WOMAN  SUFFRAGE    ....  94 

THE  UNEQUAL  CONDITIONS  OF  MEN  AND  WOMEN  98 

A  DECALOGUE   FOR   WOMEN?    .  101 


98G148 


CONTENTS 

ETC. 

THE  FOLLY  OF  WORRY,  AND  ITS  CURE    .     .     .     .  115 

OF  AMERICAN  MANNERS 120 

OF  SLEEPING,  DREAMING,  AND  SNORING    .     .     .  124 

DAY  DREAMS  ARE  THE  BETTER 128 

ON  THE  PROPER  CONDUCT  OF  FUNERALS .     .     .  131 

A  HOLIDAY  FOR  CAPITAL 139 

ONE  DISADVANTAGE  OF  GREAT  RICHES     .     .     .  143 

As  OUR  COUSINS  BEHOLD  Us 146 

OF  YANKEES  AND  "YANKEE  DOODLE"      .     .     .  150 

LONG  LIVE  ELIJAH  POGRAM! 160 

FOR  A  NEW  NATIONAL  HYMN 164 

OF  JAPANESE  HUMOR 167 

ARE     WE    UNCONSCIOUSLY    BECOMING     SOCIAL 
ISTIC?      169 

A  DRONING  YOUNG  SOCIALIST 174 

THE  VALUE  OF  A  LITTLE  KNOWLEDGE       .     .     .  177 

EXISTENCE  IN  A  GREAT  CITY 181 

THE  CONQUEST  OF  THE  AIR 183 

MODERN  EDUCATIONAL  METHODS 186 

THE  POWER  OF  SENTIMENT 189 

CONSCIENCE  AT  THE  CUSTOM-HOUSE       ....  191 

TOUCH  NOT,  TASTE  NOT,  HANDLE  NOT!    .     .     .  194 

OF  EDITORS  AND  THEIR  CRITICS 199 

OF  HONESTY  IN  ADVERTISING 203 

PERMANENCE  OF  A  HELPFUL  PASTIME  ....  207 

THE  HELPFULNESS  OF  FISHING 209 

SHOULD  WAITERS  WEAR  BEARDS? 212 

THE  PASSING  OF  THE  DEACON 214 

A  CHRISTMAS  PLEA  FOR  VANITY 221 

ON  BEHALF  OF  SATAN 224 

Is  GOD  OMNIPOTENT? 230 


DEDICATORY    NOTE 

Plato  reprehended  a  lad  for  playing  at  some 
childish  game.  "Thou  reprovest  me"  said  the 
boy,  "for  a  very  little  thing."  "Custom"  Plato 
replied,  "is  no  little  thing."  Cicero  went  a  step 
further  when  he  declared  :  ' '  Consuetudinis  magna 
vis  est ' ' ;  and  Pliny  capped  the  climax  with 
the  unqualified  assertion  :  ' '  Usus  efficacissimus 
rerum  omnium  magister."  We  may  not  assent 
to  Montaigne's  dictum  that  "the  laws  of  con 
science,  which  we  pretend  to  be  derived  from 
nature,  proceed  from  custom";  we  might  and 
probably  would,  if  pressed  for  exact  comparison, 
question  the  accuracy  of  Pliny's  superlative ;  but 
that  custom  is  indeed  of  "great  power"  and  "no 
little  thing"  nobody  who  has  eyes  to  see  and  ears 
to  hear  will  venture  to  deny. 

Now,  anybody  can  write  a  book,  though  not 
everybody  can  induce  its  publication,  because  of 
unfortunate  variances  of  opinion  between  authors 
and  publishers  respecting  the  quality  of  the  prod 
uct  ;  but  when  one  happens  to  be  in  a  position 
i 


DEDICATORY    NOTE 

to  make  a  volume,  without  regard  to  its  merits,  a 
peculiar  obligation  clearly  rests  upon  one  to  con 
form  to  the  dictates  of  the  authority  to  which  we 
have  referred.  The  respect  due  to  custom,  there 
fore,  is  responsible  for  the  dedicatory  note  now 
about  to  be  written  to  preface — well,  what  follows. 

To  whom,  then,  shall  these  fugitive  observations 
be  inscribed  ?  To  be  as  nearly  conventional  as 
the  editorial  form  of  expression  permits  we  should 
print  in  faultless  typography  the  words,  "  To  our 
wife."  But  the  truth  is  that  whenever  we  open  a 
book,  especially  a  first,  little  shivering  book,  and 
behold  that  familiar  inscription,  we  feel  as  we  feel 
when  we  push  around  the  bar  of  a  gate  and  enter  a 
cemetery.  It  is  inconsiderate  to  the  reader  to  dedi 
cate  a  book  in  that  way,  because,  if  he  be  truly  sen 
sitive  to  emotion,  he  is  apt,  at  the  -first  glance,  to 
be  stung  by  an  instinctive  feeling  that  he  ought  not 
to  be  there  by  the  fireside  of  those  whose  acquaint 
ance  he  has  yet  to  make.  Moreover,  in  these  days 
of  domestic  changeability  it  is  hazardous.  Who 
among  us  really  knows  who  will  be  his  consort 
when  the  inevitable  second  edition  leaves  the  press  ? 
"To  our  late  wife,"  if  she  be  with  the  other  angels, 
or,  "To  our  former  wife,1'  if  she  be  divorced,  would 
be  a  graceful  and  sufficiently  explicit  testimonial; 
4 '  To  our  present  wife ' '  seems  unobjectionable  if 
accompanied  by  the  date;  "To  our  future  wife" 
even  might  be  condoned  if  one  were  held  in  hopeful 
vision  ;  but  clearly  "  To  our  wife"  is  far  too  gen 
ii 


DEDICATORY    NOTE 

eral  and  inconclusive,  besides  evidencing  question 
able  taste  and  excessive  familiarity. 

An  earnest  desire  to  meet  so  far  as  may  be  the 
requirements  of  custom  naturally  fetches  other 
relatives  within  the  range  of  consideration.  "To 
our  aunt"  would  imply  a  kindly  thought,  but 
would  inevitably  be  accepted  by  some  as  sug 
gesting  that  she  had  no  children  of  her  own;  "To 
our  uncle"  would  serve  only  to  evoke  derision  from 
unfriendly  critics  who  would  profess  to  detect 
therein  indications  of  a  mercenary  or  self-seeking 
spirit.  And  so  throughout  the  list,  even  so  far  as 
"To  our  third  cousin  by  our  grandfather's  second 
wife,"  which  as  an  expression  all  will  admit 
would  be  cumbersome  and  unhappy. 

The  fittingness  of  an  inscription  must  also  be 
regarded.  It  would  be  most  discourteous,  for 
example,  to  address  a  book  on  "bridge"  to  a  bishop, 
or  on  ' '  spinsters  "  to  a  preacher  against  race  suicide; 
obviously  any  faux  pas  of  that  nature  must  be 
scrupulously  avoided.  Indeed,  as  we  pursue  our 
quest,  difficulties  seem  to  multiply.  "To  our  best 
friend"  has  the  merit  of  being  enigmatical,  but  it 
sounds  egoistical  and  offers  an  opportunity,  unduly 
tempting,  to  carpers  to  insinuate  that  "To  our 
worst  enemy"  would  be  more  exact.  Moreover, 
this  being  a  book  about  "Women,  Etc.,"  and  the 
absurdity  of  inscribing  it  to  "Etc."  or  to  all 
women,  including  widows,  being  apparent,  the 
field  becomes  almost  hopelessly  narrowed  and,  so 
far  as  we  can  perceive,  but  one  recourse  remains. 
iii 


DEDICATORY    NOTE 

So,  with  hearty  contempt  for  the  plated  bauble 
known  as  consistency,  we  place  this  small  aggrega 
tion  of  trifles  at  the  feet  of  a  most  excellent  comrade 
who,  through  no  fault  of  her  own,  happens  to  be 
a  wife  of  ours. 


WOMEN 


WOMEN 


Why  Casuistry  Should  be  Studied  by 

TT  is  a  singular  fact,  affording  occasion  for,  ,in- 
1  teresting  speculation,  that  in^the^ektikircli^ 
nary  intellectual  development  of  woman  which 
has  taken  place  in  the  past  century  casuis 
try  seems  to  have  been  and  still  to  be  ignored 
by  tacit  assent.  We  use  the  term,  not  in  its 
corrupted  or  secondary  sense  as  indicating  a  mere 
method  of  sophistical  and  unduly  subtle  reason 
ing,  but  in  its  original  meaning  as  signifying  the 
science  which  guides  the  human  conscience  in 
the  performance  of  its  duties.  For  this  task 
the  feminine  mind,  as  generally  conceived  by 
the  judgment  of  men,  seems  to  possess  peculiar 
adaptation — -a  fact  clearly  recognized  by  our 
predecessors,  who  added  "casuistess"  to  their 
vocabulary  simultaneously  with  "casuist";  but 
there  is  no  record  of  a  woman's  having  justified 
the  theory,  even  while  the  science  held  widest 
vogue,  and  the  word  has  now  become  so  nearly 
3 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

obsolete  as  to  be  found  in  hardly  any  of  our 
modern  dictionaries. 

The  natural  deduction  would  seem  to  be  that 
some  peculiar  quality  of  the  feminine  mind 
constitutes  a  practically  insurmountable  ob 
stacle  to  really  efficient  training  in  the  art; 
and,  frankly,  while  we  hesitate  to  accept  so 
distasteful,  a,  conclusion  not  fully  enforced  by 
eyi-de&if,',.  we;  must  admit  that  personal  obser 
vation  tends  to  confirm  that  view.  We  know 
inariy:  women,  whose  faculties  easily  permit  of 
primary  reasoning,  but  almost  invariably  when 
hard  pressed  they  reach  a  point  where  the  logi 
cal  faculty  gives  place  to  impatience  at  what  they 
regard  as  captious  contradiction,  and  instinct 
prompts  a  swift  leap  over  intervening  obstacles 
to  a  congenial  conclusion.  The  goal  often  is  the 
same  as  that  reached  by  the  slower  and  more 
guarded  processes  of  close  mental  application, 
but  confidence  that  it  is  indeed  the  true  one 
necessarily  rests  solely  upon  the  hypothesis  of 
intuitive  accuracy. 

To  this  seeming  deficiency,  we  suspect,  must 
be  attributed  the  common — by  which  we  mean 
vulgar — remark  that  a  woman's  argument  is 
restricted  to  the  word  "because."  Such  an 
assertion  is,  of  course,  a  gross  exaggeration, 
cynical  to  a  degree  and  unworthy,  from  its  very 
4 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

lack  of  qualitative  discrimination,  of  one  making 
the  slightest  pretence  of  sincerity.  It  is  true, 
undoubtedly,  that  woman's  inferences  are  drawn 
more  frequently  from  inner  consciousness  than 
from  the  careful  consideration  of  commonplace 
facts,  such,  for  example,  as  have  been  establish 
ed  by  wearisome  statistics,  but  this  is  due  less 
to  her  dearth  of  knowledge  than  to  her  abun 
dance  of  information,  which  has  so  wide  a  range 
that  specific  application  of  any  portion  of  it  to 
the  solution  of  a  definite  question  irritates  the 
mind  much  as  a  plaster  of  mustard  inflames  a 
constricted  section  of  the  body.  After  all,  in 
such  cases,  results  alone  deserve  serious  con 
templation,  and  we  have  no  hesitation  in  assert 
ing  the  superiority  of  the  feminine  deduction, 
in  so  far,  at  least,  as  any  problem  of  morals  or 
conscience  is  concerned. 

Why  so  few  women  are  gifted  with  that  in 
describable  and  invaluable  quality  vaguely  de 
fined  'as  a  sense  of  humor  we  have  never  been 
able  to  understand;  but,  surely,  adequate  com 
pensation  is  to  be  found  in  the  greater  keenness 
of  their  wit.  Indeed,  speaking  antithetically, 
man  has  ever  been  so  generally  recognized  as  the 
example,  par  excellence,  of  sheer  stupidity  that 
even  the  misogytiistical  Elizabethan  scholars 
did  not  take  the  trouble  to  give  a  feminine 
5 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

termination  to  the  word  ' '  dolt. ' '  Certain  writers 
have  maintained  that  no  woman  could  divine, 
without  making  direct  inquiry,  whether  one  is 
serious  or  whimsical,  so  one  keeps  one's  face 
free  from  tell-tale  expression;  but  is  not  this 
very  fact,  if  such  it  be,  evidence  of  her  greater 
straightforwardness?  Moreover,  while  it  is  un 
doubtedly  true  that  most  women  lie  about  one 
thing  or  another  from  the  time  they  enter  upon 
what  is  termed  their  social  existence,  is  not  their 
comparative  clumsiness  in  the  practice  of  that 
art  creditable  rather  than  the  reverse,  affording, 
as  it  does,  a  clear  indication  of  their  natural  in 
clination  toward  truthfulness  ? 

We  are  constrained  to  admit  that  in  philos 
ophy  and  correlative  matters  the  more  sensi 
tized  intellect  of  woman  has  made  little  prog 
ress  ;  hence  the  obsoleteness  of  "casuistess." 
Why,  we  cannot  tell.  The  defect — for  as  such 
we  must  regard  it,  in  view  of  the  severe  demands 
of  citizenship — may  be  inherent  and  incurable, 
or,  as  we  prefer  to  believe,  attributable  to  a 
condition  of  mind  which  has  impelled  them 
to  reject  any  trait  which  might  be  displeasing 
in  the  eyes  of  men.  It  is  in  the  hope  that  the 
latter  diagnosis  of  cause  is  correct  that  we  vent 
ure  suggestions  designed  to  induce  rigid  mental 
discipline  while  the  mind  is  still  in  plastic  form. 

6 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

We  have  the  greater  freedom  in  making  such 
suggestions  because  of  our  feeling  of  certainty 
that,  however  deficient  she  may  be  comparatively 
in  reflective  intellectuality,  woman  to-day  is  im 
measurably  superior  to  man  in  a  spiritual  sense. 
This  means  that  she  is  stronger  in  resistance  to 
pain  or  misfortune  in  any  experience  so  crucial 
as  to  require  the  support  of  the  highest-minded 
fortitude.  Despite  the  effects  of  hateful  mod 
ern  influences,  there  still  exists  no  authority  in 
the  world  so  powerful  as  the  simple  purity  of  a 
good  woman,  before  which  no  erring  man  can 
fail  to  feel  abashed. 


The  Greed  of  Women 

WHILE  admitting,  as  we  must  if  honest  in  our 
minds,  that  women  possess  the  greater  portion 
of  the  goodness  of  the  world,  we  cannot  deny 
and  we  should  not  overlook  the  patent  truth  that 
they  are  responsible  also  for  nearly,  if  not  quite, 
all  of  the  evil  practices  prevalent  among  men. 
It  is  certainly  trite  and  perhaps  idle  to  hark 
back  to  the  original  example  in  the  garden,  but 
there  is  surely  an  unmistakable  symptom  in 
the  unbroken  continuance  of  a  tendency  which 
cannot  rightfully  be  ignored.  Montaigne  noted 
it  in  the  case  of  the  woman  who  grossly  pur- 
7 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Joined  from  her  husband,  that,  as  she  told  her 
confessor,  she  might  distribute  more  liberal 
alms — "as  if,"  the  philosopher  adds,  disdain 
fully,  "anybody  would  believe  a  word  of  this 
religious  dispensation." 

The  fact,  however,  remains  to  this  day  that 
the  dominance  in  the  feminine  mind  of  intuition 
over  reason  produces  like  paradoxes  in  morals, 
and  is  largely  responsible  for  the  trials  and 
tribulations  now  being  experienced  in  this 
curiously  and  somewhat  causelessly  unhappy 
land.  Envy,  it  is  true,  lies  at  the  root  of  our 
trouble;  but,  oddly  enough,  envy  not  of  the 
rich  who  hold,  but  of  the  rich  who  give.  Men 
continue  to  amass  great  fortunes  and  keep  them 
to  themselves  or  bequeath  them  to  their  own, 
and  die  uncensured  by  their  fellows,  to  pass 
to  their  just  rewards  or  punishments  elsewhere; 
it  is  upon  those  who  are  suspected  of  purloining 
from  the  people  in  order  that  they  may  distribute 
more  liberal  alms,  that  the  wrath  of  the  popu 
lace  is  now  visited.  Undoubtedly,  instinctive 
resentment  of  the  double  gratification  thus  ob 
tained — of  first  acquiring  and  then  bestowing — 
constitutes  the  chief  cause  of  this  quite  general 
disapproval;  but  it  is  clearly  the  fault,  as  we 
have  indicated,  of  intuition  inherited  from  wom 
an  rather  than  of  the  reasoning  faculty  granted 
8 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

by  the  Maker,  for  some  purpose  known  only  to 
Himself,  to  man. 

Greed  lies  at  the  bottom  —  woman's  greed, 
transmitted  to  her  unfortunate  sons.  We  cast 
no  aspersions  nor  would  we  contemplate  for  a 
moment  indulgence  in  complacent  crimination; 
we  merely  state  the  truth  as  it  seems  to  the  dis 
passionate  observer.  Indeed,  to  us  the  ex 
ceptional  greed  of  woman,  painful  but  necessary 
to  record,  has  ever  seemed  one  of  the  most  at 
tractive  qualities  of  a  being  so  complex  that 
only  divinity  itself  would  have  had  the  hardi 
hood  to  fetch  it  into  existence.  It  corresponds 
in  no  sense  to  the  gluttony  of  man  in  respect  to 
food  or  drink,  or  the  avarice  of  man  as  to  worldly 
goods.  We  have  never  known  a  woman  who 
could  not,  for  appearance's  sake,  curb  her 
appetite  for  fattening  condiments  with  com 
parative  ease;  she,  too,  is  a  notable  exception 
who  fails  to  reduce  mere  money  more  closely 
than  a  man  could  possibly  do  to  its  proper 
place  in  relationship  with  other  desirable  pos 
sessions.  Not  that  the  woman  is  by  nature  the 
more  generous;  far  from  it;  as  to  small  things 
she  is  stingy;  but  in  large  ways  her  intuition  is 
broader,  wiser,  and  conducive  to  finer  sacrifice 
of  self  than  the  more  reflective  trait  of  the 
average  man. 

9 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

A  woman  of  Ardea,  according  to  Machiavelli, 
refused  to  consent  to  the  marriage  of  her  rich 
daughter  with  a  plebeian  whose  suit  was  favored 
by  the  young  woman's  guardians,  and  thereby 
stirred  up  strife  between  the  classes  to  such 
a  point  that  the  lowly  born  appealed  to  the 
Volscians,  and  the  nobility  to  the  Romans,  for 
aid.  Savage  warfare  ensued,  and  when  finally 
the  Romans  triumphed  all  the  chiefs  of  what 
they  were  pleased  to  regard  as  the  sedition  were 
put  to  death.  Whereupon  the  philosopher  sad 
ly  reflects  that:  "first,  we  see  that  women  have 
been  the  cause  of  great  dissensions  and  much 
ruin  to  states,  and  have  caused  great  damage 
to  those  who  govern  them."  What  became 
of  the  girl  and  her  dowry  he  fails  to  record,  and 
at  this  late  day,  though  regretfully,  we  may 
perhaps  admit  the  unprofitableness  of  searching 
inquiry  on  that  subject. 

The  real  point  lies  in  the  fact  that  the  sagacious 
adviser  of  princes  was  disposed  to  reprehend  the 
mother  for  insisting  upon  wedding  her  daughter 
to  a  noble.  We  behold  similar  examples  to  this 
day  and  smile  occasionally  at  exhibitions  of 
overweening  social  ambition ;  but,  after  all,  only 
the  motive  deserves  consideration.  Then,  as 
often  happens  now,  the  mother  realized  that  she 
was  subjecting  herself  to  ridicule,  but  she  was 
10 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

quite  ready  and  willing  to  bear  the  odium  for 
the  sake  of  her  child.  Despite  the  disastrous 
results,  therefore,  her  act,  considered  by  itself, 
was  noble. 

So  it  is  with  the  greed  of  woman  generally. 
It  is  more  inordinate  than  that  of  man,  but  it  is 
never  sordid,  and  has  its  root  almost  invariably 
in  devotion  to  one  more  beloved  by  her  than 
herself.  The  only  hunger,  speaking  broadly, 
she  feels  for  self  is  for  affection,  and  such  greed, 
no  less  than  that  for  the  best  that  can  be  had 
for  one's  own,  is,  we  maintain,  not  material,  but 
truly  spiritual  and  therefore  worthy  of  God's 
lesser  creatures. 


Of  Friendship  Among  Women 

CAN  women  be  friends?  History  and  tra 
dition  abound  in  evidences  of  great  and  en 
during  attachments  among  men.  "The  soul 
of  Jonathan  was  knit  with  the  soul  of  David" 
so  firmly  that  the  Hebrew  prince  did  not  hesitate 
to  incur  the  wrath  of  the  great  king,  his  father, 
and  himself  forfeit  the  crown;  the  Pythagorean 
Damon  was  happy  to  pledge  his  very  life  for 
the  doubtful  reappearance  of  Pythias;  even  the 
egoist  Montaigne  was  so  much  affected  by  the 
death  of  La  Boetie  that,  to  escape  from  his 
ii 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

melancholy,  he  "chose  a  new  mistress,"  and  at 
intervals  to  the  day  of  his  death,  in  the  words 
of  his  own  journal,  "was  suddenly  seized  with 
such  painful  thoughts  of  his  friend,  and  it  was 
so  long  before  he  came  to  himself,  that  it  did 
him  much  harm." 

Subjecting  this  emotion  to  analysis,  in  con 
formity  with  his  custom,  he  reached  the  con 
clusion  that  true  friendship  could  exist  only 
between  beings  wholly  independent  one  of 
another.  A  father  could  not  hold  the  relation 
ship  toward  his  son,  because  of  the  stronger 
paternal  attitude  and  the  necessary  disparity 
in  age  prohibiting  equal  comprehension  of  all 
subjects;  between  brothers,  "the  complication 
of  interests,  the  division  of  estates,  the  raising 
of  the  one  at  the  undoing  of  the  other,  strangely 
weaken  and  slacken  the  fraternal  tie,"  since  of 
necessity  pursuing  fortune  and  advancement  by 
the  same  path  they  must  often  jostle  and  hinder 
one  another;  betwixt  the  sexes  love  intervenes, 
"more  active,  more  eager,  more  sharp,  but 
withal  more  precipitous,  fickle,  moving,  and  in 
constant,  a  fever  subject  to  intermission," 
whereas  true  friendship  is  "a  general  and  uni 
versal  fire,"  temperate  and  equal,  constant  and 
steady,  easy  and  smooth,  "without  poignancy 
or  roughness";  indeed,  even  among  them- 

12 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

selves,  women  are  pronounced  incapable  of 
maintaining  the  sacred  tie,  not  being  "endued 
with  firmness  of  mind  to  endure  the  constraint 
of  so  hard  and  durable  a  knot." 

In  this  final,  brusque  declaration  the  philoso 
pher  readily  accepted  the  teachings  of  the  an 
cient  schools  without  regard  to  the  fact,  which 
even  then  he  must  have  surmised,  that  recogni 
tion  of  his  own  great  powers  was  to  depend  upon 
the  unselfish  devotion  and  untiring  efforts  of 
the  adopted  daughter,  whose  soul,  he  predicted, 
would  "one  day  be  capable  of  very  great  things, 
and,  among  others,  of  the  perfection  of  that 
sacred  friendship  to  which  we  do  not  read  that 
any  of  her  sex  could  even  yet  arrive."  We  can 
but  conclude  that,  in  common  with  the  majority 
of  his  sex,  the  great  man  was  convinced  that  a 
happy  exception  had  been  made  for  his  par 
ticular  benefit  in  suitable  recognition  of  his 
extraordinary  talents. 

But  it  is  easy  to  convict  a  verbose  philosopher 
of  inconsistency;  the  question  whether  women 
are  temperamentally  capable  of  true  friendship 
still  remains.  Sacrifices  for  the  sake  of  love  of 
man  and  offspring  are  recorded  without  number, 
but  female  Davids  and  Damons  are  not  readily 
discovered  in  either  history  or  legend.  Pro 
fessions  of  Platonic  affection  continue  to  evoke 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

jeers  of  incredulity,  and  the  traditional  dis- 
ingenuousness  of  "dearest  friends"  still  plays 
well  its  part  in  caricature.  The  changeableness 
of  woman's  nature  has  become  axiomatic.  Can 
it  be  that,  throughout  the  ages,  even  to  these 
enlightened  days,  it  has  retained  consistency 
in  this  respect  alone  ?  It  suffices  for  us  to  raise 
the  question;  to  others  of  more  certain  mind  we 
relinquish  the  hazardous  privilege  of  adducing 
evidence  and  passing  judgment. 


Of  Woman's  Right  to  Enhance  Nature's  Charms 

WE  have  never  been  able  to  understand  why 
any  one  should  wish  to  be  younger  or  older  than 
he  or  she  really  is.  Vanity,  of  course,  must  be 
reckoned  with  as  a  potent  force  among  human 
frailties,  and  is  responsible,  doubtless,  for  much 
of  woman's  resentment  at  the  ravages  of  passing 
years.  But  it  is  not  the  flight  of  time,  nor  even 
the  contemplation  of  a  steady  approach  to  the 
limit  of  human  existence,  that  offends  her  in 
stinct;  neither  of  these  considerations  really 
enters  her  mind.  It  is  the  change  in  physical 
appearance  inseparable  from  growing  old  that 
sinks  into  her  heart  with  every  glance  at  a 
mirror  and  makes  her  sad;  angry,  too,  with 
God  for  not  imposing  the  same  penalties  upon 
14 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

aging  men.  She  would  not  express  the  feeling 
in  those  words;  if  so  bluntly  put,  she  might 
affrightedly  deny  its  existence;  but  pressed  for 
an  answer,  if  truthful,  as  most  women  are  in  such 
matters,  while  dodging  the  fixing  of  responsi 
bility  for  this  seeming  discrimination  against 
her  sex,  she  will  insist  invariably  upon  the  un 
fairness  of  the  arrangement  whereby  a  process 
that  adds  to  man's  physical  distinction  detracts 
from  woman's  charm. 

For  ourselves,  we  make  it  a  point  seldom  to 
criticise  publicly  the  methods  of  the  Creator  in 
shaping  the  destinies  of  the  human  race;  but 
in  this  instance  we  frankly  concede  the  ap 
parent  justice  of  woman's  instinctive  attitude. 
Happily,  however,  we  seem  to  perceive  in  the 
wearing  away  of  men's  prejudices  signs  of  miti 
gation  of  the  inequity.  Time  was,  not  so  long 
ago,  when,  holding  the  fixed  opinions  of  youth, 
we  sternly  reprehended  such  innocent  practices 
as  changing  the  color  of  one's  hair,  or  brightening 
the  complexion  on  occasion,  or  even  dieting 
seriously  for  the  figure's  sake.  Not  so  now! 
The  most  casual  consideration  growing  out  of 
philosophical  observation  has  not  merely  modi 
fied  our  views,  but  has  virtually  changed  them 
altogether.  It  may  still  be,  as  once  we  con 
fidently  asserted  and  now  often  hear  from  others 


WOMEN,   ETC. 

like  foolish,  that  there  is  nothing  so  beautiful 
as  a  young  face  in  a  frame  of  silver  gray;  but 
when  the  possessor  of  those  incongruous  features 
happens  to  be  the  wife  of  a  man  most  often  taken 
to  be  her  son,  we  declare  her  resort  to  henna  to 
be  not  only  a  right,  but  a  duty  to  both.  The 
custom  of  lacing  we  judge  to  be  far  less  prevalent 
than  it  was  a  dozen  years  ago;  the  wiser  method 
of  dieting  seems  to  have  superseded  it;  but,  even 
so,  no  fair-minded  person  can  behold  a  woman 
without  realizing  that  God  meant  her  to  be 
attractive;  and  He  knows,  as  well  as  we,  that 
there  is  nothing  more  hideous  than  an  uncouth 
feminine  appearance.  In  passing  judgment  upon 
this  point,  therefore,  even  on  religious  grounds, 
we  could  go  no  further  conscientiously  than  St. 
Paul  went  in  enjoining  moderation  in  all  things. 
Moreover,  we  believe  in  woman's  right  as  well 
as  in  women's  rights,  just  as  we  hang  tenaciously 
to  the  doctrine  of  individual  liberty  for  man. 
As  a  people,  we  will  not  go  far  astray  if  we  sustain 
the  time-honored  principle  that  they  are  best 
governed  who  are  least  governed,  and  further 
insist  that  each  and  every  thinking  person  may 
do  whatever  in  the  world  best  pleases  himself 
or  herself,  so  long  as  such  conduct  does  not  af 
fect  deleteriously  the  welfare  of  the  community. 
That  is  the  distinctively  American  idea  and  the 
16 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

basis  of  all  true  freedom;  wherefore,  we  set  our 
face  fixedly  against  every  opposing  tendency, 
political  or  otherwise,  and  earnestly  maintain 
that  woman's  enhancement,  by  harmless  arti 
fices,  of  Nature's  endowment  of  charm  is  as 
clearly  her  inalienable  prerogative  as  immunity 
from  interference  with  thought  and  speech  is 
that  of  man. 


On  Being  Younger  or  Older 

THERE  seem  to  be  a  beginning  and  an  end  of 
the  above  reflection,  and  there  may  be  correla 
tion  between  the  two,  but  if  so  we  humbly  con 
fess  our  inability  to  detect  it.  What  the  desira 
bility  of  growing  old  gracefully,  in  conformity 
with  the  plain  intent  of  nature,  has  to  do  with 
safeguarding  personal  liberty  would  pass  the 
comprehension  of  a  Solomon.  Who  cares  ?  No 
journey  is  so  delightful  as  that  which  leads  no 
one  knows  whither,  and  whose  end  is  unforeseen 
even  by  the  wayfarer  himself.  And  yet  the  mere 
orderliness  of  mind  which  should  not  countenance 
vagaries,  leaving  a  premise  suspended  in  the  air, 
and  never  so  much  as  pointing  to  a  conclusion, 
surely  calls  for  duteous  observance. 

Why,  then,  do  persons  wish  they  were  younger 
in  years?  Is  the  motive  to  be  found  in  an 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

honest  desire  to  live  one's  life  over  and  better, 
or  in  mere  envy  of  those  who  seem  to  be  lighter- 
hearted  ?  If  the  former,  there  is  no  good  reason 
to  believe  that  the  wider  experience  brought  into 
play  would  make  adequate  compensation  for 
the  certain  loss  of  the  enthusiasm  of  ignorance; 
if  the  latter,  there  could  be  no  effect  other  than 
the  unhappiness  of  mental,  moral,  and  even 
physical  isolation.  The  fulness  of  enjoyment  of 
companionship  can  be  had  only  with  one's  con 
temporaries  in  years,  faculties,  and  sympathies. 
Ignorance  may  profit  from  association  with  wis 
dom,  but  only  through  distasteful  confession 
of  inferiority  by  the  one  and  shameful  waste 
of  time  by  the  other.  Not  even  egotism  can 
long  abide  such  relationship;  overweening  con 
ceit,  which  itself  is  the  essence  of  folly,  alone 
can  endure  it.  Undeniably,  inspiration  may 
be  drawn  from  the  young  and  useful  lessons 
from  the  old,  but  these  are  mere  helps  to  one's 
own  equipment,  such  as  can  be  obtained  with 
greater  readiness  and  a  sense  of  surer  guidance 
from  books. 

We  heard  once,  not  authoritatively,  of  course, 
and  yet  with  sufficient  indication  of  verity,  of 
an  aged  man  who  died  and  went  to  heaven, 
and,  being  accorded  the  privilege  of  appointing 
his  own  form  of  beatitude,  seized  the  oppor- 
18 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

tunity  to  gratify  a  desire  that  had  possessed 
him  for  many  years,  and  took  his  place  among 
the  young  angels.  He  found  himself  in  hell. 
The  immaturity  of  their  knowledge  inspired  in 
his  breast  only  pity  and  contempt;  his  own 
superior  wisdom,  on  the  other  hand,  so  bored 
their  buoyant  spirits  that  they  flew  away  from 
him  at  every  opportunity;  necessarily,  therefore, 
he  was  left  solitary  and  miserable,  and  was  glad, 
indeed,  to  return  to  the  company  of  his  equals. 

The  famous  American  philosopher  who  re 
lated  to  us  this  incident  would  not  guarantee  its 
authenticity,  but  we  have  no  doubt  whatever 
that  the  result  of  a  similar  experiment  on  earth 
would  be  the  same.  Nature  hedges  us  about 
with  certain  restrictions  which  may  as  well  be 
recognized  cheerfully,  since  they  cannot  be  ig 
nored.  For  ourselves,  after  no  small  waste  of 
time  in  testing  theories,  we  find  personal  associa 
tion  with  men  slightly  younger  and  with  women 
a  few  years  older  to  be  the  most  profitable. 
Lacking  the  opportunity  of  communing  with 
either,  we  turn  promptly  to  the  ambitious  and 
well-bred  American  lad  or  to  his  placid  and 
spiritually  inclined  grandmother;  with  silly 
girls  and  vain  old  men  we  have  no  patience,  and 
we  extend  to  them  only  such  consideration  as 
courtesy  exacts. 

19 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Under  no  circumstances  would  we,  if  we  could, 
be  a  single  day  further  from  or  nearer  to  the 
grave.  A  desire  to  be  younger,  carried  to  its 
logical  conclusion,  would  result  in  a  hope  to  live 
and  strive  for  food  and  clothes  or  their  equiva 
lents  forever,  than  which  surely  no  prospect 
could  be  more  dreary  or  fatal  to  incentive.  On 
the  whole,  we  are  disposed  to  believe  that  the 
wish  to  renew  one's  youth,  which  we  hear  ex 
pressed  so  often,  is  wholly  thoughtless,  and,  if 
the  opportunity  for  its  gratification  really  of 
fered,  would  be  abandoned  as  quickly  as  any 
person  living  would  reject  a  proposal  to  make  a 
complete  exchange  of  soul,  mind,  body  and  all 
surrounding  conditions  with  any  other  person. 


The  Lesson  of  Aspasia 

SOMEBODY  has  mentioned  Aspasia  as  an 
example  of  the  superior  possibilities  of  woman. 
Aspasia  was,  indeed,  a  genius.  She  was  for 
bidden  by  the  unique  Athenian  law  to  contract 
marriage  with  a  citizen,  but  it  would  be  a  grave 
mistake  to  assume  that  she  was  thereby  de 
prived  of  opportunities  to  achieve  greatness. 
On  the  contrary,  strange  to  say,  her  apparent 
disqualification  was  her  real  opportunity;  for 
the  high-born  Athenian  girl,  seemingly  more 
20 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

fortunate,  when  at  length  she  was  wedded  to  a 
husband  who  had  been  chosen  for  her  by  old 
women  in  her  early  years,  was  by  custom  rele 
gated  to  the  attic  and  forbidden  that  association 
with  others  which  is  essential  to  the  refine 
ment  of  mind  and  manners.  But  possessing 
neither  beauty  nor  certain  other  attributes  now 
adays  considered  essential  to  the  maintenance 
of  a  secure  position  in  polite  society,  Aspasia's 
wit,  wisdom,  tact,  and  charm  sufficed  to  win  for 
her  a  personal  influence  over  learned  men  not 
wielded  before  or  since  by  any  woman.  In 
common  with  all  of  the  stranger- women,  she 
was  free  to  practise  arts  of  pleasing,  and  was 
encouraged  by  custom  to  invent  new  methods 
of  feeding  the  vanity  of  men.  Undoubtedly, 
too,  in  studying  how  best  to  first  ensnare  and 
then  enslave,  she  profited  from  the  advice  of  the 
experienced  philosophers,  just  as  the  gentle 
Theodota  was  guided  by  Socrates  himself. 
That  her  ultimate  success  was  purely  intellect 
ual  is  clearly  evidenced  by  the  fact  that  the 
most  scrupulous  citizens  brought  their  own 
wives  to  her  for  instruction;  but  it  is  unlikely 
that  the  powerful  Pericles  would  have  been 
driven  to  the  extremity  of  tears  to  win  her 
acquittal  from  a  sympathetic  tribunal  if,  at 
the  beginning,  at  least,  her  life  had  not  been 

21 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

as    sensual    as    that   of   the   majority    of    her 
class. 

But  does  not  the  real  question  of  Aspasia's 
superiority  relate  less  to  the  extent  of  her  in 
fluence  than  to  the  good  or  ill  wrought  by  its 
exercise  ?  It  is  true  that  she  urged  the  unfort 
unate  citizen-women  to  strive  to  attain  a  higher 
level  by  cultivating  attractiveness  of  mind  and 
person;  but  she  must  have  realized,  possibly  not 
without  gratification,  that  advice  so  sardonic 
necessarily,  however  earnest,  could  avail  little. 
In  point  of  fact,  indeed,  the  effect  produced 
was  quite  the  reverse  of  that  apparently  hoped 
for.  The  citizen -women  were  depressed  and 
the  hetaerae  were  exhilarated  by  Aspasia's  suc 
cess;  and  from  the  day  of  her  ascendency  the 
former  lost  ground  steadily,  and  the  latter  be 
came  more  and  more  prominent  and  influential, 
until  finally  the  wives  were  lost  sight  of  alto 
gether.  Not  one  of  their  names  appears  on  the 
pages  of  history  from  Athens's  golden  age  to  its 
decline,  while  simultaneously  the  records  abound 
increasingly  in  mention  of  the  "companions." 
Nobody  ever  heard  of  Mrs.  Plato,  or  Mrs. 
Aristotle,  or  Mrs.  Epicurus,  or  Mrs.  Isocrates; 
but  Archeanassa,  Herpyllis,  Leontium,  and  Me- 
taneira  were  names  familiar  to  every  resident  of 
Athens.  So  were  scores  of  others.  One  writer 

22 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

painted  fascinating  pictures  of  one  hundred  and 
thirty-three;  the  comic  poets  chronicled  their 
witty  sayings  and  turned  them  into  verse ;  sculp 
tors,  inspired  by  the  dazzling  appearance  of  the 
most  beautiful  women  the  world  has  ever  seen, 
preserved  to  posterity  their  fine  features;  artists, 
statesmen,  teachers — all  were  at  their  feet. 

Meanwhile,  the  wives  remained  at  home  caring 
for  unloved  children,  and  so  lost  to  the  refine 
ments  of  their  ancestors  that  before  the  end  of 
the  dismal  story  we  are  told  that  they  ate  like 
dogs,  tearing  away  meat  with  their  teeth  and 
cramming  it  into  their  mouths.  And  yet,  in 
theory  and  before  the  law,  these  neglected  and 
degraded  women  continued  to  be  responsible  for 
the  propagation  of  a  race,  while  no  burden  rested 
upon  the  shoulders  of  those  better  equipped, 
but  unrecognized  by  the  state.  From  the  down 
fall  of  the  nation  which  inevitably  ensued,  are 
we  not  forced  not  only  to  conclude  that  the  decay 
of  Athens  began  with  the  ascendency  of  Aspasia, 
but  also  to  infer  that  no  state  can  long  survive 
the  humiliation  of  one  sex  by  the  other,  or  even 
withstand  the  unavoidable  effect  of  open  disre 
gard  of  what  might  be  termed  instinctive  conven 
tion? 

If  so,  the  lesson  is  one  well  learned  in  these 
days  of  loosening  marital  ties,  since  it  supple- 
23 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

ments  that  which  has  come  to  be  regarded  as 
only  a  moral  requirement  with  a  vitally  prac 
tical  reason  for  sturdy  resistance  to  further  en 
croachments  upon  the  wholesome  condition  tra 
ditionally  attained  through  matrimony. 

The  same  thoughtless  writer  who  has  thus 
misrepresented  the  influence  of  Aspasia  quotes 
the  opinion  of  that  satiric  poet  Hipponax,  to 
the  effect  that  the  only  two  pleasant  days  a 
man  has  with  his  wife  are  those  of  her  marriage 
and  of  her  burial — a  remark  which  could  find 
response  only  in  the  shallowest  of  minds.  An 
observation  based  upon  aught  else  than  truth 
is  not  satirical,  but  silly — and  such  is  this  of 
Hipponax.  The  fact,  as,  of  course,  every  one 
of  experience  well  knows,  is  that  the  most 
trying  and  profanity-provoking  days  in  a  man's 
life  are  those  when  he  marries  and  buries  a  con 
sort.  On  neither  occasion  is  he  the  central 
figure;  on  each  he  is  an  object  of  sympathy 
rather  than  of  envy;  and  his  masculine  spirit 
revolts  against  the  enforcement  of  passivity  no 
less  than  against  the  interruption  of  business. 
A  week  or  so  later,  in  both  cases,  he  becomes 
reconciled,  enthusiastically  or  decorously,  as  the 
case  may  be,  to  the  requirements  of  fate;  but 
for  the  time  he  is  the  most  wretched  of  beings. 
To  offer  such  an  opinion  upon  the  authority  of 
24 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

a  choleric  humpback  whose  sole  claim  to  dis 
tinction  rests  upon  his  invention  of  a  choliambic 
measure  substituting  a  spondee  for  the  final 
iambus  in  an  iambic  trimeter  is,  to  our  mind, 
absurd.  A  "satiric  poet,"  forsooth,  who  spared 
neither  his  own  parents  nor  the  gods,  who  never 
experienced  even  his  own  vaunted  gratification 
at  either  marrying  or  burying  a  wife,  because 
he  never  had  one!  A  lot  he  knew  about  it  as 
compared  with  us  of  the  present  enlightened 
day! 


Of  the  Ignorance  of  Women  in  the  Management  of  Men 

THAT  the  modern  woman  approaching  or 
passing  through  the  tiresome  middle  age  should 
attach  more  importance  to  the  maintenance  of 
her  own  figure  in  pleasing  outlines  than  to  that 
of  her  husband  is  not  surprising;  from  child 
hood  she  has  been  taught  that  beauty  and  grace 
are  essentials  of  the  gentle  sex  only,  strength 
being  regarded  as  the  main  requisite  of  the  other. 
No  particular  disadvantage,  therefore,  inures  to 
a  youth,  in  the  esteem  of  his  fair  companion, 
from  ruggedness  of  features,  so  long  as  his 
disposition  is  amiable,  his  attentions  exclusive, 
and  his  prospects  satisfactory;  but  if  he  be  fat, 
his  chances  of  winning  favor  are  correspondingly 

3  25 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

slim.  It  is  not  that  a  chubby  appearance  is  so 
distasteful  in  itself,  but  rather  that  it  is  so 
provocative  of  ridicule  as  virtually  to  preclude 
serious  consideration  of  him  as  a  suitor  in  the 
mind  of  a  proud  and  sensitive  maiden. 

Insensible  change  of  attitude  follows  marriage 
almost  immediately,  and  grows  and  grows,  until, 
in  the  forties,  as  we  have  noted,  undivided  at 
tention  is  given  by  the  female  to  her  form;  and 
the  male  may  with  impunity  disregard  considera 
tions  pertaining  to  his  physical  attractiveness, 
if  he  retain  sufficient  activity  to  be  known  to  the 
community  as  a  good  provider. 

We  need  not  question  the  propriety  of  one  sex 
absorbing  and  monopolizing  beauty  in  order 
to  demonstrate  the  folly  of  such  a  policy;  we 
may  even  go  so  far  as  to  admit  that  greater 
goodness  is  the  inevitable  accompaniment  of 
superior  grace,  and  yet  find  a  fatal  weakness  in 
the  heedless  custom.  It  is  natural  and  right 
that  a  woman  should  be  selfish;  but,  so  being, 
she  only  deprives  herself  of  full  gratification  if 
she  fails  to  nourish  her  husband  as  carefully  as 
she  preserves  pickles  at  least,  and  keep  him  good 
to  behold  and  long  to  live.  The  aged  saying 
that  "at  forty  a  man  is  a  physician  or  a  fool" 
may  have  some  basis  if  he  be  a  bachelor;  but, 
if  married,  he  is  properly  chargeable  with  no 
26 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

obligation  whatever  to  familiarize  himself  with 
the  conditions  which  are  conducive  to  his 
physical  well-being.  The  entire  responsibility 
rests  upon  the  wife,  who  has  vastly  more  at  stake, 
to  care  for,  while  pretending  to  obey,  him.  It 
is  his  privilege,  therefore,  to  be  the  fool  and  her 
duty  to  be  the  physician  herself. 

And  how  ill-equipped  for  the  performance  of 
this  task,  however  well-intentioned,  is  the  aver 
age  woman!  Practically  all  she  knows  is  that 
milk  is  good  for  babies,  and  all  she  thinks  is 
that  grown  men  must  have  much  food  to  feed 
the  furnaces  of  their  physical  organism.  A 
failing  appetite  is  to  her  a  signal  of  danger,  and, 
forthwith,  anxious  and  well-meaning,  she  places 
before  him  tempting  viands  and  pleads  with  him 
to  try  to  eat  more  if  only  to  please  her,  with  the 
inevitable  consequence  that  he,  being  weak  and 
chivalrous,  and  hating  to  be  hectored  and  wept 
over,  lugubriously  yields  and  adds  fuel,  often 
fatal,  to  a  lurking  disorder.  Wilful  ignorance 
is  at  the  bottom  of  all  such  blundering;  while 
fatuously  striving  to  save  them,  women  kill 
good  providers  by  the  score,  and  then  hold 
themselves  to  be  fit  objects  of  sympathy  be 
cause,  forsooth,  of  their  self-imposed  widowhood. 

Frankly,  we  have  no  patience  with  such  per 
sons.  There  is  no  more  occasion  for  a  woman 
27 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

under  sixty  to  be  a  widow  than  there  is  for  her 
to  be  a  spinster;  the  average  man  is  tough, 
easily  guided,  and  only  too  glad  to  conform 
to  any  subtle  suggestions  that  are  not  too 
obviously  for  his  good  or  too  contrary  to  his 
inclinations. 

Tact  is  requisite,  of  course,  but  this  is  a 
possession  common  to  all  women;  the  lack  is  in 
rudimentary  knowledge  of  the  demonstrated 
methods  of  prolonging  physical  life.  Take,  for 
example,  the  simple  matter  of  diet.  Hardly 
a  woman  now  alive  is  ignorant  of  what  hers 
should  be;  to  preserve  that  corporeal  symmetry 
to  which  we  have  alluded  she  has  sought  pro 
fessional  advice;  but  did  ever  one  hear  of  a 
woman  paying  real  money  to  a  physician  for 
prescription  of  a  diet  to  obviate  impending 
corpulence  on  the  part  of  her  husband  ?  For 
such  purposes  she  relies  unhesitatingly  upon  her 
boasted  instinct;  he  smokes  too  much  if  bilious, 
or  he  drinks  too  freely  if  growing  stout,  and  she 
so  informs  him;  but  the  information  is  not  news, 
and  the  truth  is  so  disagreeable  to  any  really 
human  man  that  he  feels  quite  justified  in  re 
marking,  as  he  usually  does  in  such  instances, 
upon  the  propriety  of  officious  persons  mind 
ing  their  own  business.  His  attitude  is  neither 
obtuse  nor  contumacious,  but  he  desires  tactful 
28 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

suggestion  of  a  rational  remedy,  not  mere  re 
proachful  statement  of  bitter  fact,  and  that  is 
what  the  woman  who  has  failed  to  equip  herself 
for  the  performance  of  her  duty  as  a  caretaker 
is  unable  to  give.  Primarily,  therefore,  women 
are  responsible,  through  ignorance,  for  the  mul 
tiplication  of  tobacco  hearts  and  the  filling  of 
married  drunkards'  graves.  We  say  it  firmly 
but  not  unkindly,  as  we  shall  now  proceed  to 
demonstrate  by  indicating  in  a  general  way  how 
a  man,  having  been  properly  reared,  may  in 
ordinary  circumstances  be  kept  alive  and  work 
ing  for  his  family  as  long  as  his  services  may 
be  required. 

Much  has  been  written  but  little  learned  re 
specting  diet  since  the  beginning  of  the  sixteenth 
century,  when  Luigi  Cornaro,  at  the  age  of 
eighty-three,  set  down  the  results  of  his  personal 
experience  in  his  first  essay  on  regimen  for  the 
aged  entitled,  Discorsi  delta  Vita  Sobria,  pub 
lished  at  Padua  in  1558.  Thus  he  wrote: 

"There  are  old  lovers  of  feeding  who  say  that 
it  is  necessary  that  they  should  eat  and  drink  a 
great  deal  to  keep  up  their  natural  heat,  which 
is  constantly  diminishing  as  they  advance  in  years ; 
and  that  it  is,  therefore,  their  duty  to  eat  heartily, 
and  of  such  things  as  please  their  palate,  be  they 
hot,  cold,  or  temperate;  and  that,  were  they  to 

29 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

lead  a  sober  life,  it  would  be  a  short  one.  To  this 
I  answer  that  our  kind  mother,  Nature,  in  order 
that  old  men  may  live  still  to  a  greater  age,  has 
contrived  matters  so  that  they  should  be  able  to 
subsist  on  little,  as  I  do,  for  large  quantities  of 
food  cannot  be  digested  by  old  and  feeble  stomachs. 
.  .  .  By  always  eating  little,  the  stomach,  not  being 
much  burdened,  need  not  wait  long  to  have  an 
appetite.  It  is  for  this  reason  that  dry  bread 
relishes  so  well  with  me;  and  I  know  it  from  ex 
perience,  and  can  with  truth  affirm,  I  find  such 
sweetness  in  it  that  I  should  be  afraid  of  sinning 
against  temperance,  were  it  not  for  my  being  con 
vinced  of  the  absolute  necessity  of  eating  of  it, 
and  that  we  cannot  make  use  of  a  more  natural 
food.  And  thou,  kind  parent,  Nature,  who  actest 
so  lovingly  by  thy  aged  offspring,  in  order  to 
prolong  his  days,  hast  contrived  matters  so  in  his 
favor  that  he  can  live  upon  very  little;  and  in 
order  to  add  to  the  favor,  and  do  him  still  greater 
service,  hast  made  him  sensible  that,  as  in  his 
youth  he  used  to  eat  twice  a  day,  when  he  arrives 
at  old  age  he  ought  to  divide  that  food,  of  which 
he  was  accustomed  before  to  make  but  two  meals, 
into  four;  because,  thus  divided,  it  will  be  more 
easily  digested;  and  as  in  his  youth  he  made  but 
two  collations  in  a  day,  he  should,  in  his  old  age, 
make  four,  provided,  however,  he  lessens  the  quan 
tity  as  his  years  increase. 

"And  this  is  what  I  do,  agreeably  to  my  own 
experience;  and,  therefore,  my  spirits,  not  op 
pressed  by  much  food,  but  barely  kept  up,  are 
always  brisk,  especially  after  eating,  so  that  I  am 
obliged  then  to  sing  a  song,  and  afterward  to  write. 

30 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

"  Nor  do  I  ever  find  myself  the  worse  for  writing 
immediately  after  meals,  nor  is  my  understanding 
ever  clearer,  nor  am  I  apt  to  be  drowsy,  the  food 
I  take  being  in  too  small  a  quantity  to  send  up 
any  fumes  to  the  brain.  Oh,  how  advantageous 
it  is  to  an  old  man  to  eat  but  little !  Accordingly 
I,  who  know  it,  eat  but  just  enough  to  keep  body 
and  soul  together." 

Cornaro  ate  of  all  kinds  of  food,  animal  as 
well  as  vegetable,  but  in  very  small  quantity, 
and  he  drank  moderately  of  the  light  wines  of 
his  country,  diminishing  his  slender  rations  as 
age  increased.  He  finally  died  without  agony, 
while  comfortably  seated  in  an  arm-chair,  at  the 
age  of  one  hundred  and  four.  The  mere  fact 
that  one  never  hears  of  a  very  old  stout  man 
establishes  the  wisdom  of  the  method  proposed 
for  the  aged;  but  it  is  equally  applicable  in 
middle  life.  After  pointing  out  that,  when  the 
period  of  irrepressible  vigor  which  belongs  to 
youth  has  passed  away,  it  is  time  to  see  that  our 
intake  of  food  should  constitute  a  harmonious 
equality  with  our  expenditure  through  such 
activity  as  we  put  forth,  the  learned  physician, 
Sir  Henry  Thompson,  says  plainly: 

"The  balance  of  unexpended  nutriment  must 
be  thrown  off  in  some  form  or  other;  it  may  be 
relegated  in  the  form  of  fat  to  be  stored  on  the 

31 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

external  surface  of  the  body,  or  be  packed  among 
the  internal  organs,  and  thus  he  or  she  may  be 
come  corpulent  and  heavy,  if  a  facility  for  con 
verting  appropriate  material  into  fat  is  consistent 
with  the  constitution  of  the  individual;  for  some 
constitutions  appear  to  be  without  the  power  of 
storing  fat,  however  rich  the  diet  or  inactive  their 
habits  may  be.  When,  therefore,  this  process 
cannot  take  place,  and  in  many  instances,  also, 
when  it  does,  the  oversupply  of  nutritious  elements 
ingested  must  go  somewhere,  more  or  less  directly, 
to  produce  disease  in  some  other  form,  probably 
at  first  interfering  with  the  action  of  the  liver, 
and  next  appearing  as  gout  or  rheumatism,  or  as 
the  cause  of  fluxes  and  obstructions  of  various 
kinds. 

"Less  nutriment,  therefore,  must  be  taken  as 
age  advances,  or,  rather,  as  activity  diminishes, 
or  the  individual  will  suffer.  If  he  continues  to 
consume  the  same  abundant  breakfasts,  sub 
stantial  lunches,  and  heavy  dinners,  which  at  the 
summit  of  his  power  he  could  dispose  of  almost 
with  impunity,  he  will  in  time  certainly  either 
accumulate  fat  or  become  acquainted  with  gout 
or  rheumatism,  or  show  signs  of  unhealthy  deposit 
of  some  kind  in  some  part  of  the  body,  processes 
which  must  inevitably  empoison,  undermine,  or 
shorten  his  remaining  term  of  life.  He  must  re 
duce  his  'intake,'  because  a  smaller  expenditure 
is  an  enforced  condition  of  existence." 


What  folly,  then,  for  a  woman  to  endeavor, 
through  the  concoction  of  special  dishes  and  by 
32 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

means  of  earnest  pleadings,  to  tempt  the  appe 
tite  of  her  bilious  provider!  Better  far  deprive 
him  of  all  food  till  the  natural  expenditure  has 
exhausted  the  intake,  and  then  resist  rather  than 
encourage  the  ravenings  of  nature.  This  is  the 
first  and  most  important  lesson. 

The  second  relates  to  the  use  of  stimulants  in 
the  form  of  alcohol  and  tobacco.  Not  so  many 
years  ago,  perhaps  even  now,  in  New  England, 
all  alcoholic  beverages  were  grouped  as  "rum," 
no  distinction  being  made  between  the  strongest 
spirits  and  the  weakest  of  extracts  of  malt. 
This  fulness  of  ignorance  no  longer  exists  gen 
erally,  but  a  no  less  common  error  which  does 
prevail  is  quite  as  injurious  in  effect.  Few 
women  perceive  harm  in  the  drinking  of  still 
wines  with  meals,  and  yet  the  most  casual  ob 
servation  will  convince  any  one  that  this  is  the 
custom  which  is  almost  invariably  responsible 
for  gout,  corpulence,  and  general  incapacity. 
On  the  other  hand,  it  is  not  uncommon  for 
foolish  women  to  implore  their  husbands  never, 
under  any  circumstances,  to  drink  whiskey, 
being  wholly  oblivious  of  the  fully  established 
fact  that  the  least  harmful  of  all  ways  of  feeding 
alcohol  to  the  system  is  in  the  form  of  good 
whiskey  diluted  ten  times  or  more  in  still  water 
of  moderate  temperature. 
33 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Mitigation  of  the  evil  effects  of  the  tobacco 
habit  calls  for  psychological  treatment.  Man 
is  one  of  the  weakest  members  of  the  animal 
creation  and  must  be  dealt  with  accordingly. 
While  one  may,  from  fear  or  bravado,  succeed 
in  breaking  from  a  fixed  practice  altogether, 
none  living  is  strong  enough  to  maintain  for  any 
long  period  of  time  a  moderate  limitation  upon 
his  cravings.  He  is  a  slave  of  his  imagination, 
resentful  of  restrictions,  and  dogged  in  resistance 
to  them.  The  wise  and  tactful  guide  will  rec 
ognize  the  existence  of  these  weaknesses  of  char 
acter,  and,  instead  of  trying  to  exterminate  or 
overcome  them,  will  seek  to  circumvent  them. 
Having  learned  from  painstaking  inquiry  that 
the  only  really  hurtful  smoking  is  that  which 
precedes  the  evening  meal,  she  proposes,  not  a 
hateful  limitation,  but  a  mere  redistribution  of 
indulgence.  Thus,  will  he  not,  for  example, 
smoke  but  one  cigar  in  the  morning  and  but  two 
in  the  afternoon,  if  no  complaint  be  made  of  the 
number  consumed  in  the  evening?  This,  like 
any  other  suggestion  tending  to  deprive  him  of 
personal  gratification,  he  will  regard  suspiciously 
at  first,  but  will  presently  yield,  having  reasoned 
within  himself  that  he  is  not  acting  under  com 
pulsion  and  therefore  has  no  cause  of  resent 
ment,  and  being  wholly  satisfied  with  any  ar- 
34 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

rangement,  the  making  of  which  enables  him  to 
demonstrate  in  a  condescending  manner  his  ex 
ceptional  strength  of  will  power. 

The  consequence  is  that  no  tax  is  put  upon 
his  imagination,  no  challenge  is  offered  to  his 
masculine  pride,  and  he  finds  little  difficulty  in 
merely  postponing  a  pleasure  whose  total  de 
privation  or  definite  limitation  he  would  not 
consider  for  a  moment.  He  does  not  perceive, 
and  care  should  be  taken  not  to  point  out  to 
him,  that  in  reality  his  total  consumption  of 
tobacco  is  materially  reduced  because  of  the 
simple  fact  that  there  is  only  so  much  time 
between  dinner  and  bed  at  best  —  and  after 
awhile  the  hour  for  the  repast  may  be  quietly 
extended,  but  this  should  be  done  cautiously 
and  for  some  shrewdly  chosen  foreign  reason, 
so  that  the  smouldering  fires  of  resentment  be 
not  stirred.  The  inevitable  result,  of  course,  is 
prolongation  of  the  life,  improvement  of  the 
disposition,  and  enlargement  of  the  powers  of 
the  provider,  to  the  great  advantage  of  her 
whose  truly  intellectual  endeavor  so  reaps  its 
just  reward. 

Thus,  wives,  guide  your  husbands!  realizing 
that  in  practical  living  an  ounce  of  meditation 
is  worth  a  ton  of  prayer,  and  was  so  by  the  Lord 
intended. 

35 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Of  Second  Wives  and  Husbands 

THAT  a  second  wife  fares  better  than  one  first 
wedded  has  become  an  axiom,  the  truth  of 
which  has  been,  and  no  doubt  will  continue  to 
be,  amply  confirmed  by  observation.  We  won 
der  why.  The  effect  of  gradual  change  from 
novel  to  commonplace  relationship  is  under 
standable;  so  also  is  the  result  of  a  widening  of 
mental,  moral,  and  physical  interest  on  the  one 
side  accompanied  by  a  narrowing  on  the  other, 
but  these  are  features  of  existence  wholly  in 
cidental  to  and  in  accord  with  the  immutable 
laws  of  nature.  How  often  it  happens  in  these 
days  of  women's  exchange  that,  to  the  most 
kindly  observer  or  even  friend,  the  first  seems 
vastly  superior  in  all  respects  to  the  second 
companion,  despite  the  abrupt  change  of  at 
titude  on  the  part  of  him  most  concerned  from 
indifference  or  cruelty  toward  the  former  to 
patient  devotion  to  her  presumably  fortunate 
successor ! 

The  greed  of  man  in  the  possession  of  woman 
has  been  manifest  from  the  beginning.  Adam 
undoubtedly  would  have  taken  more  wives 
could  he  have  spared  more  ribs;  and,  despite  his 
subsequent  exemplary  life,  barring  an  excusable 
tendency  after  service  so  strenuous  to  linger 

36 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

too  long  with  the  wine,  it  is  quite  improbable 
that  Noah  lived  as  a  recluse  during  those  five 
hundred  long  years  before  he  begat  our  an 
cestral  Shem,  Ham,  and  Japheth.  Even  the 
canny  Jacob,  after  being  tricked  by  the  no  less 
crafty  Laban,  doubtless  in  meet  return  for 
swindling  his  guileless  brother,  was  unwilling 
to  part  with  Leah,  and  put  his  hands  to  the 
plough  for  seven  more  long  years  to  get  Rachel. 
Apparently  there  was  little  difference  in  attrac 
tiveness  between  the  two  sisters.  The  "tender 
eyes"  of  the  elder  surely  must  have  counter 
balanced  the  beauty  of  the  younger;  moreover, 
Leah  gladdened  her  husband's  heart  with  many 
lusty  children  long  before  Rachel  placed  in  his 
arms  the  little  Joseph,  who  subsequently  en 
gaged  in  predatory  activities  that  in  these  good 
days  would  clearly  fall  within  the  provisions  of 
the  Interstate  Commerce  act  and  subject  their 
doer  to  stern  rebuke  for  possessing  a  swollen 
fortune.  Nevertheless,  when,  later,  Jacob  lifted 
up  his  eyes,  in  conformity  with  his  characteristic 
caution,  and  beheld  the  red-headed  Esau  ap 
proaching  with  four  hundred  stalwart  retainers, 
he  promptly  stationed  the  patient  Leah  and  her 
children  on  the  firing-line  and  secluded  Rachel 
and  the  future  young  corn  monopolist  in  a  pro 
tected  tent  in  the  rear.  We  readily  perceive, 
37 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

therefore,  as  previously  noted,  that  from  the  very 
beginning  and  for  no  apparent  reason  the  second 
wife  was  unduly  preferred,  and  so  the  cus 
tom  has  maintained  even  to  these  regenerate 
days. 

Further  analysis  of  the  causes  of  this  con 
tinuing  discrimination  might  prove  interesting, 
but  could  hardly  serve  any  useful  purpose;  so 
we  may  as  well  place  the  burden  upon  the  au 
thority  of  Biblical  tradition  and  cease  to  bear 
too  heavily  upon  the  modern  usage,  which  virtu 
ally  forbids  one  to  divorce  more  than  one  part 
ner  without  encountering  forbidding  glances 
from  scrupulous  high  society  of  the  present  day. 
Since  the  Puritanic  dictum  that,  having  made 
one's  bed,  one  must  lie  in  it,  has  proven  too 
restricted  for  twentieth-century  requirements,  it 
is  a  comfort  to  reflect  that  observance  of  obliga 
tions  to  a  second  spouse  must  be  maintained  to 
avert  the  ban  of  social  ostracism. 

But  what  happens  to  the  second  husband? 
To  him  no  truism  has  been  applied  and  we  have 
never  heard  his  case  discussed.  Is  he,  too,  re 
garded  more  kindly  than  his  predecessor,  or  is 
his  position  as  insignificant  as  that  of  a  bride 
groom  on  a  wedding-day  ?  Upon  this  point  no 
data  seem  to  exist,  nor  have  we  been  able  by 
the  most  diligent  inquiry  to  extract  any  trust- 
38 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

worthy  information  from  those  best  qualified  to 
testify. 


On  the  Taxation  of  Spinsters 

WHY  not  tax  old  maids?  As  a  class,  they 
enjoy  all  of  the  advantages  of  civilization,  bar 
ring  those  of  a  minor  nature  excluded  by  their 
own  insistent  regard  for  the  conventions,  and 
make  no  adequate  return.  True,  their  property, 
if  real,  is  forced  to  yield  a  slight  contribution  to 
the  common  fund  for  preservation  of  order  and 
protection  of  life  and  liberty,  but  their  personal 
possessions  are  practically  immune  from  im 
posts,  and  the  less  said  of  their  contributions  to 
customs -revenue,  perhaps,  the  better.  More 
over,  the  great  majority  of  them  have  no  sub 
stantial  acquisitions  and,  though  in  special  in 
stances  no  doubt  a  joy,  are  generally  a  burden 
upon  patient  relatives.  Thus  they  become  mere 
clogs  upon  the  wheels  of  progress  from  the  sheer 
obstinacy  that  holds  them  from  the  performance 
of  their  proper  tasks  in  life. 

There  was  never  yet  a  woman  who  could  not 
marry,  as  she  should,  if  she  would.  Undoubt 
edly,  beauty  of  form,  mind,  and  character,  to 
say  nothing  of  worldly  possessions  and  other 
minor  aids,  contribute  largely  to  facilitate  a 
39 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

man's  discriminative  selection  of  a  mate,  but 
none  of  these  effects  is  really  essential.  It  is 
only  necessary  to  be  a  woman  to  win  a  man- 
some  man.  Eve  surely  was  not  rich  and,  judg 
ing  from  such  portraits  of  her  as  we  have  seen, 
was  quite  plain  in  appearance;  clearly,  too,  she 
was  stupid  or  she  would  never  have  acted  on  a 
suggestion  from  a  questionable  source;  but  once 
she  passed  on  the  hint  to  him,  how  quick  was 
Adam's  fall!  So  it  has  ever  been  and  ever  will 
be.  Spinsterhood  is  a  purely  voluntary  condi 
tion,  due  to  reprehensible  contrariness,  as  is 
clearly  proven  by  the  non-existence  of  a  single 
authentic  claim  to  exemption  because  of  lack 
of  opportunity. 

Deliberate  refusal  to  fulfil  a  destiny  is,  we 
grant,  less  inexcusable  in  this  country  than  else 
where;  we  have  even  so  high  authority  as  Mr. 
Bryce,  expressed  in  his  American  Common 
wealth,  for  the  assertion  that  "More  resources 
are  open  to  an  American  woman  who  has  to  lead 
a  solitary  life,  not  merely  in  the  way  of  em 
ployment,  but  for  the  occupation  of  her  mind 
and  tastes,  than  to  an  English  spinster  or 
widow."  Our  acquaintance  with  Englishwomen 
of  the  two  classes  designated  is  not  sufficiently 
wide  to  justify  disagreement  with  this  careful 
view,  even  though  we  did  not,  as  we  do,  hold 
40 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

that  widows  are  sui  generis  and  should  never 
be  confounded  with  others  of  their  sex;  but  in 
any  case,  in  view  of  the  fact  already  established 
that  there  is  no  such  woman — i.  e.,  one  com 
pelled  to  "lead  a  solitary  life" — the  differentia 
tion  between  nationalities  need  not  be  con 
sidered. 

Paul's  direct  injunction  was  addressed  to 
Timothy  in  these  unmistakable  words:  "I  will 
that  the  younger  women  marry,  bear  children, 
guide  the  house,  give  no  occasion  to  the  adver 
sary  to  speak  reproachfully."  The  excellence 
of  this  advice,  as  thus  presented  in  the  Author 
ized  Version,  was  so  obvious  that  the  learned 
revisers  ventured  a  change  only  in  the  most 
tentative  manner.  In  point  of  fact,  there  can 
be  little  doubt  that  Paul's  reference  was  really 
restricted  to  younger  widows,  not  younger  wom 
en,  since  he  had  just  enjoined  that  none  be  en 
rolled  as  a  widow  "under  threescore  years  old," 
because  those  who  had  not  reached  that  age  of 
reasonable  discretion  were  accustomed  to  "de 
sire  to  marry"  and  "to  be  idle,  going  about  from 
house  to  house,  and  not  only  idle,  but  tattlers 
also  and  busybodies,  speaking  things  which 
they  ought  not."  Apparently,  at  the  time  of 
writing  to  Timothy,  Paul  regarded  remarriage 
of  the  younger  widows  as  the  only  effective 
4  4i 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

remedy  for  harmful  gossip ;  and  yet,  but  a  short 
time  before,  he  had  written  to  his  friends  in 
Corinth,  "I  say  to  the  unmarried  and  widows, 
'  It  is  good  for  them  if  they  abide  even  as  I " 
i.e.,  as  an  old  bachelor,  since  even  then  he  was 
somewhat  advanced  in  years. 

We  must  conclude  that,  although  the  clearest 
and  wisest  of  teachers  of  his  day  in  matters  con 
cerning  men,  when  he  undertook  to  treat  of  those 
pertaining  specifically  to  women,  and  to  widows 
especially,  Paul's  mind  became  confused.  Cu 
riously  enough,  the  like  might  be  said  of  nearly 
all  of  the  great  preachers  who  succeeded  him — 
surely,  at  any  rate,  from  the  days  of  Knox  to 
those  of  Beecher.  For  some  inscrutable  reason 
each  has  seemed  to  lack  the  specific  knowledge 
of  feminine  traits  and  inclinations  derived  from 
experience  by  many  of  us  who  are  in  other  re 
spects  comparatively  ill  informed. 

The  real  point  at  issue  is  whether  the  old  maid 
of  the  present  day  renders  a  fair  equivalent,  or 
even  tries  to  do  so  in  one  way  or  another,  for 
what  she  receives;  and  to  that  our  answer  is 
decisively  negative.  As  contrasted  even  with 
her  uninteresting  prototype  of  twenty  or  thirty 
years  ago,  she  is  less  disposed  to  humble  rec 
ognition  of  the  ignominy  of  her  position,  often 
more  petulant,  and  invariably  more  exacting, 
42 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

contemptuous  of  children,  and  only  in  rare 
exceptions  kindly  disposed  even  toward  cats, 
to  say  nothing  of  mice  and  other  gentle  and 
unoffending  creatures.  Decorous  behavior  has 
been  relegated  to  the  pages  of  mythology;  and 
the  Puritanic  primness,  whose  very  rigidity  once 
constituted  a  unique  charm,  has  been  shame 
lessly  supplanted  by  a  seeming  resentment  at  the 
recognized  necessity  of  maintaining  a  serious 
appearance.  It  is  a  sad  state  of  affairs,  to  which 
we  have  given  much  unavailing  thought.  As 
a  last  resort  in  search  of  a  method  of  reformation, 
the  ubiquitary  remedy  of  taxation  occurs  to  our 
mind  as  the  only  one  holding  forth  hope  of 
effectiveness. 

Bitter  experience  has  demonstrated  that  no 
determined  action  on  the  part  of  local  or  State 
authorities  can  be  anticipated  in  response  to 
even  so  peremptory  a  demand  in  the  plain  in 
terest  of  an  indivisible  nation,  but  spinsters  are 
proverbially  peripatetic  and  flit  from  sister  to 
sister,  and  from  brother-in-law  to  brother-in-law, 
with  facility ;  so  we  may  assume  that  they  could 
readily  be  brought  within  the  provisions  of  the 
act  relating  to  interstate  commerce,  and  be 
compelled  by  suitable  "constructions"  of  the 
Constitution  to  meet  their  just  obligations  to 
the  rapidly  disappearing  human  race. 
43 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

"Why  Bachelors  Should  Not  Be  Taxed 

To  INSIST,  as  some  do,  that  if  spinsters  be 
taxed  bachelors  likewise  should  be  compelled  to 
contribute  to  the  general  fund  is  to  our  mind 
absurd.  The  two  classes  are  quite  distinct. 
As  we  have  already  noted,  any  woman  may 
marry  if  she  will ;  but  it  often  happens  that  the 
only  lady  who  appears  sufficiently  pleasing  in 
the  eyes  of  a  man  obstinately  refuses  to  mate 
with  him.  The  one  condition,  therefore,  is  in  a 
broad  sense  voluntary,  while  the  other  is  un 
avoidable  and,  of  course,  not  properly  punish 
able.  In  the  old  days,  it  is  true,  the  unmarried 
man  was  considered  fit  prey  for  the  tax-gatherer. 
Ancient  Sparta,  indeed,  treated  celibacy  as  a 
crime  of  a  minor  nature,  such  as  we  would  term 
a  "misdemeanor."  Rome  was  less  brutal,  but 
Julius  Cassar  discriminated  shockingly  against 
bachelors  in  the  allotment  of  the  Campanian 
lands,  and  a  law  was  enacted,  under  Augustus, 
forbidding  an  unmarried  man  under  sixty  to 
accept  a  legacy.  The  purpose  of  Julius  plainly 
was  to  induce  the  rearing  of  large  families,  as 
he  barred  from  sharing  in  the  spoils  even  the 
fathers  of  less  than  three  children;  and  it  is 
probable  that  the  motive  of  Augustus  was  simi 
lar,  since  the  prohibition  against  the  inheritance 
44 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

of  legacies  applied  also  to  women  under  fifty, 
besides  actually  compelling  a  widow  to  remarry 
within  two  years  after  the  decease  of  her  hus 
band  in  order  to  secure  her  portion  of  his  estate. 

From  time  to  time  special  taxes  have  been 
imposed  upon  single  men  in  Great  Britain  and 
Ireland,  but  only,  it  was  always  carefully  stated, 
for  the  purpose  of  increasing  revenues.  In  France, 
on  the  other  hand,  fear  of  depopulation  is  said 
to  be  at  the  root  of  a  movement  to  exact 
toll  for  celibacy.  It  will  be  seen,  then,  that 
the  actuating  causes  have  varied  widely;  but, 
generally  speaking,  the  discrimination  has  rested 
upon  the  Spartan  principle  that  it  is  the  duty 
to  the  state  of  every  citizen  to  rear  up  legitimate 
children,  although  there  is  room  for  suspicion 
that,  in  some  instances,  the  hen-pecked  married 
men  who  made  the  laws  felt  that  bachelors 
should  pay  well  for  happiness  that  seemed  to 
them  exceptional. 

Of  the  forty  millions  of  persons  of  both  sexes 
of  a  marriageable  age  in  this  country,  more 
than  twelve  millions  remain  single.  This  number 
seems  large  enough  to  justify  the  insistence  that, 
from  the  viewpoint  of  a  far-seeing  nation, 
desirous  of  providing  cadets  and  midshipmen 
for  a  large  navy,  the  indefinite  continuance 
of  such  a  condition  is  intolerable.  Lest  the 
45 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

various  States  might  be  suddenly  directed  to 
enact  laws  that  would  bear  unduly  upon  un 
married  men  or  suffer  them  to  be  brought  under 
the  provisions  of  the  Interstate  Commerce  Act, 
along  with  old  maids,  we  earnestly  beseech  re 
flection  upon  certain  facts  established  by  our 
federal  census.  According  to  the  statistics  of 
1900,  for  example,  the  country  contained  only 
1,182,293  widowers,  or  only  three  per  cent,  of 
the  entire  male  population,  as  against  2,721,564 
widows,  or  seven  and  three-tenths  per  cent,  of 
all  the  females.  This  surprising  disparity  surely 
merits  serious  consideration.  We  may  not  as 
sume,  for  chivalric  reasons,  that  our  delicately 
nurtured  ladies  are  of  tougher  fibre  and  more 
enduring  physical  nature  than  their  husbands; 
hence,  we  are  driven  to  the  conclusion  that  the 
hazard  of  matrimony  is  vastly  greater  for  men 
than  for  women,  as  is  evidenced  by  the  great 
disparity  in  the  actual  fatalities.  Moreover,  the 
total  of  divorced  men  is  only  84,903,  or  two- 
tenths  of  one  per  cent.,  as  against  114,965,  or 
three-tenths  of  one  per  cent.,  of  divorced  women, 
showing  clearly  that  even  after  being  freed  from 
irksome  bonds  a  comparatively  small  proportion 
of  men  have  sufficient  strength  left  to  withstand 
the  effect  of  their  previous  tribulation. 

That   these   significant   facts   do,   or   should, 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

escape  the  thoughtful  attention  of  a  prudent 
bachelor  is  not  to  be  expected;  realizing,  as  he 
must  from  a  study  of  the  statistics,  the  com 
parative  paucity  of  his  chances  of  longevity 
during  the  matrimonial  period  and  the  virtual 
certainty  of  his  discouraged  spirit  wasting  away 
soon  after  divorce,  is  he  not  reasonably  warrant 
ed  in  evading,  in  all  seemly  ways,  the  wiles  of  the 
spinster,  and  should  he  in  equity  be  taxed  for 
so  doing?  Clearly,  it  seems  to  us  that  such  a 
course  finds  ample  justification  in  the  mere  in 
stinct  of  self-preservation,  which  induces  even 
a  soldier  to  avoid  engagements  against  undue 
odds. 

Having,  therefore,  as  we  believe,  fully  es 
tablished  the  rightfulness  of  discrimination  in 
favor  of  the  bachelor  as  against  the  spinster  in 
matters  relating  to  taxation,  we  regard  the  ad 
vancement  of  further  obvious  arguments,  based 
upon  the  inherent  rights  of  married  hostesses 
in  unattached  men,  as  wholly  supererogatory. 
Of  the  danger  of  matrimony  itself  falling  into 
disfavor  as  an  avocation,  we  frankly  have  no  ap 
prehension;  the  philosopher,  we  fear,  did  not  err 
greatly  when  he  declared  that,  so  long  as  the 
race  continues  human,  marriage  will  be — "like  a 
cage ;  those  birds  that  are  inside  desiring  to  get 
out,  and  those  that  are  out  wanting  to  get  in." 
47 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

The  Selection  of  a  Husband 

BECAUSE  it  is  the  duty  of  every  woman  to 
marry  some  man,  it  by  no  means  follows  that 
she  is  deprived  of  the  privilege  of  making  acute 
discrimination;  on  the  contrary,  to  fulfil  her 
mission  as  completely  as  possible,  she  should 
exercise  the  greatest  care  in  selecting  a  mate. 
Time  was  when  she  had  no  say  in  the  matter, 
and  in  some  countries  she  has  little  or  none  to 
day;  but  in  this  happily  civilized  land  she  still 
possesses,  and  will  undoubtedly  hold  for  all 
time,  the  right  first  to  choose  and  then  ensnare. 
It  is  a  noble  prerogative — one,  in  our  judgment, 
that  should  be  appreciated  and  cherished  above 
all  others.  And  yet,  as  we  have  observed,  it 
should  be  exercised  with  caution.  Let  nothing 
be  left  to  chance,  as  Plato  would  have  had  it 
when  he  decreed  that  pairing  should  be  done  by 
lot;  while  not  over-nice,  be  at  least  particular, 
in  order  that  the  one  chosen  may  feel  honored 
by  the  distinction  conferred  upon  him,  and  so 
be  the  more  readily  induced  to  show  his  undying 
gratefulness. 

Much  that  was  thought  and  written  years  ago 

on  how  to  choose  a  wife  was  good  enough  for  the 

time,   but   the  recent  reversal  of  the   relative 

attitudes  of  seeker  and  sought  renders  it  value- 

48 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

less.  Nevertheless,  despite  the  fact  that,  in 
considering  the  points  to  be  heeded  and  the 
precautions  to  be  observed  by  womankind,  we 
find  ourselves  in  a  fallow  field,  certain  general 
principles  may  be  regarded  as  established.  It 
is  best,  for  example,  to  capture  a  husband  while 
he  is  still  young,  docile,  and  plastic.  Preferably 
also  he  should  be  in  love.  He  may  then  be 
trained  after  the  manner  best  calculated  to 
serve  the  convenience  of  her  for  whom  thence 
forth  he  must  and  should  toil. 

Under  no  circumstances  would  we,  if  a  woman, 
unless  a  widow,  marry  a  bachelor  past  forty 
years  of  age,  and  we  should  look  askance  at  one 
approaching  thirty-five.  Such  a  one,  however 
ingratiating  in  appearance  and  demeanor,  is 
not  only  invariably  trying,  but  actually  hope 
less,  and  only  too  frequently  commits  suicide 
on  the  honeymoon,  to  the  intense  annoyance  of 
the  bride.  Nor  would  we — again,  unless  a  wid 
ow,  of  course — select  a  philosopher  or  a  writer 
of  essays  upon  the  proper  conduct  of  life  and 
kindred  disagreeable  topics.  Such  as  they  know 
too  much  that  is  not  true,  and  are  prone  to 
build  in  imagination  absurd  theories  and  then 
insist  upon  their  being  put  into  practice.  Let 
the  reader  observe  the  matrimonial  requirements 
of  the  learned  Gibbon,  who,  at  forty-seven,  wrote 
49 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

from  Lausanne  to  the  Right  Honorable  Lady 
Sheffield  in  this  characteristic  strain: 

"An  excellent  house,  a  good  table,  a  pleasant 
garden,  are  no  contemptible  ingredients  in  human 
happiness.  The  general  style  of  society  hits  my 
fancy ;  I  have  cultivated  a  large  and  agreeable  cir 
cle  of  acquaintance,  and  I  am  much  deceived  if  I 
have  not  laid  the  foundations  of  two  or  three  more 
intimate  and  valuable  connections ;  but  their  names 
would  be  indifferent,  and  it  would  require  pages, 
or  rather  volumes,  to  describe  their  persons  and 
characters. 

"  With  regard  to  my  standing  dish,  my  domestic 
friend,  I  could  not  be  much  disappointed,  after 
an  intimacy  of  eight-and-twenty  years.  His  heart 
and  his  head  are  excellent;  he  has  the  warmest 
attachment  for  me,  he  is  satisfied  that  I  have  the 
same  for  him:  some  slight  imperfections  must  be 
mutually  supported ;  two  bachelors,  who  have  lived 
so  long  alone  and  independent,  have  their  peculiar 
fancies  and  humors,  and  when  the  mask  of  form 
and  ceremony  is  laid  aside,  every  moment  in  a 
family  life  has  not  the  sweetness  of  the  honey 
moon,  even  between  husbands  and  wives  who 
have  the  truest  and  most  tender  regard  for  each 
other. 

"  Should  you  be  very  much  surprised  to  hear  of 
my  being  married?  Amazing  as  it  may  seem,  I 
do  assure  you  that  the  event  is  less  improbable 
than  it  would  have  appeared  to  myself  a  twelve 
month  ago.  Deyverdun  and  I  have  often  agreed, 
in  jest  and  in  earnest,  that  a  house  like  ours  would 
be  regulated,  and  graced,  and  enlivened  by  an 

50 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

agreeable  female  companion;  but  each  of  us  seems 
desirous  that  his  friend  should  sacrifice  himself  for 
the  public  good.  Since  my  residence  here  I  have 
lived  much  in  women's  company;  and,  to  your 
credit  be  it  spoken,  I  like  you  the  better  the  more 
I  see  of  you.  Not  that  I  am  in  love  with  any 
particular  person.  I  have  discovered  about  half 
a  dozen  wives  who  would  please  me  in  different 
ways,  and  by  various  merits:  one  as  a  mistress 
(a  widow,  vastly  like  the  Eliza;  if  she  returns  I  am 
to  bring  them  together) ;  a  second,  a  lively,  enter 
taining  acquaintance;  a  third,  a  sincere,  good- 
natured  friend;  a  fourth,  who  would  preside  with 
grace  and  dignity  at  the  head  of  my  table  and 
family;  a  fifth,  an  excellent  economist  and  house 
keeper;  and  a  sixth,  a  very  useful  nurse." 

It  is  pretty  writing  and  probably  not  too 
seriously  meant,  but  yet  how  indicative  of  the 
utterly  selfish  and  calculating  spirit  of  the 
bachelor  in  the  forties!  Assuredly,  the  erudite 
Gibbon  and  the  crotchety  Deyverdun  would 
have  liked  a  woman  to  attend  to  their  household 
affairs,  but  each  preferred  that  the  other  take 
the  chance  of  assuming  a  burden;  and,  however 
prudent  a  wife  thus  obtained  might  have  proven 
to  be,  we  may  be  certain  that  her  advent  would 
have  been  attributed  to  human  prescience  and 
that  she  would  not  be  regarded  as  coming,  as 
the  Scriptures  truly  say,  "direct  from  the 
Lord."  And  yet  the  pompous  Gibbon  should 
51 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

have  known  better.  Twenty-odd  years  before, 
while  still  capable  of  feeling  human  emotion, 
he  had  fallen  in  love  really  and  truly  with  the 
Lausanne  minister's  daughter,  Susanne  Curchod, 
and  would  have  married  her  but  for  his  father's 
disapproval;  but  self-interest  prevailed,  and  he 
let  the  beautiful  girl  go,  to  become  the  wife  of 
Necker  and  the  mother  of  Madame  de  Stael. 
Doubtless  the  melancholy  aspect  of  the  great 
man's  autobiography  is  due  largely  to  his 
subsequent  feeling  of  aggrievement  at  having 
deprived  himself,  by  excessive  caution,  of  a 
most  desirable  companionship. 

But  it  is  ever  so  with  men  who  have  passed 
forty  unsubdued  by  domestic  discipline;  their 
flagrant  demands  invariably  exceed  the  bounds 
of  reason.  Observe  Gibbon's  requirements:  a 
mistress,  a  lively  acquaintance,  a  good-natured 
friend,  a  dignified  head  of  the  table,  a  frugal 
housekeeper,  and  a  useful  nurse — all  moulded 
into  one  feminine  form.  The  enormity  of  the 
requisition  becomes  quickly  apparent  when  we 
stop  to  think  and  realize  that  even  few  men 
possess  so  many  qualifications  in  abundance. 
Indeed,  if  the  truth  be  told,  we  can  think  of  but 
two  or  three  now  living. 

In  all  fairness,  however,  it  must  be  confessed 
that  the  learned  one  betrayed  an  appreciation, 
52 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

somewhat   humorous,   of   his  own   absurdities, 
having  the  grace  finally  to  add  to  his  letter: 

"  Could  I  find  all  these  qualities  united  in  a  single 
person,  I  should  dare  to  make  my  addresses,  and 
should  deserve  to  be  refused." 

Of  his  rightful  deserts  in  such  a  contingency 
there  can  be  no  question,  but  in  point  of  fact, 
of  course,  there  was  no  need  of  apprehension, 
for  the  simple  reason  that  such  a  female  person 
never  lived,  and  if  she  had  and  Gibbon  had 
found  her,  he  would  have  invented  and  de 
manded  additional  qualifications  for  the  winning 
of  his  favor. 

How  can  a  man,  silly  enough  to  have  lived 
single  until  middle  -  age,  expect  to  feel  the 
"grand  passion"  and  be  "carried  away"? 
Simple  observation  has  taught  us  that  it  is  con 
trary  to  some  irrefragable  law  of  nature  to  fall 
in  love  after  forty.  One  may,  of  course,  con 
tinue  to  hold  to  the  very  grave  the  inestimable 
blessing  previously  acquired;  but  that  which, 
after  two  score,  a  gentleman  of  the  present  day 
considers  a  recrudescence  of  love  is  really  no 
more  than  a  blending  of  mawkish  sentiment, 
growing  out  of  passing  fancy,  with  regard  for 
creature  comforts,  derived  from  habits  of  self- 
indulgence.  Of  such  male  persons  we  say  em- 
53 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

phatically  to  all  women,  except  widows,  Be 
ware!  in  no  wise,  however,  disavowing  our  pre 
vious  declarations  to  the  effect  that  if  none  bet 
ter  can  be  had,  the  narrow  path  of  duty  lies 
straight  and  plain  before  the  searching  eyes  of 
every  living  spinster. 


The  Sagacious  Frivolity  of  Widows 

WE  have  never  been  able  to  understand  why 
even  the  dour  Jeremiah  should  have  regarded 
widowhood  as  a  just  cause  of  reproach.  What 
ever  may  be  their  sentiments  after  the  event,  few 
women,  while  their  husbands  live,  really  wish 
to  lose  them,  and,  barring  those  who  cultivate 
the  habit  of  nagging  or  whining  to  their  own 
great  enjoyment,  practically  none  can  be  held 
directly  responsible  for  the  demise  of  her  partner. 
It  was  not  uncommon,  however,  in  the  old  days, 
to  consider  misfortune  itself  as  deserving  of 
censure,  and  it  was  in  this  cruelly  harsh  spirit, 
we  assume,  that  the  prophet  spoke. 

We  doubt  if  he  would  find  much  cause  for 
lamentation  if  alive  and  observant  to-day. 
Surely  no  reproach  now  attaches  to  widow 
hood,  and  we  question  whether,  in  point  of  fact, 
it  is  any  longer  regarded  as  an  affliction  and  not, 
in  the  general  run,  as  a  somewhat  happy  cir- 
54 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

cumstance.  True,  the  lot  of  a  woman,  especially 
a  young  woman,  suddenly  deprived  of  the  pres 
ence  of  the  man  whom  she  has  grown  accus 
tomed  to  see  about  the  house,  is  still  regarded 
as  one  of  peculiar  sadness;  but  it  is,  indeed, 
amazing  to  note  the  brevity  of  the  time  required 
to  transform  commiseration  into  congratulation, 
and  even  envy,  on  the  part  of  her  sisters.  The 
primary  cause  of  this  attitude  lies  doubtless 
in  the  value  attached  to  the  acquirement  of 
pecuniary  independence  and  personal  freedom, 
but  unless  we  have  misjudged  the  controlling 
forces  of  femininity,  a  most  unlikely  supposition, 
the  enviousness  is  directly  traceable  to  a  sus 
picion  that  men  are  prone  to  consider  widows 
more  attractive  than  maidens  or  even  married 
women  of  similar  ages.  One  never  hears  of  a 
sour  young  widow,  and  seldom  of  a  gay  old 
maid;  the  former  is  referred  to  invariably  as 
" captivating,"  the  latter  usually  as  "crabbed," 
and  it  is  needless  to  say  which  a  man  is  asked 
to  come  to  meet  at  teas,  house -parties,  and 
like  functions,  where  the  masculine  presence  is 
most  desired  and  with  the  greatest  difficulty 
obtained. 

It  is  an  interesting  fact,  moreover,  that  the 
discrimination  in  favor  of  the  widow  finds  ample 
justification,  although  it  is  probably  accounted 
55 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

for  by  the  difference  between  what  is  expected 
of  her  and  of  her  imwedded  sister.  No  re 
sponsibility  as  to  attractiveness  rests  upon  the 
shoulders  of  an  unalluring  spinster,  and,  sen 
sitive  to  this  depressing  fact,  she  soon  ceases  to 
practise  the  arts  of  pleasing  and  relies  for  at 
tention  upon  cultivated  personal  satire,  which 
quickly  palls  upon  one  seeking  a  more  gracious 
form  of  amusement.  The  young  widow,  on  the 
other  hand,  realizing  that  her  shining  qualities 
have  been  duly  heralded,  is  constantly  alive  to 
the  necessity  of  justifying  her  reputation  for 
vivacity,  sweetness  of  disposition,  charm  of 
manner  or  daring  speech,  as  the  case  may  be, 
and  is  induced  by  pride  to  exert  her  utmost  en 
deavors  to  make  herself  agreeable.  In  this  she 
profits  from  the  American  man's  chivalry  to 
women  and  fidelity  to  men,  and  is  aided  ma 
terially  by  the  convention  of  polite  society, 
which  accords  her  a  much  wider  range  of  topics 
than  is  permitted  to  her  unfortunate  rival,  whose 
coquetry  must  be  veiled  by  seeming  innocence 
and  becoming  modesty. 

Not  that  demure  appearance  and  coy  glances 
lack  efficacy;  far  from  it.  Even  beauty,  "all 
powerful  as  it  is,"  according  to  Montaigne,  "has 
not  wherewithal  to  make  itself  relished  without 
the  mediation  of  these  little  arts";  if  spinsters 

56 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

had  been  endowed  with  a  monopoly  of  such 
weapons  the  contest  would  be  waged  more 
evenly.  Unfortunately  for  them,  if  not  indeed 
for  all  of  us,  these  qualities  are  common  to  all 
women,  and  are  so  susceptible  of  sedulous  cul 
tivation  by  constant  practice  that  the  maiden's 
shyness  of  manner  is  fully  counterbalanced  by 
the  greater  adeptness  of  the  widow  in  the  ex 
ercise  of  flitting  obliquity  by  eyelashes  tinged 
to  meet  the  requirements  of  harmonious  ex 
pression. 

Indefinite  continuance  in  the  intermediate 
state,  which  we  have  seen  to  be  far  from  un 
happy,  would  be  contrary  to  feminine  nature 
and  distinctly  unwise,  as  tending  toward  what 
might  seem  to  have  the  effect  of  a  professional 
condition,  such,  for  example,  as  inevitably 
withers  interest  in  a  lady  who  has  buried  more 
than  two  husbands;  but  in  the  present  state  of 
our  civilization,  in  view  of  the  considerations 
herein  set  forth  simply,  yet  to  our  mind  con 
clusively,  we  unhesitatingly  advise  preliminary 
marriage  with  one  carefully  selected  with  a 
view  to  his  early  demise,  to  be  followed  by  an 
interim  of  joyous  widowhood  before  definitely 
and  finally  engaging  in  matrimony  as  a  perma 
nent  vocation  likely  to  induce  the  placidity  of 
rational  existence. 

s  57 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Love,  Fiction,  and  Learned  Ladies 

WHEN  learned  ladies  discourse  upon  love  we 
invariably  pay  strict  attention  and  find  much 
advantage  in  so  doing  —  less,  we  confess,  on 
account  of  the  instruction  thus  acquired  than 
from  the  opportunity  to  study  the  subtlety  with 
which  barbs  are  forged  for  sisters  not  so  fully 
endowed  with  knowledge.  It  was  with  no  little 
zest,  therefore,  that  we  once  opened  a  contem 
porary  periodical  bearing  on  its  title-page  the 
name  of  such  a  one  as  the  author  of  an  essay 
headed  interrogatively,  "Is  Cupid  a  Conven 
tion?"  Assuming  that  the  name  of  the  god 
was  utilized  chiefly  to  attract  notice  and  that 
the  discourse  would  be  upon  the  thing  itself, 
some  disappointment  met  the  discovery  that 
the  sole  purpose  of  the  learned  lady  was  to 
make  protest  against  the  comparative  dominance 
of  the  tender  passion  in  modern  fiction.  Briefly, 
as  we  made  her  out,  if  the  writer  had  the  con 
struction  of  our  novels,  she  would  eliminate 
love  as  a  motive,  or  even  as  an  incidental  feat 
ure,  upon  the  ground  that  it  has  ceased  to  be 
a  substantial  influence  and,  in  fact,  no  longer 
holds,  except  for  the  adolescent,  any  appreciable 
interest. 

Womanlike,    and  for  no    particular  purpose 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

that  we  can  discover,  other,  perhaps,  than  to 
justify  a  striking  title,  the  author  opened  her 
rugged  essay  with  an  attack  upon  the  god  him 
self  that  seemed  to  us  little  short  of  scurrilous. 
"Are  we  not  obsessed."  she  cried,  impatiently, 
in  the  very  first  paragraph,  "by  an  exaggerated 
worship?  This  fat  child  with  a  ribbon  on— 
wingleted,  and  sometimes  infelicitously  crowned 
with  a  silk  hat — is  he  not  largely  a  convention, 
poetic  and  pictorial?"  Now,  quite  aside  from 
this  reprehensible  flippancy  in  treating  of  even 
a  pagan  deity,  the  serious  misrepresentation 
perpetrated  by  such  a  description  merited  stern 
rebuke.  The  true  Eros  symbolized  much  more 
than  mere  sickly  sentimentality,  as  hinted  by 
the  learned  lady;  to  the  Spartans  and  Cretans 
he  was  the  god  of  patriotism  or  love  of  country, 
and  as  such  was  accorded  sacrifices  previous  to 
the  commencement  of  a  battle.  Moreover,  so 
far  from  being  a  chubby  boy  ridiculously  and, 
to  our  nicer  modern  vision,  inappropriately 
clad,  he  was  represented  as  lithe  of  limb  and 
graceful  of  form,  a  model  of  ripening  youth — 
unquestionably  the  most  attractive  figure  in 
the  Attic  school  of  sculpture.  As  the  god  of 
the  love  that  operates  in  nature,  he  had  par 
ticipated  in  the  creation  of  the  world  out  of 
Chaos,  and  consequently  occupied  a  position 
59 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

higher  than  that  of  his  fellow-deities,  because 
it  was  he  who  swayed  their  passions  no  less 
than  those  of  men.  To  depict  him,  then,  as  a 
little  buffoon,  as  he  appears  in  our  comic  pa 
pers,  or  as  a  mere  trickster  of  human  hearts, 
as  he  is  found  upon  silly  valentines,  is  unworthy 
of  even  a  learned  lady  apparently  prejudiced  in 
favor  of  her  own  sex. 

But  this  only  in  passing;  we  hold  no  brief  for 
the  "shirtless  darling,"  Cupid;  nor  need  we,  nor 
any  one;  the  very  armor  of  his  recognized  attri 
butes  constitutes  an  impregnable  defence  against 
attacks  from  whatever  source. 

The  chief  complaint  is  of  those  who  write 
and  print  the  love-stories  of  to-day.  Our  cen 
sor  continued : 

"The  simpler  love-stories  of  earlier  days  now 
appeal  only  to  children  or  to  those  whose  novels 
are  few  and  far  between.  Those  who  read  many 
are  inevitably  wearied  of  a  single  monotonous 
theme,  and  demand  other  entertainment.  The 
entertainer  unfortunately  knows  no  other  theme, 
and  finding  his  confection  appeal  but  dully  to  the 
jaded  palate,  he  forthwith  adds  to  the  strength  of 
the  concoction,  makes  it  richer,  hotter,  more  highly 
seasoned.  For  a  while  this  held  us,  only  to  produce 
the  same  weariness  by  its  ceaseless  repetition. 
Then  the  distracted  confectioner,  knowing  no  dish 
but  this,  finding  it  no  longer  popular,  either  weak 
or  strong,  proceeds  to  let  it  grow  sour  and  stale — 
60 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

ferment  to  beady  foam  or  horrible  decay.  If  we 
no  longer  want  the  love-story  simple  and  easy, 
they  give  us  the  love-story  complex  and  difficult. 
If  we  weary  of  it  pleasant  and  satisfying,  it  be 
comes  unpleasant  and  disappointing.  If  we  tire 
of  the  natural  and  healthy,  the  virtuous  and  nor 
mal,  then  appear  the  unnatural  and  diseased,  the 
vicious  and  abnormal  of  every  degree." 


Herein  lay  truth  undoubtedly ,  but  by  no  means 
the  whole  truth.  Mark  Twain,  Kipling,  Steven 
son,  and  Stockton  are  but  a  few  of  those  who 
have  responded  successfully  to  what  the  learned 
lady  termed  the  call  of  progress.  Indeed,  she 
herself  noted  with  satisfaction  and  as  proof  of 
her  contention  the  favor  won  by  David  Harum 
and  Mrs.  Wiggs,  in  cheery  disregard  of  the 
fact  that  she  was  indicating,  not  novels, 
but  pictures.  The  truth,  of  course,  is  that  lit 
erature,  like  religion,  science,  and  life  itself,  is 
evolutionary.  In  the  beginning,  as  Professor 
Brander  Matthews  concisely  points  out,  fiction 
dealt  with  the  Impossible — with  wonders  and 
mysteries  as  of  the  Arabian  Nights,  with  tales 
of  chivalry  like  Amadis  of  Gaul,  and  weird  ro 
mances.  Then  came  the  Improbable,  full  of 
adventurous  deeds,  such  as  chain  the  imagina 
tion  but  never  are  performed.  Followed  the 
Probable  of  Balzac,  Thackeray,  and  Dickens, 
61 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

accompanied  by  the  Inevitable  as  represented 
by  the  Scarlet  Letter,  Romola,  Smoke,  and  Anna 
Karenina.  Precisely  where  we  stand  to-day 
it  would  be  difficult  to  determine;  certain  it  is 
that  the  recent  recrudescence  of  unduly  chi- 
valric  tales  has  run  its  course,  and  more  substan 
tial  diet  is  demanded.  May  it  not  be  possible 
that  the  reading  public  has  become  so  large 
that  there  is  no  longer  one,  in  the  sense  of  hav 
ing  a  common  taste,  and  that  desires,  likes,  and 
dislikes  are  more  diversified  than  ever  before? 
If  so,  would  it  be  the  part  of  wisdom  to  dis 
courage  the  building  of  fiction  around  the  mo 
tive  which  still  possesses  the  greatest  power  of 
attraction  ? 

True,  as  the  learned  lady  observed,  ambition 
is  now  a  mighty  force  and  merits  the  attention 
of  our  skilled  story-makers.  But  that  is  no 
recent  development.  Ambition  has  always  been 
a  potent  influence — more  potent  invariably  than 
love  in  the  cases  of  those  who  have  been  most 
conspicuous  in  the  world's  history.  This  was 
true  of  Alexander  and  of  Pompey;  and  any 
school-boy  can  tell  which  way  Napoleon  turned 
when  forced  to  choose  between  the  two.  In 
Julius  Caesar  love  and  ambition  seemed  to  jostle 
each  other  with  equal  force.  A  beautiful  per 
son  in  himself,  of  a  fair  complexion,  tall  and 
62 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

sprightly,  full-faced,  with  quick,  hazel  eyes, 
according  to  Suetonius,  all  the  great  ladies, 
from  the  queens  Cleopatra  and  Eunoe  and  the 
consorts  of  Pompey  and  Gabinius  and  Cassius, 
to  the  little  sister  of  Cato,  even  his  own  four 
wives,  we  are  told,  loved  him  devotedly;  but 
never  for  a  minute  of  an  hour  did  he  step  aside 
from  an  occasion  that  might  conduce  in  any 
way  to  his  advancement;  and  tales  in  plenty 
were  written  by  himself  and  others  of  his  con 
quests,  but  of  armed  men,  not  of  susceptible 
hearts. 

Again  true,  as  our  learned  lady  said,  the 
scientific  spirit  is  lifting  us  forward  and  religion 
is  broadening  and  enlightening,  but  is  it  a  fact 
that  "Education  does  more  to  advance  human 
ity  in  a  century  than  does  Master  Cupid  in  a 
thousand  years"?  It  is  a  harsh  and  uncom 
promising  view,  making  of  us  all  mere  hewers 
of  wood,  reducing  the  most  divine  of  our  attri 
butes  to  an  utterly  negligible  quantity,  disput 
ing  the  ennobling  influence  of  spirituality,  and 
leaving  to  life  itself  naught  else  than  the  deso 
lation  of  materialism  as  interpreted  by  science. 
Such  is  not  advancement  except  in  the  minds 
of  those  unblessed  with  the  finest  of  God's  gifts 
to  men  and  women — the  love  that  makes  the 
world  go  'round,  and  may  ever,  we  trust,  con- 
63 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

stitute  the  basis  of  OUT  stoiy -telling,  though  in 
nowise,  of  course,  being  barred  as  a  topic  of 
intellectual  discourse  among  learned  ladies  who 
know  less  or  more  of  that  whereof  they  speak. 


Jealousy   as   a   Curable   Disease   and   as   an   Admirable 
Attribute 

BECAUSE  the  world  continues  to  wag  much  as 
it  did  when  Malory  wrote,  "There  befele  a 
lalousye  betwixe  kynge  Marke  and  Sir  Tristram, 
for  they  loved  bo  the  one  lady,"  we  are  greatly 
interested  to  hear  from  France  that  the  most 
erudite  of  modern  scientists  are  convinced  that 
at  last  they  feel  justified  in  pronouncing  jealousy 
a  disease,  like  consumption,  which,  while  not 
invariably  curable,  may  yet  be  eradicated  in 
most  cases  by  enlightened  treatment.  The 
malady,  according  to  these  notable  discoverers, 
may  be  traced  through  three  distinct  phases: 
"First,  jealous  hyperesthesia,  or  morbid  excita 
tion  of  sentiments  attended  by  uneasiness  or 
fear;  second,  jealous  monomania,  which  is  a 
real  mental  disease  leading  to  the  mania  of 
persecution;  third,  jealous  insanity,  which  is  the 
last  stage  of  the  two  preceding  phases,  and  this 
should  be  treated  like  any  other  form  of  in 
sanity."  The  conclusion  logically  follows  that 
64 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

jealousy  is  only  an  affliction  of  the  nerve  centres 
of  the  brain,  and  can  be  readily  modified  by  the 
use  of  such  ordinary  therapeutic  remedies  as 
cold  douches  and  bromides.  The  experiments 
now  being  made  we  shall  follow  with  keen  in 
terest,  for  the  reason  that  a  successful  demon 
stration  of  the  efficacy  of  the  new  treatment 
would  obviously  tend  to  exercise  a  material 
influence  upon  the  intellectual  and  moral  de 
velopment  of  the  human  race;  and  yet  we  are 
constrained  to  question  whether  any  actual  ad 
vantage  is  to  be  gained  by  dealing  with  this 
disorder  through  exclusively  scientific  means. 

It  has  become  the  custom  of  thoughtless  and 
heedless  persons  to  regard  jealousy  in  all  of  its 
manifold  forms  as  obnoxious,  and  its  manifesta 
tion  as  discreditable;  and  so,  undoubtedly,  in  its 
most  vulgar  phase  it  should  be  considered  even 
by  the  thoughtful  and  heedful.  One  Pittacus, 
for  example,  as  good  and  just  and  wise  a  man 
as  lived  in  his  day  and  generation,  was  probably 
justified  in  begging  from  the  Senate  of  Mar 
seilles  the  privilege  of  killing  himself  because 
of  the  increasing  clamor  from  the  "jealous 
head"  of  his  wife.  Nor  may  we  dispute  the 
wisdom  of  the  judicial  body,  which  well  knew 
and  valued  his  worth,  in  acceding  to  his  request, 
despite  the  lamentable  and  in  our  judgment  un- 

65 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

warranted  bitterness  indicated  by  his  positive 
general  declaration  to  the  effect  that  there  could 
be  no  happy  marriage,  except  that  of  a  blind 
woman  to  a  deaf  man.  That  the  services  of 
such  a  one  should  have  been  lost  to  the  world 
for  a  cause  so  trifling  to  mankind  as  a  whole, 
however  exasperating  to  the  individual,  is,  of 
course,  regrettable;  but  there  must  have  been 
inherent  weakness  of  some  sort  in  a  man  who 
would  resort  to  a  remedy  which,  from  time  im 
memorial,  has  been  considered  cowardly,  and 
the  attempt  to  employ  which  is  to-day  a  mis 
demeanor  under  the  law  in  a  number  of  our 
States.  A  jealous  wife,  as  we  all  know  from 
sympathetic  observation  of  the  affairs  of  our 
neighbors,  is  a  severe  trial;  but,  clearly,  a  man's 
duty  to  his  fellow-men  should  restrain  him  from 
pursuing  a  course  which  opens  the  way  for  her 
to  foist  her  clamor  upon  another,  and  perhaps 
others,  equally  helpless.  It  is  a  matter  of  grave 
consideration  whether  the  appropriation  of  a 
moderate  sum  of  money  for  the  building  of  a 
ducking-stool  would  not  have  better  served  both 
the  Senate  and  the  senator. 

But  we   suspect  that   the  form  of  jealousy 

whose  cure  by  the  use  of  bromides  and  douches 

is   pronounced    by    the    French    savans    to    be 

practicable  is  that  defined  by  Addison  as,  "The 

66 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Pain  which  a  man  feels  from  the  apprehension 
that  he  is  not  equally  loved  by  the  Person  whom 
he  entirely  loves."  This  variety  of  suffering  is 
not  uncommon,  and  frequently  ends  in  homicide 
followed  by  suicide.  The  mind  of  the  man  thus 
afflicted  is  not  necessarily  abnormal;  it  may  be 
only  sensitive  and  resentful.  Even  in  these  com 
paratively  enlightened  days  barbaric  notions  pre 
vail  as  to  the  superior  rights  of  the  male;  and 
it  is  as  instinctive  among  humans  as  among 
beasts  to  feel  a  sense  of  deprivation  of  just 
dues  if  affection  be  not  returned  upon  demand. 
Consequently,  to  the  warped  judgment  murder 
becomes  a  mere  act  of  justice,  and  self-destruc 
tion  follows  naturally  to  forestall  the  penalty  of 
the  law.  Underlying  all  motives  is  the  common 
and  unreasoning  misconception  that  love  can 
be  acquired  by  insistence  upon  a  fancied  or  even 
real  right  to  its  possession.  If  persons  thus 
afflicted,  whose  tragical  doings  are  recorded 
daily  and  we  fear  with  growing  frequency  in 
the  newspapers,  would  emulate  the  example  of 
Pittacus  and  restrict  their  activities  to  attempts 
upon  their  own  lives,  there  would  be  little  cause 
for  grief;  but  unfortunately  this  happens  so 
seldom  and  the  efforts,  moreover,  are  so  often 
unsuccessful  that  we  are  disposed  to  welcome 
any  discovery  that  would  tend  to  save  for  others 
67 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

the   lives   even   of   ladies   of    flirtatious    dispo 
sition. 

But  further  than  this  we  could  not  con 
scientiously  go,  for  the  reason  that  in  all  other 
phases  jealousy  has  always  seemed  to  us  one 
of  the  most  admirable  and  attractive  of  the 
traits  directly  imparted  by  divinity  to  human 
ity  and  shared  with  substantial  equality  by 
both.  The  minor  prophet  Pusey  correctly  in 
terprets  the  Old  Testament's  recognition  of  the 
attribute  as  one  "whereby  God  does  not  endure 
the  love  of  His  creatures  to  be  transferred  from 
Him  or  divided  with  Him;  it  is  twofold;  an  in 
tense  love,  not  bearing  imperfections  or  unfaith 
fulness  in  that  which  it  loves  and  so  chasten 
ing  it;  or  not  bearing  the  ill-dealings  of  those 
who  would  injure  what  it  loves,  and  so  de 
stroying  them."  From  this  comprehensive  defi 
nition  sprang  the  application  to  human  affairs 
as  voiced  first  by  Bolingbroke  when  he  marked 
the  difference  between  jealousy  and  distrust, 
saying,  "Men  may  be  jealous  on  Account  of 
their  Liberties,  and  I  think  they  ought  to  be  so, 
even  when  they  have  no  immediate  Distrust 
that  the  Persons  who  govern  seek  to  invade 
them,"  and  reiterated  by  Emerson  in  the  charac 
teristic  phrase,  "The  jealousy  of  every  class  to 
guard  itself  is  a  testimony  to  the  reality  they 
68 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

have  found  in  life."  In  this  broad,  wise  sense 
no  nobler  trait  can  be  found  in  either  divinity 
or  humanity,  and  no  exception  can  be  taken  to 
the  direct  declaration  forbidding  the  worship  of 
graven  images,  "For  I  the  Lord  thy  God  am  a 
jealous  God,"  as  the  best  of  His  creatures  are 
to  this  day  jealous  men  and  jealous  women, 
conserving  in  real  stability  the  rights  of  others 
by  insisting  upon  their  own. 


The  Theory  and  Practice  of  Osculation 

ORIGINALLY,  kissing  was  a  form  of  mere 
salutation,  corresponding  to  the  custom  among 
the  Eskimos  of  rubbing  noses.  Thus,  in  the 
very  olden  days,  it  seemed  to  many  a  proper  and 
even  pious  act  to  kiss  the  feet  of  idols,  just  as 
even  now  millions  would  rejoice  in  the  oppor 
tunity — after  the  modern  manner,  of  course — 
to  kiss  the  toe  of  the  pope.  St.  Paul  extended 
this  phase  of  the  ceremony  by  inventing  and 
enjoin  ng  the  'holy  kiss,"  or  kiss  of  charity, 
signifying  Christian  love  and  brotherhood.  So 
far  as  we  have  been  able  to  learn,  this  method 
of  presenting  evidence  of  fellowship  served  sat 
isfactorily  while  confined  to  the  brethren;  but 
gradual,  and  apparently  not  unwilling,  par 
ticipation  in  it  by  the  sisters  gave  rise  to  un- 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

certainties  in  the  minds  of  so  many  husbands 
of  selfish  disposition  that  the  practice  was  long 
ago  discontinued,  and  is  now  never  observed, 
except  under  an  unusual  stress  of  circumstance, 
or  when  a  peculiarly  plausible  pretext  can  be 
found.  As  a  matter  of  fact,  the  kiss  prescribed 
by  the  Apostle  was  as  harmless  a  thing  as  the 
kisses  of  Arabian  women  upon  the  beards  of 
their  male  relatives;  but,  as  the  requirements  of 
the  times  became  less  rigorous,  the  habit  of 
osculation  increased,  and  abandonment  of  the 
pretty  custom  became  necessary,  for  reasons 
which  we  need  not  recount. 

But  it  is  not  the  kiss  as  a  symbol  of  friendship 
or  respect,  or  even  of  such  abject  submission  as 
is  referred  to  by  David  in  his  well  and  favorably 
known  psalm  telling  how  it  is  well  for  certain 
undesirable  citizens  to  "lick  the  dust,"  that  we 
deem  worthy  of  consideration  at  this  time.  In 
deed,  we  should  as  soon  think  of  endeavoring  to 
deduce  a  moral  from  a  shake  of  the  hand  or  a 
wag  of  the  ear  by  one  of  the  few  known  to  be 
gifted  with  the  capacity  to  practise  that  ac 
complishment.  That  which  formerly  fascinated 
us,  we  admit  frankly,  and  to  this  day  possesses 
an  interest  which  we  suspect  to  be  shared  by 
many,  is  the  kiss  upon  the  lips  by  reputable 
members  of  the  opposite  sexes — such,  for  ex- 
70 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

ample,  as  Jacob  lifted  up  his  voice  and  wept 
over,  on  first  meeting  Rachel,  when,  having 
rolled  away  the  stone  so  that  her  sheep  might 
reach  the  water,  he  took  his  reward  after  the 
pleasing  manner  of  his  kind  of  those  patriarchal 
days. 

The  notorious  and  reprehensible  conduct  of 
historians  in  neglecting  matters  of  real  impor 
tance  to  the  human  race  is  responsible  for  our 
lack  of  information  respecting  the  precise  time 
when  the  nature  of  the  kiss  insensibly  changed 
from  perfunctoriness  to  something  more  vital 
and  worth  while;  but,  apparently,  the  evolution 
was  completed  early  in  the  seventeenth  century. 
At  any  rate,  the  most  observing  of  Frenchmen 
who  thrived  at  the  end  of  the  sixteenth  century 
bemoaned  the  fact  that  promiscuity  had  ren 
dered  "of  no  esteem"  the  kisses  which  Socrates 
had  pronounced  "so  powerful  and  dangerous  for 
stealing  hearts";  whereas,  only  twenty-five 
years  later,  Dr.  Heylin,  making  his  interesting 
Survaye  of  France,  recorded  his  indignation 
at  the  incivility  of  the  ladies  in  turning  away 
from  kindly  proffers  of  salutation,  and  added 
in  true  British  fashion  his  own  belief  that  "the 
chaste  and  innocent  kiss  of  an  English  gentle 
woman  is  more  in  heaven  than  their  best  de 
votions."  We  should  hesitate  to  question  the 
71 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

exactitude,  even  as  to  adjectives,  of  one  so  high 
ly  reputed  for  accuracy  as  the  learned  doctor, 
but  his  disappointment — even  chagrin,  perhaps 
— may  be  appreciated  when  we  recall  the  fact 
that  simultaneously  Erasmus  was  writing  from 
England  to  his  friend  Andrelinus,  somewhat  en 
thusiastically,  in  this  wise: 

"If,  Faustus,  thou  knewest  the  advantages 
of  England,  thou  wouldst  run  hither  with  winged 
feet,  and  if  the  gout  would  not  suffer  that,  thou 
wouldst  wish  thyself  a  Daedalus.  For,  to  name 
one  among  many,  here  are  girls  with  divine 
countenances,  bland  and  courteous,  and  whom 
thou  wouldst  readily  prefer  to  thy  Muses.  And, 
besides,  there  is  a  custom  which  can  never  be 
sufficiently  praised;  for,  if  you  visit  anywhere, 
you  are  dismissed  with  kisses;  if  you  return, 
those  sweet  things  are  again  divided;  wherever 
you  go,  you  are  abundantly  kissed.  In  short, 
move  which  way  you  will,  all  things  are  full  of 
delight." 

We  perceive,  therefore,  that  France,  as  usual, 
established  this  fashion  of  regarding  promiscu 
ous  osculation  by  even  bland  and  courteous 
ladies  as  improper,  if  not,  indeed,  immodest,  at 
least  in  public;  but  the  dissatisfaction  of  Eng 
land  at  being  compelled  to  heed  the  decorous 
dictum  of  the  true  arbiter  is  clearly  evidenced  to 
72 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

this  day  by  the  more  responsive  attitude  of  her 
own  daughters  when  reasonably  assured  of  im 
munity  from  discovery. 

But,  however  interesting  may  be  the  history 
of  transition  in  national  characteristics,  it  can 
be  only  dull  and  even  tiring  in  comparison  with 
consideration  of  a  topic,  not  only  so  fascinating 
in  itself,  but  so  suggestive  of  related  subjects 
and  so  helpful  in  a  constant  endeavor  to  point 
out  to  the  human  race  the  way  of  advancement 
along  rational  and  practicable  lines.  So  we  re 
vert,  with  a  certain  sense  of  relief  and  antici 
patory  joy,  to  reflections  upon  the  theory  and 
practice  to  which  allusion  has  been  made  in  our 
simple  title. 

To  begin,  then,  at  the  beginning:  Is  kiss 
ing  a  necessity  or  a  luxury?  Is  it  beneficial 
or  harmful  ?  Under  what  circumstances,  to  what 
extent,  and  by  whom  should  it  be  indulged  in? 
And  why,  among  those  presumably  capable  of 
and  responsible  for  the  shaping  of  our  common 
destiny,  has  it  received  so  small  a  percentage 
of  the  attention  which  all  of  us  not  unfamiliar 
with  its  delights  fully  realize  that  it  deserves  ? 

Clearly,  custom  plays  a  large  part  in  the  de 
termination  of  these  problems.  The  marriage 
service  does  not  impose  a  specific  osculatory 
obligation  upon  either  party  to  the  contract; 
«  73 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

but  nobody  would  question  for  a  moment  the 
implied  right  of  each  to  kiss  the  other  at  suitable 
moments,  and  in  a  manner,  of  course,  not  in 
consistent  with  the  maintenance  of  the  dignity 
of  both.  Although,  we  may  safely  assume,  in  a 
large  majority  of  cases  the  practice  has  not  been 
wholly  neglected  during  the  period  of  court 
ship,  there  is  general  tacit  recognition  of  an 
abrupt  change  taking  place  in  the  quality  or 
flavor,  if  we  may  so  term  it,  of  the  caress  simul 
taneously  with  the  exchange  of  marital  vows. 
Indeed,  no  engraving  is  more  popular,  particu 
larly  in  our  rural  communities,  than  that  of 
the  tired  and  tearful  bride  receiving  from  the 
groom  a  salutation  of  the  variety  commonly 
described  as  "melting,"  as  the  minister  and 
parents  ostentatiously  disappear  through  the 
doorway.  In  France,  where  young  persons  are 
permitted  far  less  freedom  than  in  America 
or  even  in  England,  the  picture  is  truthfully 
labelled  "The  First  Kiss";  but  here  the  differ 
ence  in  condition  is  recognized  by  the  substitu 
tion  of  "Wedded  Bliss,"  or,  as  if  spoken  or 
breathed,  "Mine!"  and,  in  rare  instances,  "All 
Mine!" 

It  is  in  this  hint  of  possession  that  we  detect 
the  underlying  cause  of  the  change  in  quality 
or  flavor;  probably  at  no  other  moment,  either 
74 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

before  or  afterward,  are  necessity  and  luxury 
so  happily  blended.  From  that  time  forward, 
even  among  the  best-regulated  and  least-fash 
ionable  families,  the  caress,  as  an  inevitable 
consequence  of  frequency  and  easy  acquisition, 
gradually  simmers  down  to  an  inoffensive  but 
somewhat  perfunctory  evidence  of  friendliness. 
It  by  no  means  follows  that  this  fact  implies 
reproach;  on  the  contrary,  evolution  in  any  oth 
er  direction,  especially  toward  a  display  of  more 
ardent  emotion,  would  be  in  flat  opposition  to 
the  laws  of  nature,  and  consequently  abnormal. 
A  further  distinction  in  the  nature  of  the  kiss, 
involving  partial  reversion  to  the  earlier  type, 
often  arises  from  the  decease  of  one  of  the  part 
ners,  usually  the  husband;  but  it  may  be  ac 
cepted  as  a  certainty  that  the  savor  peculiar 
to  the  original  participation  can  never  be  wholly 
regained.  A  more  apt  illustration  or  more 
conclusive  confirmation  of  this  unhappy  truth 
could  not  be  desired  than  that  contained  in 
the  appellations  bestowed  upon  the  products 
of  his  art  by  the  most  famous  of  concocters  of 
beverages  designed  to  induce  a  quickening  of 
the  appetite.  Of  the  two  mixtures  from  whose 
invention  he  derived  the  highest  satisfaction, 
one  he  called  "The  Maiden's  Prayer";  the  other 
was  designated  as  "The  Widow's  Delight." 
75 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Both  were,  and  continue  to  be,  according  to 
current  reports,  deservedly  popular;  but  the 
significance  of  the  delicate  differentiation  and 
the  certainty  that  even  to  the  untutored  mind 
a  reversal  of  the  terms  would  have  seemed  pre 
posterous  tend  greatly  to  clarify  our  sufficiently 
explicit,  yet  necessarily  somewhat  vague,  as 
sertion  respecting  the  constantly  varying  qual 
ity  of  the  kiss  as  a  consequence  of  changing 
conditions.  We  suspect,  moreover,  that  the 
essentials  to  full  appreciation  of  osculatory 
favors  differ  correspondingly;  the  ingredients, 
for  example,  composing  that  which  the  artist 
felicitously  termed  a  "maiden's  prayer,"  while 
sufficing  in  early  life,  in  later  years  seeming 
insipid  and  inadequate  as  compared  with  the 
richer  combination  of  elements  comprised  in  a 
"widow's  delight."  Either  would  be  regarded, 
of  course,  as  a  luxury.  Indeed,  broadly  speak 
ing,  we  may  safely  assume  that  only  such  kisses 
as  convention  decrees  that  we  may  and  should 
have  at  will,  fall  within  the  realm  of  necessity; 
all  others,  although  in  widely  varying  degrees, 
are  indeed  luxuries. 

Whether  kissing  should  be  regarded  as  bene 
ficial  or  harmful  depends  largely  upon  the  point 
of  view  from  which  the  subject  is  considered. 
In  a  strictly  selfish  sense,  a  nice  balance,  prob- 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

ably,  should  be  struck  between  the  spiritual 
gain  and  the  physical  injury;  but  it  is  a  grave 
question  whether  for  any  reason  we  are  justified 
in  withholding  pleasure  from  others  of  a  sex 
whose  chief  craving  is  for  sympathy.  To  this 
extent  we  may  agree  with  the  physicians  that 
osculation  should  be  confined  to  those  of  ap 
proximately  the  same  ages;  the  indiscriminate 
kissing  of  babies,  keenly  susceptible  to  attacks 
from  germs  of  all  kinds,  and  the  fondling  of 
young  women  by  old  men  and  of  young  men 
by  old  women,  are  practices  not  only  offensive 
in  themselves,  but  unjust  in  the  sense  of  de 
priving  others  of  their  just  dues.  We  know 
of  but  one  instance  of  happiness,  though  of  a 
mitigated  kind,  having  been  secured  through 
abstinence  from  kissing.  That  was  the  case  of 
a  lady  who  married  a  man  who  had  a  bad  breath, 
and  who  went  to  her  grave  conscious,  of  course, 
of  the  suffering  she  had  undergone  from  such 
hateful  contact,  but  quite  unaware  that  her 
situation  was  in  any  way  peculiar,  as  she  sup 
posed  to  her  dying  day  that  all  men's  breaths 
were  offensive.  Inasmuch  as  the  poor  lady 
probably  could  not  have  divorced  the  wretch 
for  such  a  cause,  it  may  perhaps  be  urged  that 
she  profited  from  her  ignorance;  but  we  have 
never  heard  any  boasting  more  absurd  than 
77 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

that  of  her  relatives  over  so  rare  an  example 
of  perfect  chastity.  As  a  matter  of  fact,  of 
course,  the  unfortunate  lady's  exceptional  ig 
norance  merely  evidenced  her  unattractiveness ; 
because,  surely,  nobody  will  insist  that  a  comely 
female,  wed  or  unwed,  deaf,  dumb,  or  blind, 
ever  passed  through  life  in  such  utter  darkness. 
That  kissing  in  moderation  among  those  of 
like  ages  and  dispositions  involves  no  great  risk 
may  be  considered  established;  else  it  would 
not  have  been  invented  and  authorized  by  Holy 
Writ.  The  difficulty  lies  in  acting  within  rea 
sonable  restrictions,  but  this  is  common  to  all 
fascinating  practices;  and  the  sure  way  to  rout 
a  total  abstainer  from  any  cause  of  enjoyment 
is  to  hurl  Horace  at  his  head,  thus: 

"  Insani  sapiens  nomen  ferat,  cequus  iniqui, 
Ultra  quam  satis  cst,  virtutem  si  petit  ipsam," 

or,  as  we  would  say: 

"Mad  grow  the  wise,  the  just  unjust  are   found, 
When  e'en  to  virtue  they  prescribe  no  bound." 

In  such  matters,  those  who  desire  to  live  rightly 
without  depriving  themselves  unnecessarily  of 
any  form  of  enjoyment  may  well  take  home 
Paul's  admonition  to  the  Romans:  "Be  not 
wiser  than  you  should,  but  be  soberly  wise," 

78 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Heed  paid  to  this  sagacious  injunction  will  pre 
vent  one  from  going  very  far  along  the  wrong 
road,  while  simultaneously  permitting  suitable 
gratification  of  human  impulses. 

Why  osculation  has  received  so  little  atten 
tion  from  wise  men  we  cannot  tell.  It  may  be 
that  thinking  and  kissing  go  not  well  together; 
if  so,  few  of  us  would  require  long  time  to  choose 
between  them.  Or,  possibly,  the  subject  has 
seemed  to  require  too  delicate  handling;  or  it 
may  have  seemed  trifling.  We  neither  know 
nor  care.  The  most  valuable  practical  lesson 
to  be  derived  from  experience  and  now  set  down 
is  that  closing  of  the  eyes  is  essential  to  perfec 
tion  in  kissing.  Aside  from  this  hint  to  those 
of  congenial  spirit,  we  would  merely  direct  the 
attention  of  those  who  may  decry  the  impor 
tance  of  the  topic  to  the  influence  of  the  charm 
in  retaining  hold  upon  one  worth  keeping,  and 
rendering  less  frequent  and  hazardous  those 
absences  which  are  only  too  likely  to  make  the 
heart  grow  fonder — of  some  one  else. 


The  American  Girls  and  Boys 

WE  wonder  whether  the  observation  which 
convinced  Mr.  Howells  that  the  American  wom 
an  talks  with   a  nasal  twang  is   quite   recent, 
79 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Time  was,  perhaps  a  score  of  years  ago,  when 
undoubtedly  such  an  assertion  would  have  been 
capable  of  easy  demonstration,  especially  in 
New  England  and  the  Middle  West  peopled 
from  the  Atlantic  coast;  but,  while  hesitating 
to  dispute  the  conclusion  of  the  first  living 
American  student  of  social  conditions,  we  can 
not  refrain  from  expressing  the  opinion  that  a 
notable  change  in  enunciation  has  been  wrought 
during  the  past  few  years.  It  began  simulta 
neously  with  the  movement  eastward  of  teach 
ers  and  mothers  and  daughters  in  search  of 
combined  education  and  recreation,  and  it  has 
been  intensified  year  by  year  in  proportion  to 
the  swelling  magnitude  of  that  migration.  In 
that  fashionable  society  whose  god — or  should 
we  say  goddess? — is  form,  the  nasal  inflection 
has  been  wholly  obliterated;  and,  while  traces 
undoubtedly  remain  in  certain  segregated  sec 
tions  of  the  country,  we  seriously  question 
whether  anywhere  it  is  now  sufficiently  com 
mon  to  justify  the  declaration  that  it  is  the 
chief  defect  in  American  young  womanhood. 

Our  girls  have  not  yet  acquired  the  peculiar 
beauty  of  the  cultivated  English  voice  because 
of  a  continuing  disposition  to  speak  with  the 
muscles  of  the  throat  rather  than  of  the  lips ;  but 
this  practice  is  very  far  removed  from  the  nasal 
80 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

method,  and  possesses  a  distinct  advantage  in 
freedom  from  the  English  doll-like  monotony. 
In  common,  we  suspect,  with  Mr.  Howells,  we 
find  little  that  is  interesting,  aside  from  her 
physical  appearance,  in  the  American  girl  of  to 
day  between  the  ages  of  fifteen  and  twenty-two. 
She  has  failed  to  keep  pace  in  any  respect 
with  the  American  boy,  whose  advancement 
we  have  remarked  with  satisfaction.  Indeed, 
if  the  blunt  truth  be  spoken,  she  is  rather  a 
bore,  self-conscious,  ignorant,  and  concerned 
chiefly  with  matrimonial  aspirations.  To  the 
Englishman  her  pertness,  which  he  imagines  to 
be  chic,  is  fascinating  and  indicative  of  mental 
brightness,  but  this  effect  is  attributable  largely 
to  his  own  dulness.  It  is  the  clever  manage 
ment  of  a  limited  number  of  phrases,  supple 
mented  by  copious  use  of  what  he  considers 
delightful  slang,  not  substance  or  even  meas 
urable  information,  that  appeals  to  his  jaded 
mentality.  In  point  of  intelligence,  she  is,  we 
believe,  the  equal  if  not  the  superior  of  her 
English  cousin,  but  in  the  choice  of  language 
she  is  sadly  inferior.  The  use  of  slang  by  boys 
finds  some  excuse  in  unavoidable  association 
with  unrefined  men;  its  use  by  girls  is  simply 
odious  and  a  direct  reflection  upon  the  atten 
tion  and  taste  of  their  mothers.  This  is  easily 
81 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

proven  by  inquiry  into  the  sources  of  the  petted 
phrases.  Take,  for  example,  two  of  the  more 
recent— "Twenty-three"  and  "Skidoo."  These 
have  slightly  different  meanings,  the  exact  in 
terpretation  of  the  former  being  "to  the  rear," 
and  of  the  latter  "scamper"  or  "flee  in  haste." 
The  former  had  its  origin  at  the  race-track, 
which  ordinarily  has  only  sufficient  width  to 
accommodate  twenty-two  horses  standing  side 
by  side,  so  that  the  twenty-third  is  necessarily 
relegated  to  an  unfavorable  position.  The  use  of 
the  coined  phrase,  therefore,  suggests  a  knowl 
edge  of  details  of  professional  sport,  the  pos 
session  of  which  by  a  young  girl  is  distinctly 
unbecoming.  The  second  is  a  mere  substitute 
for  "skedaddle,"  itself  of  American  origin,  and 
now  regarded  by  common  assent  as  egregiously 
vulgar.  Scores  of  like  illustrations  might  be 
put  in  evidence ;  but  these  should  suffice  to  con 
vince  a  mother,  teacher,  or  even  a  compara 
tively  ignorant  girl  herself,  of  the  desirability 
of  seeking  the  roots  of  terms  whose  use  she  has 
come  to  regard  as  an  evidence  of  smartness. 

The  mother  of  the  present  day,  for  whose 
comrade-relationship  with  her  boys  we  have  pro 
found  admiration,  is  likely  to  be  so  apprehen 
sive  that  her  daughter  may  seem  old-fashioned 
and  lack  some  of  the  immediately  modern  com- 
82 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

petitive  fascinations  that  she  unwisely  toler 
ates  practices  disagreeable  to  herself.  Appar 
ently,  she  has  yet  to  learn  that,  to  the  intel 
ligent  American  of  marriageable  age,  pertness 
soon  comes  to  be  as  distasteful  as  even  priggish- 
ness.  While,  then,  in  no  sense  decrying  atten- 
tiveness  to  the  defect  still  considered  serious 
by  our  kindly  critic,  we  cannot  conscientiously 
forbear  indicating  a  foible,  the  importance,  of 
whose  elimination  seems  even  more  manifest. 

The  defect  lies  in  education.  On  the  whole, 
there  can  be  no  question  that  an  increase  of 
responsibilities,  demanding  both  absorption  and 
application  of  ideals,  would  be  beneficial  not 
only  to  young  women  themselves  but  to  all 
humankind.  Therefore,  endow  them  in  com 
mon  with  their  brothers  with  the  right  of  direct 
influence  in  the  conduct  of  the  affairs  of  their 
country,  and  rear  them  in  such  a  way  as  to 
inculcate  in  their  minds  a  realizing  sense  of  the 
obligations  they  are  about  to  assume. 

It  seems  to  us,  on  the  other  hand,  that  the 
quality  of  the  boy  now  growing  up  in  this  coun 
try  is  peculiarly  fine.  He  is  not  only  less  ob 
streperous  and  egotistical,  but  clearer  and  cleaner 
minded  than  the  lad  of  twenty  years  ago.  His 
advance  physically  will  be  manifest  to  any  one 
who  will  compare  the  figures  in  a  class  photo- 

83 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

graph  of  to-day  with  those  of  yesterday.  He  is 
taller,  straighter,  better-featured,  finer-haired, 
handsomer,  and  more  like  a  thoroughbred  in 
every  way.  The  exercise  to  which  much  of  this 
improvement  is  attributable  may  be  no  more 
zealous,  but  it  seems  to  be  less  spasmodic,  more 
consistent,  and  better  adapted  to  its  true  pur 
pose.  As  an  inevitable  sequence,  his  habits  have 
become  more  regular,  improving  in  turn  his 
manners.  Altogether,  he  has  become  attractive, 
partially  in  what  he  might  resent  being  called  a 
girlish  sense,  as  the  effect  of  his  greater  delicacy, 
but  chiefly  in  a  purely  masculine  way,  since  in 
point  of  reality  he  was  never  before  so  manly  or 
so  scrupulous  of  his  personal  honor.  His  mother 
is  the  one  chiefly  responsible  for  this  happy 
evolution.  Thirty  years  ago,  her  prototype 
donned  a  cap  and  became  frankly  middle-aged  at 
marriage.  From  that  day  the  principal  feature 
of  her  personal  appearance,  her  figure,  ceased  to 
interest  her  especially,  and  at  forty  she  was 
satisfactory  to  a  degree  as  a  mother  but  utterly 
worthless  as  a  comrade  and  a  helper.  To-day, 
at  forty-five  she  is  her  daughter's  equal  in  ap 
pearance,  and  usually,  we  believe,  her  superior 
in  the  possession  of  that  mysterious,  indefina 
ble,  yet  peculiarly  fascinating,  quality  known  as 
"charm."  She  has  not  only  maintained,  but 
84 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

enhanced,  her  attractiveness  by  growing  with, 
as  well  as  for,  her  children.  It  is  this  daily 
association  from  babyhood  with  her  to  whom 
instinct  accords  earliest  reverence  that  has  re 
fined  the  boy. 

The  father  may  have  been  no  less  congenial  as 
a  comrade,  but  circumstances  have  minimized  in 
a  comparative  sense  his  helpfulness  as  a  friend. 
Himself  the  product  of  a  generation  less  care 
fully  trained,  and  possessing  the  self-satisfaction 
of  personal  success,  he  is  unable  to  perceive  the 
desirability  of  a  change  in  method  tending  to 
broaden  development.  Hence  his  patronizing 
attitude,  his  disposition  to  continue  to  treat  as  a 
child  the  son  rapidly  approaching  manhood.  It 
is  the  mother,  persisting  in  being  a  girl,  who  is 
glad  to  be  regarded  and  treated  by  the  boy  as 
an  intellectual  equal.  To  her,  therefore,  belongs 
the  credit  of  a  transformation  which  we  believe 
to  be  clearly  perceivable,  and  which  bodes  the 
greatest  good  to  this  vast  American  organism 
which  soon  will  require  the  finest  mental  and 
moral  fibre  yet  demanded  by  civilization. 


Of  Obstinacy  in  Conversation 

WE  seem  to  perceive,  especially  among  wom 
en,  a  growing  disposition  to  regard  intellectual 

8s 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

obstinacy  as  a  valuable  adjunct  of  conversation 
and  to  exercise  it  accordingly.  The  method  is 
simple.  One  merely  makes  a  practice  of  em 
phatically  denying  the  assertion  or  deduction  of 
any  other,  thereby  enforcing  immediate  elucida 
tion,  of  whose  necessity  there  has  been  no  an 
ticipation  and  for  which  preparation  is  naturally 
lacking.  It  is  a  convenient  and,  if  unexpected, 
an  effective  way  of  shifting  the  burden  of  proof 
in  such  a  manner  as  to  profit  shrewdness  at 
the  expense  of  wisdom.  The  resultant  irritation, 
familiar  to  all  who  have  and  express  opinions  of 
their  own,  we  frankly  admit  not  only  to  have 
felt  ourselves  but  to  have  noted  with  inward 
glee  in  others.  This  fact  alone  sufficing  to  stamp 
the  practice  a3  being  unworthy  as  it  is  obviously 
unintellectual,  the  tendency,  if  our  premise  be 
correct,  merits  consideration. 

Judgments  respecting  the  value  of  mere  dis 
putation  or,  as  we  prefer  to  term  it,  mental 
obstinacy,  differ  widely.  Plato  entirely  prohib 
ited  the  exercise  to  "weak"  or  "ill-descended" 
minds,  and  Montaigne — after  declaring  that  "we 
only  learn  to  dispute  that  we  may  contradict; 
and,  every  one  contradicting  and  being  con 
tradicted,  it  falls  out  that  the  fruit  of  disputation 
is  to  lose  and  nullify  truth" — tacitly  assents 
when  he  demands  "To  what  end  do  you  go  about 
86 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

to  inquire  of  him  who  knows  nothing  to  pur 
pose?"  This,  however,  savors  not  only  of  rare 
petulance,  but  even  of  the  sly  inconsistency  of 
Mark  Twain's  dictum  that  he  admires  criticism 
— if  it  is  his  way ;  because  in  no  other  place  did 
the  great  French  philosopher  waver  from  his 
positive  declaration  that  "contradictions  do 
neither  offend  nor  alter,  but  only  rouse  and  exer 
cise  me."  Recognizing  a  presumptive  truth  in 
the  elder  Cato's  observation  that  "the  wise  may 
learn  more  from  the  fools  than  the  fools  from  the 
wise,"  he  professes  to  admire  "stout  expressions 
amongst  gallant  men,"  irrespective  of  the  merit 
of  the  utterances  or  the  intellectual  quality  of 
those  speaking;  he  values  only  "the  friendship 
that  flatters  itself  in  the  sharpness  and  vigor 
of  its  communication,  as  love,  in  biting  and 
scratching;  it  is  not  vigorous  and  generous 
enough  if  it  be  not  quarrelsome,  if  civilized  and 
artificial,  if  it  treads  nicely  and  fears  a  shock." 
Such  are  the  brave  words  of  the  great  man, 
but,  alas!  they  ring  as  untrue  as  his  accounts  of 
amours,  which  lived  only  in  his  imagination,  and 
are  completely  confuted  by  his  subsequent  naive 
assertion:  "When  any  one  contradicts  me,  he 
raises  my  attention,  not  my  anger;  I  advance 
towards  him  that  controverts  me,  as  to  one  that 
instructs  me ;  the  cause  of  truth  ought  to  be  the 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

common  cause  of  both;  what  will  he  answer?" 
Sincerity  flies  out  of  the  window;  policy  enters 
the  door.  Less  qualified  yielding  to  the  de 
testable  Socratic  method  of  setting  traps  for  the 
unwary  could  not  be  imagined.  Even  our  own 
canny  Franklin  was  more  ingenuous  when,  glee 
fully  recounting  his  discovery  of  the  art  in 
Xenophon's  Memorabilia,  he  wrote: 

"I  was  charmed  with  it,  adopted  it,  dropt  my 
abrupt  contradiction  and  positive  argumentation, 
and  put  on  the  humble  inquirer  and  doubter. 
And  being  then,  from  reading  Shaftesbury  and 
Collins,  become  a  real  doubter  in  many  points  of 
our  religious  doctrine,  I  found  this  method  safest 
for  myself  and  very  embarrassing  to  those  against 
whom  I  used  it.  Therefore,  I  took  a  delight  in  it, 
practised  it  continually,  and  grew  very  artful  and 
expert  in  drawing  people,  even  of  superior  knowl 
edge,  into  concessions,  the  consequences  of  which 
they  did  not  foresee,  entangling  them  in  difficulties 
out  of  which  they  could  not  extricate  themselves, 
and  so  obtaining  victories  that  neither  myself  nor 
my  cause  always  deserved. 

"I  continued  this  method  some  few  years,  but 
gradually  left  it,  retaining  only  the  habit  of  ex 
pressing  myself  in  terms  of  modest  diffidence; 
never  using,  when  I  advanced  anything  that  may 
possibly  be  disputed,  the  words  'certainly,'  'un 
doubtedly,'  or  any  others  that  give  the  air  of 
positiveness  to  an  opinion;  but  rather  say,  I  'con 
ceive'  or  'apprehend'  a  thing  to  be  so  and  so;  'it 
88 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

appears  to  me,'  or  'I  should  think'  it  so  and  so, 
for  such  and  such  reasons ;  or  I  '  imagine '  it  to  be 
so;  or  it  is  so,  'if  I  am  not  mistaken.' 

"  This  habit,  I  believe,  has  been  of  great  advan 
tage  to  me  when  I  have  had  occasion  to  inculcate 
my  opinions  and  persuade  men  into  measures  that  I 
have  been  from  time  to  time  engaged  in  promoting." 

The  cross-questioning  of  Socrates,  the  silly 
pretence  of  Montaigne,  and  the  crafty  caution 
of  Franklin,  as  combined  in  the  method  of 
those  who  display  what  we  have  termed  ob 
stinacy  in  their  conversation,  suffice  to  try  the 
patience  of  a  saint;  and  yet  we  cannot  deny 
that  the  extreme  contrary  is  equally  unworthy 
and  obnoxious.  We  are  driven,  therefore,  to 
inquire  whether  there  may  not  be  a  complete 
divergence  from  both  which  would  have  the 
seeming  of  a  happy  medium?  If,  for  example, 
one  be  neither  hatefully  disputatious  for  effect 
nor  hypocritically  humble  from  policy,  but  frank, 
natural,  and  wholly  honest  in  both  word  and 
mind,  is  there  not  a  reasonable  probability  that 
the  impression  made  upon  others  would  be  as 
agreeable  as  they  have  a  right  to  expect  ? 

A  Plea  for  Loquacity 

WHY    do    American    women    talk    so    little? 
Have  they  suddenly  become  so  religious  that 
7  89 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

they  consider  it  advisable  to  heed  even  the  dicta 
of  Solomon  and  the  injunctions  of  Paul?  We 
can  hardly  believe  this  to  be  the  case  even  in 
the  Lenten  period.  As  we  have  noted  frequent 
ly,  neither  the  wise  king  nor  the  eloquent 
apostle  was  suitably  equipped  by  experience 
and  association  for  the  guiding  of  womankind; 
one  had  too  many  wives,  the  other  had  none; 
wherefore  the  viewpoint  of  each,  though  vary 
ing  widely  from  that  of  the  other,  was  preju 
diced  and  untrustworthy.  The  very  petulance 
of  Solomon's  language  in  expressing  preference 
for  life  in  a  "corner  of  the  house-top"  rather 
than  "with  a  brawling  woman  in  a  wide  house" 
suggests  the  likelihood  of  an  annoying  experi 
ence  still  fresh  in  mind,  else  he  would  not  have 
dwelt  with  so  much  particularity  upon  the  size 
of  the  mansion.  Clearly  the  observation  was 
based  upon  an  actual  occurrence  resulting  ap 
parently  in  personal  chagrin  and  disappoint 
ment  at  the  untoward  conduct  of  one  of  the 
six  hundred  whom  he  had  recently  installed 
in  the  gilded  palace.  It  is  worthy  of  note,  in 
passing,  moreover,  that  there  is  no  intima 
tion  in  the  proverb  to  the  effect  that  the  cosey 
corner  on  the  house-top  was  uninhabited.  In 
deed,  circumstantially,  in  view  of  the  necessity 
of  stowing  away  so  many  companions,  it  would 
90 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

seem  quite  improbable,  so  we  may  reasonably 
assume  that  the  king's  peevish  utterance  was 
only  discriminatory  and  consequently  as  a  mat 
ter  of  general  application  meaningless. 

A  like  conclusion  is  not  so  obvious  from  the 
further  observation  that  "it  is  better  to  live  in 
the  wilderness  than  with  a  contentious  and  an 
angry  woman,"  but  the  propinquity  of  the  re 
marks  indicates  that  the  two  were  inspired  by 
the  same  obstreperous  lady.  And  even  at  that, 
as  has  been  the  case  usually  since,  the  conscience 
of  the  husband  seems  to  have  been  pricking 
even  then,  for  he  ingenuously  and  almost  im 
mediately  adds,  "Whoso  keepeth  his  mouth 
and  his  tongue  keepeth  his  soul  from  troubles" 
— a  significant  reflection  and  sound  to  this 
very  day. 

Paul's  adjuration  to  the  brethren  in  Corinth 
to  forbid  women  to  speak  in  the  church  also 
was  made  for  a  specific,  not  a  general,  purpose. 
The  Corinthian  women  were  so  forward  that 
they  frequently  appeared  unveiled,  contrary 
to  the  custom  of  their  country,  and  not  only 
spoke  their  minds  freely  in  public  assembly, 
but  garbed  their  persons  in  fine  raiment  to 
attract  favorable  attention.  Needless  to  add, 
their  efforts  were  successful,  and  the  meetings 
of  the  church  were  characterized  by  scenes  of 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

ribaldry  and  profligacy.  It  was  only  fitting 
and  necessary,  consequently,  for  Paul,  whose 
first  unfortunately  unrecorded  warning  had 
passed  unheeded,  to  insist  that  "if  they  would 
learn  anything,  let  them  ask  their  husbands  at 
home" — in  other  words,  let  them  remain  away 
from  the  church  altogether  until  they  should  be 
willing  to  "adorn  themselves  in  modest  ap 
parel,  with  shamefacedness  and  sobriety,  not 
with  braided  hair  or  gold  or  pearls  or  costly 
array,"  and  "learn  in  silence  with  all  subjec 
tion."  It  was  a  severe  rebuke,  and  justified t 
but  meant  only  for  the  flirts  of  Corinth,  not 
for  women  generally.  So  in  every  instance  it 
will  be  found  that  the  occasional  Scriptural  in 
junctions  to  silence  so  frequently  quoted  were 
placed  upon  womankind  solely  to  remedy  local 
or  spasmodic  evils.  There  is  no  ecumenical 
prohibition  of  feminine  loquacity  applicable  by 
any  stretch  of  the  imagination  to  women  of  the 
present  day.  Their  growing  reticence,  there 
fore,  cannot  spring  from  religious  motive  or 
prejudice. 

Can  it  be  that  Nature  is  reasserting  her  au 
thority?  We  may  not  deny  that  upon  all  fe 
males,  except  those  politely  considered  as  hu 
man,  she  did  and  does  enjoin  submissive  silence. 
It  is  the  cock  that  crows,  the  gander  that  honks, 
92 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

the  father  bird  that  sings,  the  bull-frog  that 
gulps,  and  even  the  masculine  grasshopper  that 
stridently  rasps  his  wings.  So  to-day,  in  con 
formity  with  barbaric  custom,  quietude  is  im 
posed  upon  the  harem  of  a  Turk  as  upon  that 
of  a  chanticleer,  but  how  long  since  not  without 
cause  did  we  suppose  we  perceived  the  disap 
pearance  of  the  habit  among  civilized  peoples! 
Are  we  not,  then,  driven  to  the  conclusion 
that  women  of  to-day  are  beginning  to  talk  less 
in  the  hope  of  thus  better  pleasing  men?  If 
so,  while  commending  the  motive,  we  would 
unhesitatingly  question  the  method.  American 
women  err  grievously  in  assuming  that  their 
actual  or  would-be  lords  dislike  to  hear  them 
converse  upon  all  suitable  occasions.  The  mere 
music  of  their  voices  as  contrasted  with  the 
raucous  male  note  easily  counterbalances  any 
possible  disparity  in  the  ideas  xpressed.  And, 
compared  with  sheer  stupidity  or  studied  sulki- 
ness,  loquacity  is  a  joy  to  all  mankind.  Upon 
all  grounds,  therefore — in  the  interest  of  prog 
ress  and  enlightenment,  for  the  unburdening  of 
the  spirit,  to  enhance  cheerfulness,  to  discour 
age  care,  to  brighten  the  home,  for  sincerity's 
sake  no  less  than  for  circumspection's,  even  for 
the  preservation  of  peace  and  quiet  within  and 
without  the  American  family — we  cry  out  for 
93 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

a  loosening  of    the    delicate    tongues    now  so 
strangely  and  so  suspiciously  stilled. 


The  Necessity  of  Woman  Suffrage 

WE  are  convinced  that  the  time  has  arrived 
when  the  welfare  of  the  nation  would  be  most 
effectually  conserved  by  conferring  upon  wom 
en  the  privilege  of  voting  and  holding  polit 
ical  office.  The  claim  of  leaders  of  the  cause 
that  the  franchise  should  be  granted  because 
of  a  presumed  inherent  right  we  cannot  admit. 
Whether  or  not  in  strict  conformity  with  purely 
ethical  considerations,  it  is  nevertheless  a  fact 
of  surpassing  moment  that,  since  the  world  be 
gan,  the  possession  of  power  has  depended  upon 
ability  to  acquire  and  hold  it.  Practically,  there 
has  been  no  change  in  this  regard,  certainly  since 
the  German  barons  took  possession  of  the  valley 
of  the  Rhine;  and,  theoretically,  custom  of  long 
prevalence  often  confers  authority  equal  to  that 
of  written  law.  Man  himself  is  not  permitted 
in  this  country  to  vote  except  in  compliance  with 
arbitrary  regulations,  which  universally  disfran 
chise  him  until  he  reaches  the  age  of  twenty-one, 
and  frequently  during  his  entire  lifetime. 

Advocates  of  the  change  only  weaken  their 
case  by  resting  it  upon  the  untenable  proposition 
94 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

that  the  action  of  the  founders  of  the  republic 
in  restricting  suffrage  to  their  own  sex  was  im 
moral.  Nor  do  they  strengthen  it  by  insisting 
that  the  policy  was  unwise.  Ethically  they  may 
in  their  arguments  adduce  a  semblance  of  justi 
fication,  but  the  fact  is  that  the  franchise  can  be 
obtained  only  by  convincing  those  in  actual 
authority  that  the  time  has  come  when  the 
bestowal  of  the  privilege  would  be  advantageous 
to  the  country.  Surely  nothing  can  be  gained 
by  devoting  to  resentment  of  a  condition  time 
and  energy  which  might  be  employed  in  com 
passing  a  remedy.  Moreover,  if  real  achieve 
ment  be  the  true  goal,  existing  circumstances 
cannot  be  ignored.  A  lawyer  visited  a  man  in 
jail,  Lstened  to  his  statement  of  the  cause  of  his 
incarceration,  and  said,  indignantly:  "This  is 
outrageous;  they  cannot  lock  you  up  on  such  a 
charge!"  "But,"  said  the  untutored  man,  with 
plaintive  voice,  "here  I  be!" 

The  women  of  a  century,  or  even  half  a 
century,  ago  were  notoriously  unfitted  for  the 
performance  of  political  acts.  They  possessed 
neither  of  the  requisites  —  education  and  ex 
perience.  But  mighty  progress  began  with  the 
recognition  of  mental  alertness  as  the  chief  in 
gredient  of  real  attractiveness  in  women,  and 
was  greatly  enhanced  by  the  sense  of  responsi- 
95 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

bility  aroused  by  their  acquirement  of  rights  in 
property.  To-day  we  are  satisfied  that  the  in 
tellectual  equipment  of  the  average  American 
woman  is  quite  equal  to  that  of  the  medial  man. 
Morally,  it  is  admitted,  she  is  his  superior,  and 
therein  lies  the  basis  of  our  conviction  that  as  a 
matter,  not  of  right,  but  of  policy,  she  should  be 
taken  into  full  political  partnership. 

To  those  who  advance  the  time-worn  argu 
ment  that  women  would  not  exercise  such  a 
privilege,  it  suffices  to  say  that  hundreds  of 
thousands  of  citizens  now  qualified  to  vote  sel 
dom  exercise  their  prerogative,  but  may  be  de 
pended  upon  invariably  in  an  emergency.  Equal 
reliance,  we  firmly  believe,  might  safely  be  placed 
upon  women.  In  any  case  assertion  to  the  con 
trary  is  wholly  speculative,  in  view  of  the  fact 
that  the  condition  has  never  arisen  and  the 
opportunity  has  never  been  accorded.  The  fur 
ther  objection,  based  upon  a  suspicion  that  uni 
versal  suffrage  would  threaten  the  family  rela 
tionship,  we  consider  a  mediaeval  notion,  and  no 
more  sound  than  a  theory  that  sons  should  not 
be  permitted  to  vote  lest  they  might  not  follow 
the  lead  of  their  fathers.  These  are  days  of  en 
lightenment,  independent  action,  and  individual 
responsibility,  not  of  subjection  of  any  portion 
of  the  human  race  morally  and  intellectually 
96 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

capable  of  exercising  authority  for  the  common 
good. 

The  three  evils  most  menacing  to  the  country 
to-day  are  (i)  debasement  of  moral  standards 
in  politics  and  business;  (2)  absorption  by  a  few, 
at  unwarranted  cost  to  the  many,  of  the  com 
mon  wealth;  and  (3)  unreasonable  and  violent 
expression  of  resentment  by  the  multitude. 
With  each  of  these  perils  the  American  woman 
is  quite  as  competent  to  cope  as  the  American 
man.  That  she  would  be  less  tolerant  of  moral 
deficiency  in  a  candidate  for  public  office  re 
quires  no  demonstration ;  that,  as  a  careful  house 
holder  and  ambitious  mother  constantly  prac 
tising  economies  for  the  advancement  of  her 
children,  she  would  take  an  active  part  in  re 
straining  monopolies  from  adding  undue  profits 
to  the  cost  of  general  living  seems  evident;  that 
her  keen  personal  interest  in  the  preservation 
and  protection  of  homes  and  property  would 
inevitably  constitute  her  a  conservative  balance 
against  the  increasing  horde  of  foreign-born 
voters  may  also,  we  submit,  be  accepted  as  a 
certainty. 

Until  recently  the  necessity  for  woman's  in 
fluence  in  politics  has  not  been  apparent;  it  is 
now,  and  it  will  become  increasingly  so  during 
the  next  few  years.  It  is  true,  doubtless,  that 
97 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

at  the  moment  the  average  woman  is  not  ad 
equately  equipped  with  information  respecting 
public  affairs;  but  may  not  this  be  due  chiefly 
to  the  absence  of  occasion  for  its  acquirement  ? 
Moreover,  is  it  certain  that  she  is  not  even  now 
as  well  qualified,  at  least,  as  the  average  unit 
in  the  great  mass  of  American  voters?  And, 
at  the  very  worst,  would  not  her  mere  instinct 
afford  a  guide  wiser  and  safer  than  the  sordid 
motives  which  now  actuate  so  great  a  proportion 
of  the  electorate  ? 

For  the  purposes,  therefore,  of  purifying  the 
ballot,  of  establishing  and  maintaining  lofty 
standards  as  to  the  qualifications  required  of 
candidates  for  public  office,  of  effecting  an  evener 
distribution  of  earnings,  of  providing  a  heavier 
balance  of  disinterestedness  and  conservatism 
against  greed  and  radicalism,  we  reiterate  the 
expression  of  our  firm  belief  that  universal  suf 
frage  has  now  become,  not  only  desirable,  but 
almost  a  paramount  necessity. 


The  Unequal  Conditions  of  Men  and  Women 

IT  is  not  so  long  ago  when  members  of  a  relig 
ious  sect  were  firmly  convinced  that  there  was 
but  one  road  to  heaven.     Now  there  is  a  quite 
general  consensus  of  tolerant  opinion  that  there 
98 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

are  many  ways,  and  that  no  one  of  the  avenues 
is  so  narrow  as  that  solitary  path  once  fixed  by 
creed  or  inherited  prejudice.  The  chief  point 
we  would  make  in  this  connection  is  that  actu 
al  accomplishment  in  the  extension  of  the  suf 
frage  to  women  is  dependent  upon  ability  to 
convince  those  who  really  possess  authority, 
rightfully  or  wrongfully,  of  the  wisdom  or  ne 
cessity  of  sharing  it  with  others  who,  in  point 
of  fact  at  the  present  time,  are  deprived  of  the 
privilege  of  exercising  it.  Appeals  to  conscience 
and  sense  of  fairness  may  be  effective  with  some 
men;  therefore  let  them  be  made  without  stint, 
and  God  speed  the  effort!  But  why  impair 
the  full  force  of  these  appeals  by  reservation  of 
any  kind  not  absolutely  required  by  moral  law? 
Frank  recognition  of  existing  conditions  is  the 
first  essential  requisite  of  reformation  always. 
We  may  as  well  admit,  then,  at  the  outset,  that 
the  average  modern  man  is  egotistical  and  the 
average  modern  woman  parasitical.  Neither 
fully  appreciates  this  simple  truth,  and  none, 
of  course,  will  admit  it;  but  the  fact  remains, 
and  is  easily  demonstrated  by  the  most  casual 
observation.  The  cause  lies  in  the  utter  in 
equality  of  the  sexes,  developed  by  ages  of  pre 
sumably  progressive,  but  surely  artificial,  ex 
istence.  There  was  no  such  disparity  in  the 
99 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

beginning  of  earthly  things,  as  we  know  them. 
Primitive  man  and  primitive  woman  differed 
only  in  characteristics  which  have  continued  to 
this  day;  in  other  respects  they  were  of  sub 
stantially  the  same  rank.  The  chief  difference 
lay  in  the  fact  that  his  nature  was  destructive, 
as  it  still  is;  while  hers  was,  as  it  continues  to  be, 
constructive.  When  he  sought  to  kill  the  beasts 
of  the  field  and  the  fowls  of  the  air  for  food,  she 
learned  from  the  animals  how  to  extract  the  poi 
son  from  herbs  and  provide  sustenance,  if  need 
should  arise,  through  domestication  of  plants. 
His  exploits  were  more  brilliant  and  venture 
some  and,  when  successful,  more  satisfying; 
but  it  was  her  work  that  afforded  safeguard 
against  failure,  and  transformed  a  mere  chance 
into  a  certainty  of  existence.  There  ensued,  as  a 
matter  of  course,  the  equality  of  interdepen 
dence,  the  material  daring  and  aggressiveness  of 
the  one  admirably  supplementing  the  greater 
patience  and  foresight  of  the  other,  and,  mirabile 
dictu,  he  regarding  her  invariably  with  respect, 
not  tolerance,  and  she  relying  in  no  sense  upon 
him  for  protection  from  chivalrous  motives  or 
instinct. 

To  trace  the  change  wrought  by  what  is  or 
dinarily  termed  "  the  intellectual  development  of 
the  human  race  ' '  would  surely  be  wearisome  and 
100 


WOMEN,   ETC. 


quite  likely  unprofitable.  Moreover,  it.irught, 
be  a  question  not  easily  determined, 'even 'though 
we  had  a  choice,  which  would  be  the  better  way 
of  living — theirs  or  ours.  The  chief  fact  to 
reckon  with  for  the  moment  is  the  difference, 
and  that  becomes  apparent  when  we  admit,  as 
we  must,  if  truthful  with  ourselves,  that  every 
man  living  to-day  unconsciously  assumes  superi 
ority  over  woman,  and  no  living  woman,  at  least 
in  America,  questions  for  a  moment  her  inherent 
right  to  demand  support  and  protection  from 
man.  Clearly,  while  such  conditions  continue, 
talk  or  thought  of  true  equality  is  farcical  to  a 
degree,  and  mere  expediency  offers  as  sure  a 
basis  for  argument  in  favor  of  universal  suffrage 
as  claim  of  actual  prerogative,  if  not,  indeed,  a 
surer  one.  But,  since  the  opening  of  one  road 
does  not  necessarily  close  another,  there  would 
seem  to  be  no  good  reason  for  restricting  choice 
or  for  bickering  at  the  crossways. 

A  Decalogue  for  Women  ? 

FEW  women,  we  suspect,  appreciate  the  mag 
nitude  of  the  sacrifice  they  would  be  required 
to  make  to  be  placed  upon  a  plane  of  abso 
lute  equality  with  men.  They  cannot  hope  to 
acquire  equal  rights  and  privileges  without  as- 
101 


WOMEN,    ETC, 

Sliming  simultaneously  equal  obligations  under 
ifcligiot^s  as  well  33  under  secular  law.  To  those 
who  are  unacquainted  with  the  inestimable 
boon  which  they  now  possess  in  being  exempt 
from  the  prohibitions  imposed  by  the  Decalogue 
upon  men  in  respect  of  certain  specified  acts, 
the  acceptance  of  full  responsibility  signifies 
little,  if  any,  addition  to  the  burdens  now  borne. 
Wiser  ones  doubtless  appreciate  the  extent  of 
the  immunity  which  they  now  enjoy,  and  they 
may  well  hesitate  for  a  long  time  to  forsake,  for 
mere  temporary  advantages,  a  position  likely  to 
prove  so  serviceable  in  the  hereafter.  Whether 
feminine  opposition  to  the  attempt  to  establish 
equal  rights  on  earth  is  based,  in  part,  upon 
intelligent  realization  of  the  accompanying  ne 
cessity  of  waiving  this  precious  privilege,  we 
cannot  say;  but  it  is  clear  that  no  woman 
should  be  permitted,  through  ignorance  or  mis 
apprehension,  to  adopt  a  course  which  might 
tend  to  her  undying  regret  in  the  world  to  come. 
The  fact,  of  course,  is  that  women  are  not 
only  not  bound  by,  but  are  freed,  at  least  by 
inference,  from  any  obligation  to  observe  the 
requirements  of  our  fundamental  religious  law. 
The  Ten  Commandments  were  written  for  men 
and  apply  to  men  exclusively,  except  in  so  far 
as  indirectly,  through  the  agency  of  men,  cer- 
102 


WOMEN,   ETC. 

tain  minor  duties  are  imposed  upon  members 
of  their  households,  and  even  here  the  full  re 
sponsibility  devolves  upon  the  head  of  the  tribe 
or  family. 

The  Fourth  Commandment,  providing  for  a 
proper  yet  practicable  observance  of  the  Sab 
bath,  directs  that  "in  it  thou  shalt  not  do  any 
work,  thou,  nor  thy  son,  nor  thy  daughter,  thy 
man-servant,  nor  thy  maid-servant,  nor  thy 
stranger  that  is  within  thy  gates."  All  mem 
bers  of  the  household  are  comprised  within  the 
prohibition  except  one.  "Nor  thy  wife"  does 
not  appear,  and  some  have  been  led  to  suppose 
that  the  significant  omission  means  that  "thou" 
includes  both  husband  and  wife.  The  true  ex 
planation  is  quite  different,  as  we  immediately 
perceive  upon  comparing  this  with  the  Tenth 
Commandment.  "Thou  shalt  not  covet  thy 
neighbor's  house,  thou  shalt  not  covet  thy 
neighbor's  wife,  nor  his  man-servant,  nor  his 
maid-servant,  nor  his  ox,  nor  his  ass,  nor  any 
thing  that  is  thy  neighbor's." 

Clearly  here  "thou"  does  not  include  the 
wife  with  the  husband;  the  injunction  is  ad 
dressed  explicitly  and  exclusively  to  the  head 
of  the  household,  who  is  very  properly  forbidden 
to  covet  any  of  his  neighbor's  properties,  some 
of  which  are  specified  in  the  order  of  their  value. 
103 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Two  omissions  from  this  commandment  as 
contrasted  with  the  Fourth  possess  peculiar 
significance.  The  head  of  the  family  must  not 
permit  his  son  or  daughter  to  work  on  the 
Sabbath,  but  he  is  not  forbidden  to  covet  the 
children  of  his  neighbor.  The  reason  for  this 
differentiation  is  plain.  Any  except  necessary 
toil  on  the  seventh  day  would  be  unseemly  in 
the  one  case,  and,  in  the  other,  there  was  no 
need  to  forbid  the  coveting  of  the  privilege  of 
supporting  non-producing  young  persons.  Only 
the  wives  and  servants  and  oxen  and  asses  pos 
sessed  actual  value  in  common  with  inanimate 
possessions. 

The  reason  for  the  omission  of  "thy  wife" 
from  the  Fourth  Commandment  now  becomes 
manifest.  Nature  required  that  sustenance 
should  be  supplied  to  the  human  body  even  on 
the  seventh  day,  and  it  had,  of  course,  to  be 
prepared  and  served  by  some  person.  The  in 
junction  against  work  being  performed  by  any 
member  of  the  household  except  the  wife  leaves 
no  room  for  doubt  as  to  who  that  person  was. 
Moreover,  the  custom  of  the  Jews  at  that  period 
and  to  a  much  later  day  confirms  the  theory 
that  on  this  day  even  the  servants  were  to  re 
main  idle,  "that  they,"  in  the  amplified  Deuter 
onomy  version,  "may  rest  as  thou" — i.  e.,  the 
104 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

head  of  the  house — and  that  the  wives  should 
perform  the  necessary  services. 

The  careful  phrasing  in  both  forms  of  the 
Fourth  and  Tenth  Commandments  definitely 
disposes  of  any  idea  that  the  laws  were  meant 
to  apply  equally  to  husband  and  wife,  and  that 
"thou"  comprises  both.  If  such  had  been  the 
intent,  clearly  ''Thou  shalt  not  covet  thy  neigh 
bor's  wife"  would  have  read  "Thou  shalt  not 
covet  thy  neighbor's  consort,"  or  some  like 
comprehensive  term.  Besides,  upon  the  falla 
cious  assumption  noted,  the  deliberate  failure 
to  forbid  the  coveting  of  husbands  implies  posi 
tive  permission  to  do  so,  thus  creating  a  dis 
tinction  which  would  be  most  unfair.  Further 
proof  of  the  fact  that  "thou"  refers  exclusively 
to  the  head  of  the  family  is  hardly  required. 
It  follows  necessarily  that  none  of  the  other 
commandments,  in  which  no  distinction  in  re 
spect  to  sex  appears,  such  as  "Thou  shalt  not 
steal,"  applies  to  women,  since  none  was  ad 
dressed  to  them,  but  all  were  directed  exclu 
sively  to  the  men,  who  were  held  and  are  of 
course  to-day,  strictly  speaking,  accountable 
under  our  fundamental  religious  law  for  the 
earthly  conduct  and  heavenly  prospects  of 
their  wives.  The  fact  that  men  have  imposed 
restrictions  upon  women  during  the  ages  of  their 
8  105 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

control  since  the  Decalogue  was  promulgated  is 
wholly  immaterial  and  need  be  considered  only 
in  a  diplomatic,  not  at  all  in  a  moral,  sense. 

Of  the  two  versions  of  the  Decalogue,  that  in 
Exodus  is  regarded  by  the  majority  of  scholars 
as  the  older,  although  even  in  this,  as  well  as 
in  the  version  presented  in  Deuteronomy,  am 
plifications  have  been  introduced  which  did 
not  exist  in  the  original  form,  and  traces  of  one 
yet  older  appear  in  the  thirty-fifth  chapter  of 
Exodus.  Both  Philo  and  Maimonides,  in  order 
to  remove  all  anthropomorphic  conceptions,  in 
sist  that  the  Ten  Words  were  not  spoken  by 
God's  voice,  but  by  an  impersonal  voice  created 
especially  for  the  enunciation;  and  both  the 
Jews  and  Karaites  hold  that  the  writing  on  the 
tables  was  likewise  a  "creation,"  although,  of 
course,  the  direct  divine  origin  of  both  the 
spoken  and  written  words  is  unquestioned. 
Nor  is  there  any  doubt  that  Moses  was  the  in 
termediary  and  expositor,  but  there  is  only 
very  general  ground  for  the  belief  that  his 
many  amplifications  were  fully  inspired.  It  is 
well,  therefore,  in  trying  to  reach  the  true  mean 
ing  of  expressions  pertaining  to  the  point  in 
issue,  to  consider  the  environment  and  attend 
ant  circumstances  which  may  have  influenced 
the  prophet's  mind. 

106 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

What,  then,  was  the  personal  attitude  of 
Moses  toward  women?  That  he  possessed  pe 
culiar  powers  of  attraction  for  them  there  can 
be  little  doubt.  It  was  because  he  was  so  beau 
tiful  as  a  babe  that  Amram  and  Jochebed  de 
termined,  at  no  small  risk  to  themselves,  to 
preserve  his  life,  and  that  the  gentle  heart  of 
Thermutis  went  out  to  him.  "God  did  also 
give  him  that  tallness,  when  he  was  but  three 
years  old,  as  was  wonderful,"  writes  Josephus; 
"and  as  for  his  beauty,  there  was  nobody  so 
impolite  as,  when  they  saw  Moses,  they  were 
not  greatly  surprised  at  the  beauty  of  his  coun 
tenance;  nay,  it  happened  frequently  that  those 
that  met  him  as  he  was  carried  along  the  road 
were  obliged  to  turn  upon  seeing  the  child,  that 
they  left  what  they  were  about  and  stood  still 
a  great  while  to  look  on  him;  for  the  beauty  of 
the  child  was  so  remarkable  and  natural  to  him 
on  many  accounts,  that  it  detained  the  specta 
tors,  and  made  them  stay  longer  to  look  upon 
him." 

This  pretty  description  we  may  well  consid 
er  to  be  the  product  of  a  vivid  imagination, 
but  Josephus's  detailed  account  of  how  Moses, 
while  a  young  man,  utilized  his  personal  at 
tractiveness  to  great  advantage  cannot  be  ig 
nored,  since  it  is  confirmed  by  the  more  pains- 
107 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

taking  Irenaeus.  According  to  this  tale,  while 
at  the  head  of  an  Egyptian  army  besieging  the 
Ethiopian  city  of  Saba,  Moses  was  seen  by 
Tharbis,  the  daughter  of  the  king,  who  forth 
with  became  enamoured  of  him,  and  sent  a 
message  to  him,  saying  that  she  would  procure 
the  delivering  up  of  the  city  if  he  would  take 
an  oath  to  marry  her.  Although  dusky,  Thar 
bis  was  a  princess  and  good  to  look  upon,  and 
the  youthful  Moses  accepted  the  proposition. 
Thereupon  his  army  was  admitted  through  the 
wall  and  took  the  city,  and  the  princess  dropped 
her  title  to  become  plain  Mrs.  Moses.  What 
became  of  her  subsequently  nobody  knows. 
The  record  merely  states  that  Moses  led  his 
victorious  army  back  to  Egypt,  and  remained 
there  until  Pharaoh  threatened  to  kill  him. 
Then,  as  all  will  recall,  he  ran  away  and  drew 
water  from  a  wayside  well  for  the  seven  daugh 
ters  of  Reuel,  who  was  so  grateful  that  he  gave 
him  his  daughter  Zipporah  in  marriage. 

One  would  suspect  that  Moses  was  obliged 
to  accept  whichever  of  the  seven  was  offered  to 
him,  because  it  seems  incredible  that  a  young 
man  of  his  discernment  would  not  have  selected 
one  more  amiable.  Zipporah,  despite  the  fact 
that  her  name  signifies  "a  bird,"  must  have 
been  a  very  peevish  young  lady.  It  is  quite 
108 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

possible,  too,  that,  being  a  daughter  of  a  high- 
priest,  she  felt  that  her  social  position  was  better 
than  that  of  her  husband.  In  any  case,  she 
behaved  so  badly  and  scolded  so  loudly  that 
she  disturbed  the  patrons  of  the  inn  at  which 
they  were  tarrying  while  on  their  way  to  Egypt, 
and  Moses,  finding  that  he  could  abide  her  no 
longer,  packed  her  and  her  children  upon  the 
back  of  an  ass  and  sent  them  home  to  her 
father.  The  significant  point  in  this  incident, 
of  course,  is  that  so  meek  a  man  would  not  have 
treated  a  high-born,  high-spirited  lady  in  such 
a  manner,  even  under  so  severe  provocation,  if 
he  had  not  shared  the  common  opinion  of  his 
day  which  classed  married  women  with  slaves 
and  beasts  of  burden,  as  live  personal  proper 
ties.  Years  afterward,  when  her  father,  the  high- 
priest,  brought  Zipporah  to  her  husband,  then 
become  a  great  man,  Moses  received  her  kindly, 
but  no  further  word  of  either  her  or  her  sons 
appears  in  the  record. 

Many  careless  writers  refer  to  Zipporah  as  an 
Ethiopian,  because  Miriam  and  Aaron  complain 
ed  of  Moses  for  having  brought  disgrace  upon 
their  family  by  marrying  a  member  of  that 
dusky  tribe;  but  there  is  no  real  basis  for  such 
a  belief.  Reuel  was  a  noble  as  well  as  a  high- 
priest,  and  originated  the  plan  of  organization 
109 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

of  the  tribes  adopted  by  Moses,  thus  indicating 
the  possession  of  a  stronger  intellectuality  than 
was  common  among  the  Cushites.  Josephus, 
as  we  have  seen,  accounts  for  the  cause  of  the 
accusation  in  a  romantic  but  probably  fanciful 
manner.  Many  years  elapsed  after  the  mar 
riage  with  Zipporah  and  the  reported  marriage 
with  Tharbis  before  Miriam  complained,  and 
it  is  most  unlikely  that  the  proud  and  sharp- 
tongued  prophetess  would  have  waited  so  long. 
We  are  driven,  then,  to  the  learned  Doctor 
Fausset's  conclusion  that  the  Ethiopian  re 
ferred  to  was  a  lady  whom  Moses  espoused 
after  the  death  or  departure  of  Zipporah.  We 
must  not  assume,  however,  that  the  Almighty 
indicated  His  approval  of  miscegenation  by  re 
buking  Aaron  and  Miriam  for  murmuring  over 
their  brother's  choice  of  a  helpmeet,  because  the 
words  "ethiopian"  and  "cushite"  were  often 
used  as  synonymous  with  "beautiful,"  and  it  is 
altogether  probable  that  the  jealous  prophetess 
cried  out  in  resentment  at  the  impairment  of 
her  own  influence  over  Moses.  On  the  whole, 
therefore,  it  seems  reasonably  certain  that  the 
great  lawgiver's  domestic  life  was  praiseworthy 
in  view  of  the  fact  that  his  first  wife  proved 
to  be  a  shrew,  and  that  in  expounding  the 
laws  he  was  influenced  by  no  consideration 
no 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

that  could  conflict  in  any  way  with  the  ac 
cepted  doctrine  of  the  time  that  man  is  and 
ought  to  be  the  head  of  a  tribe  or  family  and 
personally  responsible  for  the  acts  of  all  mem 
bers  thereof. 

The  real  question,  as  we  stated  it  at  the  be 
ginning,  is  whether  the  waiving  of  exemption 
from  the  prohibitions  prescribed  for  men  by 
the  religious  law  can  be  counterbalanced  by 
purely  mundane  gain  such  as  would  be  derived 
from  universal  suffrage.  Clearly  that  is  a  point 
which  should  be  determined  by  women  them 
selves.  If  they  should  see  fit  to  waive  their 
obvious  prerogative  for  the  common  good,  the 
decision  would  redound  greatly  to  their  credit, 
but  it  is  one  which,  frankly,  we,  if  in  their  place, 
should  make  only  after  most  careful  considera 
tion.  But  we  feel  satisfied  that  men  now  pos 
sessing  authority  will  make  no  further  marked 
concessions  in  respect  to  the  governing  power 
unless  and  until  women  voluntarily  place  them 
selves  under  equal  moral  limitations.  Whether, 
in  the  event  of  their  deciding  to  do  so,  an  at 
tempt  should  be  made  to  revise  the  Command 
ments  to  conform  to  modern  conditions,  or  to 
compose  a  special  Decalogue  for  Women ,  is  a  ques 
tion  for  the  theologians,  and  one  which,  at  the 
moment,  we  do  not  feel  called  upon  to  discuss, 
in 


ETC. 


ETC. 


The  Folly  of  Worry,  and  Its  Cure 

BEING  human,  happily  or  unhappily,  we  can 
not  deny  the  comfort  to  be  found  in  the  reflection 
that  misery  never  lacks  the  company  it  loves. 
We  all  have  our  troubles,  and  some  of  us  derive 
much  satisfaction  from  the  contemplation  of 
them.  Indeed,  there  are  those  who  are  happy 
only  when  wretched ;  but  these  we  believe  to  be 
as  few  in  number  as  they  are  disagreeable  in 
association;  the  vast  majority  of  humans  are 
normal,  and  disposed,  therefore,  in  conformity 
with  natural  law,  to  smile  when  the  skies  are 
clear  and  to  grieve  under  the  portent  of  clouds. 
Hence  the  ease  with  which  worry  takes  posses 
sion  of  the  mind,  colors  the  disposition,  and 
makes  a  cripple  of  effort.  That  causes  abound 
we  know  and  must  admit,  as  we  do  almost  un 
consciously  the  certainty  of  death;  but  too  little 
cognizance  is  taken  of  the  fact  that  the  effect 
"5 


WOMEN,    ETC, 

of  mere  apprehension,  which  is  all  that  worry 
really  is,  may  be  subjected  to  simple  mental 
treatment  and  be  overcome. 

We  would  undertake,  first,  to  demonstrate 
the  folly  of  worry.  This  may  seem  supereroga 
tory,  but  it  is  wise  always  to  place  well  the  foun 
dation  of  the  simplest  proposition  and  yet  more 
important  to  make  plain  the  substantial  advan 
tages  to  be  gained  from  heeding  a  suggestion. 
As  a  force,  then,  worry  is  purely  negative  and 
therefore  destructive ;  it  never  incites ;  it  always 
discourages,  because  back  of  it  is  fear — fear,  not 
of  something  in  view,  but  of  the  terrifying  un 
seen.  It  is  the  nightmare  of  day,  cruelly  ab 
sorptive  of  mental  and  physical  energies  and,  of 
all  diseases,  the  most  nerve-lacerating.  Such  a 
force  obviously  cannot  help,  but  must  necessa 
rily  hinder,  the  removal  of  obstacles,  since  itself 
has  already  sapped  the  very  qualities  essential 
to  success  and  broken  the  power  of  resolution. 

Moreover,  constant  brooding  often  brings  to 
pass  the.  very  thing  dreaded,  which  otherwise 
would  not  have  happened.  We  all  have  noted 
instances  of  the  making  up  of  a  story  from  noth 
ing,  and  its  telling  and  retelling  so  many  times 
that  ultimately  the  author  himself  honestly  be 
lieves  it  to  be  true.  So  with  worry,  beginning 
with  doubt  and  mere  imaginings,  proceeding 
116 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

by  steady  stages  through  more  definite  appre 
hension  to  settled  expectation,  and  finally  cul 
minating  in  actual  realization  Even  though 
this  conclusion  be  not  reached,  it  often  happens 
that  a  mere  fancy  feeds  and  feeds  and  grows 
and  grows,  until  the  continuous  thought  be 
comes  so  dominant  that  the  effect  of  the  dread 
becomes  as  harmful  as  that  of  the  unfulfilled 
reality  would  have  been. 

Yet  more  serious  is  the  deprivation  of  aid  from 
others  brought  about  by  the  transference  of  im 
pression.  In  these  days  of  co-operation,  none  is 
capable  of  really  great  accomplishment  single- 
handed;  each  is  dependent  consciously  or  un 
consciously  upon  his  fellows.  It  is  essential, 
therefore,  to  maintain  the  effectiveness  of  the 
helpful  forces  which  must  be  drawn  upon  from 
that  source.  Instead  of  doing  this,  as  some 
suppose,  by  creating  sympathy,  worry  exercises 
a  directly  contrary  influence  by  self-communica 
tion  to  other  minds. 

"It  is  now  a  thoroughly  established  scien 
tific  fact,"  says  Dr.  Leander  Edmund  Whipple, 
"that  an  Image  clearly  formed  in  mind  may  be 
transferred  to  other  minds  by  direct  reflection. 
Through  this  action  the  other  mind  receives  the 
impression  and  begins  to  think  the  same  idea." 

Therefore,  the  learned  metaphysicist  con- 
117 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

eludes:  one  who  permits  the  imagining  faculty 
to  picture  a  dread  in  thought  form  immediately 
arouses  the  mental  activity  of  his  associates,  and 
"puts  into  operation  the  most  powerful  forces 
of  earthly  life  for  the  speedy  destruction  of  his 
own  hopes  and  desires.  So  worry,"  he  logically 
concludes,  and  we  may  now  agree,  "is  always  ill- 
advised." 

But  can  it  be  avoided  or  overcome?  Is  the 
disease  curable  without  divine  interposition? 
Undoubtedly,  if  the  theory  of  thought-trans 
ference  be  accepted  as  indeed  an  established 
scientific  fact;  because  surely  an  Image  tending 
upward  can  be  communicated  as  freely — if  not, 
in  fact,  with  greater  readiness,  because  of  the 
larger  receptivity  for  that  which  is  pleasing— 
as  an  Image  tending  downward.  Thus,  clearly, 
there  may  be  brought  into  action  for  success 
those  very  forces  which  worry  excites  for  ruin- 
forces  which  may  or  may  not  be  irresistible,  but 
certainly  are,  as  the  wise  doctor  observes,  the 
most  potent  of  earthly  life  and,  consequently,  all 
that  we  poor  humans  can  summon  to  our  aid, 
unless  we  adopt  the  effeminate  practice  of  those 
silly  persons  who  constantly  annoy  the  Almighty 
by  beseeching  Him  to  tide  them  over  their  petty 
difficuties.  Not  that  their  troubles  seem  slight 
to  them;  far  from  it;  invariably  they  are  more 
118 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

serious  than  any  others'  can  possibly  be;  but 
the  mere  certainty  that,  if  God  should  stamp 
them  out  directly,  instead  of  leaving  such  work, 
as  He  does  and  ought,  to  nature,  other  trials  of 
no  less  consequence  would  promptly  arise,  shows 
clearly  enough  that,  in  reality,  all  individual 
tribulation  is  trifling. 

Occasional  reflection  upon  this  great  truth 
will  do  much  to  drive  away  the  bad  fairy  and 
open  the  way  out  of  despondency;  but  better 
yet  is  constant  realization  that  one  can  do  for 
either  himself  or  others  only  that  which  lies 
within  him  to  perform,  and,  having  satisfied 
himself  on  that  score,  he  possesses  an  inalienable 
right  to  disregard  all  possible  consequences,  and 
need  give  them  no  more  consideration  than  a 
sagacious  person  accords  to  idle  speculation  as 
to  whether,  when  he  awakes,  he  will  find  himself 
in  heaven  or  in  hell.  Supplement  knowledge  of 
the  recognized  folly  of  regret  with  appreciation 
of  the  fact  that  worry  is  never  over  actual,  but 
always  over  imaginary,  ills,  and  is  therefore  as 
unnecessary  as  it  is  unwise  and  inefficient,  and  a 
long  step  will  be  taken  toward  the  definite  elim 
ination  of  the  chief  bane  of  mankind. 

For  ourselves,  too,  in  these  nerve-racking  days 
of  turmoil  and  strife,  we  find  distinct  advantage 
in  occasionally  emulating  the  example  of  a  great 
119 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Peacham  philosopher,  who,  when  asked  how  he 
maintained  his  exceptional  composure,  slowly 
and  sagely  replied,  "Sometimes  I  set  and  think, 
and  sometimes  I  just  set." 


Of  American  Manners 

OUR  manners  are  improving.  The  change  is 
not  marked,  but  is  taking  place,  nevertheless, 
in  that  gradual  fashion  which  is  best  because  it 
makes  for  permanence.  Time  was  in  this  hardy 
young  land  when  the  grace  of  the  Frenchman  in 
particular  evoked  a  contemptuous  sneer  as  be 
fitting  only  effeminate  eaters  of  frogs;  but  travel 
has  worn  away  much  of  this  prejudice,  and  no 
sight  is  more  common  in  Paris  nowadays  than 
that  of  American  visitors  beaming  sympathet 
ically,  yet  with  rare  attempt  at  emulation,  upon 
manifestations  of  courtesy  which  would  have 
seemed  to  their  fathers  absurd. 

We  shall  never  be  as  polite  as  the  Latins;  no 
Saxon  or  Teuton  may  hope  to  be,  nor  would  we 
if  we  could.  The  preservation  of  a  racial  charac 
teristic  is  far  preferable  to  what  can  never  be 
come  more  than  mere  imitation,  and  no  persons 
are  more  ridiculous  than  those  who  are  ever 
trying  to  show  better  manners  than  they  really 
possess.  Moreover,  true  courtesy  is  by  no  means 

120 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

altogether  in  the  seeming;  the  unspoken  word 
is  often  more  eloquent  than  the  most  eager  pro 
testations  of  respect  or  even  affection.  The 
traditional  boorishness  of  the  English  must  be 
admitted,  but  only  of  the  great  middle  class, 
which  constitutes  the  hardihood  of  the  nation; 
the  deference  of  those  comprising  the  lower 
strata  is,  in  fact,  offensive;  and  to  our  mind  the 
finest  manners  in  the  world  are  those  of  the  re 
fined  aristocracy.  Their  merit  lies  chiefly  in 
their  simplicity  and  appropriateness.  Our  an 
cestors  were  quite  justified  in  refusing  with  in 
dignation  to 

" .  .  .  let  the  candied  tongue  lick  absurd  pomp, 
And  crook  the  pregnant  hinges  of  the  knee" 

to  such  a  monarch  as  George  III.,  but  prob 
ably  there  never  lived  a  ruler,  even  in  our 
own  land,  to  whom  Americans  would  so  gladly 
have  rendered  personal  homage  as  Queen  Vic 
toria.  True,  in  so  doing,  they  might  have  erred, 
as  many  err  now,  we  are  told,  in  addressing  the 
king  as  "Your  Majesty"  instead  of  using  the 
simple  "Sir,"  as  once  they  should  have  said 
"Ma'am"  to  the  gracious  mother  of  her  people; 
but  such  exaggeration,  if  resting  upon  sincerity, 
cannot  be  held  to  be  offensive.  We  would  that 
those  and  similar  terms  were  employed  more 

9  121 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

punctiliously  by  us.  Gladly  would  we  part  with 
the  uncalled-for  and,  in  England,  long  since  dis 
carded  "Mister,"  among  men  of  like  age  and 
position,  if  we  might  substitute  "Sir"  for  it  as  a 
token  of  respect  for  age  and  achievement.  Pre 
cisely  where  the  line  of  demarcation  should  be 
drawn  it  is  difficult  to  say;  for  ourselves,  we 
make  it  a  practice  invariably  to  address  one  ap 
proximately  fifteen  years  older  than  ourselves  as 
"Sir,"  and  we  frankly  appreciate  a  like  courtesy 
from  those  correspondingly  younger.  Among 
women  we  greatly  prefer  "Madam"  to  the  Eng 
lish  "Ma'am,"  and,  of  course,  we  detest  "Lady" 
as  used  by  menials,  the  hissing  "Missus"  of  too- 
familiar  husbands,  nicknames,  and  all  terms 
whatsoever  of  petty  or  maudlin  endearment. 

But  it  is  not — at  this  time — our  purpose  to 
scold;  we  wish  only  to  note  the  gradual  removal 
of  a  just  cause  of  reproach  against  Americans  by 
older  peoples  and  to  encourage  a  gratifying  ten 
dency.  It  is  not  true,  as  declared  in  the  form  of 
mottoes  upon  the  walls  of  a  famous  boys'  school 
in  England,  that  "manners  make  the  man,"  but 
they  help;  and,  much  as  we  may  despise  them  as 
a  mere  outer  garment  and  superficial  soul-cover 
ing,  we  cannot  ignore  the  fact  that  they  are  still 
vital  conditions  of  social  intercourse  and  afford 
much  of  the  charm  without  which  existence 

122 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

would  be  unendurable.  Beautiful  manners  are 
as  captivating  as  a  beautiful  face  or  hand  or 
form,  and,  unlike  these,  may  be  acquired.  To 
be  born  and  bred  well  is  a  great  blessing,  but 
it  is  not  necessary  to  chide  Fortune,  as  Shake 
speare  did,  for  not  having  provided  better  for 
his  life 

"than  public  means  which  public  manners  breed." 

Suavity  and  gentleness  cost  only  a  little  self- 
restraint  and  a  little  thought  now  and  then,  and 
yet  they  not  only  occasion  much  pleasure  to 
others,  but  save  ourselves  much  of  the  tumult 
and  ugliness  and  embroilment  of  life.  Lucky,  in 
deed,  is  that  deservedly  popular  woman,  Ameri 
can  born  and  English  bred,  who  once  said  to 
us,  "I  am  always  polite  because  it  is  so  much 
trouble  to  be  rude."  After  all,  we  cannot  be 
very  much  better  than  our  manners,  any  more 
than  our  clothes  can  surpass  our  taste,  but  it 
may  be  that  goodness  can  be  developed  in  the 
inner  consciousness  by  outer  conditions.  At 
any  rate,  we  know  one  woman  who  smiles  con 
tinuously  because  she  firmly  believes  that,  if  she 
persistently  wears  the  expression  of  harmony, 
the  inner  mood  will  respond.  We  are  unable  to 
perceive  a  very  considerable  change  as  yet,  and 
we  must  admit  frankly  that  we  could  not  endure 
123 


WOMEN,   ETC. 

for  long  an  unyielding  smile ;  and  yet  we  have  no 
doubt  that  considerate  manners  would  in  time 
tend  to  the  development,  in  part,  of  the  inward 
gentleness  of  which  some  of  us  still  stand  some 
what  in  need. 


Of  Sleeping,  Dreaming,  and  Snoring 

CONSIDERING  the  fact  that  a  person  living  the 
allotted  period  passes  fully  twenty  years  in  bed, 
it  is  questionable  whether  sleep  engages  its  just 
proportion  of  the  attention  of  mankind.  At 
tempts  to  diagnose  sleep,  so  to  speak,  have  been 
singularly  futile.  Why  one  person  finds  it  easy 
to  drop  into  normal  unconsciousness  almost  at 
will,  while  another,  of  apparently  similar  phys 
ical  condition,  strives  in  vain  for  repose,  is  a 
problem  that  still  continues  to  baffle  scientific 
inquiry.  That  sleep  of  itself  is  a  boon  of  in 
estimable  value  we  all  know,  and  yet  the  precise 
duration  of  it  that  yields  the  greatest  benefit  has 
not  been  approximately  determined.  The  Duke 
of  Wellington's  famous  prescription  of  six  hours 
for  a  man,  seven  for  a  woman,  and  eight  for  a 
fool  has  been  formally  repudiated  by  the  British 
Association  for  the  Advancement  of  Science. 
A  series  of  experiments  upon  representatives  of 
the  three  classes  convinced  the  learned  men  that 
124 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

the  allowance  in  each  case  was  too  small.  Further 
than  this,  however,  they  conservatively  forbore 
to  commit  themselves.  They  would  not  even  go 
on  record  as  to  the  necessity  of  dividing  human 
kind  into  classes  at  all. 

Experience  seems  to  indicate  that  nature  de 
crees  a  longer  period  of  unconsciousness  for  the 
young  than  for  the  old,  but  it  is  by  no  means 
certain  that  the  successful  training  of  the  will  to 
induce  longer  periods  of  recuperative  repose 
would  not  prolong  life.  An  experiment  of  one 
of  the  British  professors  bears  directly  upon  this 
notion.  He  had  prepared  several  arithmetical 
problems  equally  difficult  of  solution.  Then  he 
arranged  to  be  awakened  after  having  slept  half 
an  hour  at  one  time,  an  hour  at  another,  and  so 
on.  He  found  as  a  result  that  his  mental  condi 
tion  was  quite  as  effective  in  application  to  math 
ematics  after  a  sleep  of  half  an  hour  as  it  was 
after  one  of  several  hours.  But  similar  experi 
ment,  designed  to  test  his  memory,  definitely 
established  the  fact  that  power  of  recollection 
grew  in  proportion  to  the  duration  of  mental  rest. 
It  may  be,  therefore,  that  the  pathetic  loss  of 
memory  by  old  people  is  due  to  too  little  sleep. 
If  so,  there  is  no  doubt  that  a  remedy  could  be 
obtained  through  the  exercise  of  will  power  in 
changing  the  habit.  The  familiar  theory  that 
I25 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

one  hour  of  sleep  before  midnight  is  more  bene 
ficial  than  twice  as  much  after  midnight  seems 
readily  confirmed  in  practice,  and  yet,  so  far  as 
we  are  informed,  nobody  has  taken  the  trouble 
to  carry  this  idea  to  its  logical  conclusion,  and 
regularly  retire  at  dusk  and  rise  before  dawn. 

There  certainly  is  good  reason  to  suspect  that 
our  entire  general  method  of  living,  so  far  as 
differentiation  of  waking  and  sleeping  hours  is 
concerned,  is  wrong,  but  it  does  not  seem  as  yet 
to  have  occurred  to  the  learned  men  to  make  the 
simple  experiments  requisite  to  the  acquirement 
of  exact  knowledge.  Any  one,  of  course,  can  do 
it  to  his  own  satisfaction,  but  the  individual  re 
sult  of  an  unscientific  test  would  be  far  from 
conclusive.  An  effort  by  one  of  our  own  societies 
to  determine  whether  there  may  not  be  in  this 
simple  revolution  of  hours  a  universal  panacea 
for  American  nerves,  would  seem  to  be  in  order. 
We  should  not,  of  course,  anticipate  any  im 
mediate  effect,  whatever  the  result  of  such  ex 
perimentation,  because  human  nature  is  ob 
stinate,  and  long  evenings  by  the  fireside  are 
notoriously  agreeable.  One  effect,  generally  con 
sidered  highly  desirable,  we  suspect  would  be 
certain.  Almost  surely  such  sleep  would  be 
less  dreamful,  and,  consequently,  according  to 
both  the  learned  men  and  experience,  more 
126 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

restful  physically  and  more  recuperative  men 
tally.  But  here  again  practice  would  encounter 
the  serious  obstacle  of  disinclination.  Dream 
ing  either  by  day  or  by  night  is  one  of  the  great 
est  of  luxuries.  It  is  not,  of  course,  a  physical 
necessity,  since  we  all  know  many  persons  who 
never  dream  at  all,  and  yet  continue  to  be  ex- 
asperatingly  healthful.  But  observation  teaches 
us  that  such  persons  invariably  are  most  unin 
teresting.  They  may  and  often  do  possess  in  a 
notable  degree  sweetness  of  disposition,  but  they 
are  so  devoid  of  imagination  as  to  be  out  of 
touch  with  the  fantasies  of  existence. 

We  should,  therefore,  strongly  encourage  the 
cultivation  of  the  habit  of  dreaming;  not,  how 
ever,  to  the  limit  of  demanding  expression 
through  snoring,  which  to  us  has  ever  seemed 
a  reprehensible  practice  and  a  just  cause  for 
divorce.  Excuse  upon  the  ground  of  unpre- 
ventability  is  absurd.  If  snoring  were  merely 
an  obnoxious  utterance  of  unconscious  emotions, 
it  might  be  wo  fully  endured,  but  in  fact  it  is  a 
purely  physical  manifestation  of  the  effect  of 
excessive  indulgence  in  food  and  drink,  or  of 
ignorance  of  good  form  in  recumbency.  We 
may  conclude  generally  that  "early  to  bed, 
early  to  rise,"  continues  to  produce  the  beneficial 
effects  accorded  by  tradition  to  the  habit,  and 
127 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

that  less  turning  of  night  into  day  would  add 
materially  to  the  sum  of  human  happiness. 


Day  Dreams  are  the  Better 

OF  the  two  we  prefer  dreams  by  day;  they  are 
under  surer  control  than  those  by  night,  are 
almost  invariably  more  agreeable,  yield  finally 
to  an  awakening  far  less  rude,  and  are,  in  con 
sequence,  infinitely  more  restful  and  beneficial. 
Not  that  even  in  the  profoundest  sleep,  when, 
according  to  the  scientists,  there  is  total  lapse  of 
mentation,  guidance  is  wholly  unattainable; 
both  theory  and  practice  testify  to  the  contrary, 
although  no  way  has  yet  been  found  of  tracing 
the  cause  from  the  effect.  Why,  for  example, 
does  speaking  in  a  low,  monotonous  tone  close  to 
the  ear  of  a  sleeper  induce  him  to  dream  of  ship 
wrecks,  drowning,  and  the  like  ?  Is  there  a  tone 
in  the  voice  analogous  to  and  sympathetic  with 
the  unceasing  moaning  of  the  waves  of  the  sea  ? 
or,  is  the  mere  general  relationship  existing  be 
tween  various  phases  of  melancholy  responsible  ? 
Science  as  yet  offers  no  solution  beyond  the 
curious  suggestion  that  practically  all  dreams 
are  attributable  to  the  effect  of  external  sounds 
upon  the  brain.  Pierre  Eyquem  attached  so 
much  importance  to  this  theory  that  he  made  a 
128 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

practical  application  of  it  in  the  development 
of  his  dull-witted  son's  genius.  For  an  hour 
each  morning  before  the  boy's  awakening,  he 
played  soft  music  in  the  adjoining  room.  What 
part  this  performed  in  the  making  of  that  mar 
vellous  mind  cannot,  of  course,  be  determined, 
but  there  seems  to  be  substantial  reason  for  the 
belief  that  some  effects  resulted,  even  though, 
assuredly,  the  tranquillity  one  would  naturally 
anticipate  was  not  one  of  them. 

The  creator  of  Peter  Ibbetson  tacitly  admitted 
the  predominant  effect  of  sound,  but  was  so 
thoroughly  convinced  of  the  efficacy  of  combined 
mental  and  physical  condition  that  he  set  down 
with  audacious  precision  a  primary  rule  to  this 
effect:  "You  must  always  sleep  on  your  back, 
with  your  arms  above  your  head,  your  hands 
clasped  under  it,  and  your  feet  crossed,  the  right 
one  over  the  left,  unless  you  are  left-handed; 
and  you  must  never  for  a  moment  cease  thinking 
of  where  you  want  to  be  in  your  dream  till  you 
are  asleep  and  get  there;  and  you  must  never 
forget  in  your  dream  where  and  what  you  are 
when  awake.  You  must  join  the  dream  on  to 
reality."  This  method  is  easy,  and  may  have 
served  well  the  Duchess  in  her  vividly  imagina 
tive  flights  through  prison  walls  and  miles  of 
space,  but  alas!  there  is  a  nervous  defect  in  the 
129 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

modern  temperament  which  renders  the  process 
worse  than  unavailing. 

We  return,  then,  to  the  initial  assertion  of  the 
superior  advantages  of  dreams  by  day  arising 
chiefly  from  the  greater  ease  with  which  they 
may  be  regulated.  And  surely  no  greater  boon 
has  been  conferred  upon  humankind.  Take  out 
of  life  those  blissful  drowsing  moments  when  the 
youthful  orator  has  foreseen  himself  holding  a 
multitude  in  the  hollow  of  his  hand,  moving  them 
to  laughter  or  tears  at  will,  or  even  by  the  sheer 
power  of  his  eloquence  compelling  a  jury  to  free 
the  confessed  murderer;  deprive  the  country 
girl,  trudging  her  way  to  school,  of  the  vision 
of  an  entire  court,  including  both  of  their  gra 
cious  majesties,  bowing  before  her  loveliness; 
bar  even  the  wretched  player  of  golf  from  con 
juring  before  the  eye  of  his  mind  a  perfect  game, 
stroke  by  stroke,  made  with  such  grace,  power, 
and  precision  as  to  be  regarded  by  a  thousand 
on-lookers  as  truly  marvellous;  rob  a  statesman 
of  his  mental  picture  of  countless  generations 
reverently  holding  his  memory  as  that  of  the 
greatest  of  the  great;  steal  from  the  composer 
the  anticipation  of  slipping  shyly  from  his  high 
chair  while  the  great  house  resounds  with  fitting 
applause  of  the  most  impelling  opera  ever  writ 
ten;  take  from  the  girl  in  the  choir  the  weekly 
130 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

vision  between  hymns  of  the  ultimate  triumph 
of  voice  and  beauty;  and  what  is  left  but  husks 
of  life?  To  actual  achievement,  and  to  even 
dreary  realism  their  due;  but  not  less  appropriate 
to  the  reverie  of  life  than  to  the  sleep  of  death 
is  the  exclamation  of  the  poet: 

"What  dreams  may  come!" 


On  the  Proper  Conduct  of  Funerals 

WE  would  not  deny  the  gravity  of  death;  it 
is  a  quite  serious  matter  even  to  those  of  us 
who,  while  conscious  of,  or  at  least  admitting, 
no  really  sinful  performances  in  the  past,  would 
nevertheless,  if  pressed,  confess  to  certain  minor 
indiscretions  which  we  would  be  only  too  willing 
to  join  with  the  Lord  in  forgetting.  Neverthe 
less,  if  form  or  ceremony  or  general  interest  be 
considered  the  criterion,  dying  is  one  of  the  most 
popular  things  one  can  do.  Nobody  goes  to  see 
a  man  born,  but  the  entire  community  turns  out 
to  see  him  buried.  Indeed,  it  is  well  known  that 
many  people,  perhaps  a  majority,  derive  actual 
enjoyment  from  beholding  with  their  own  eyes 
life  flicker  out  of  a  person's  body.  The  almost 
universal  satisfaction  found,  from  time  immemo 
rial,  in  witnessing  a  hanging  we  can  understand; 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

the  event  is  more  spectacular  and  less  expen 
sive  than  a  circus,  possesses  grisly  human  inter 
est  to  a  distinctive  degree,  is  presumably  grimly 
just,  and,  in  any  case,  is  unpreventable.  If  the 
hanging  is  to  take  place  anyway,  why  shouldn't 
we  see  it  ?  That  is  the  reasoning — and  it  seems 
good  enough  if  one  cares  for  that  variety  of  sport. 
But  we  could  never  understand  why  old  women 
should,  as  they  unquestionably  do,  love  to  at 
tend  funerals,  or  how  anybody  could  be  induced, 
except  as  a  matter  of  duty,  to  make  a  business 
or  profession  of  the  handling  of  corpses. 

We  have  often  wondered  how  it  would  seem 
to  be  an  undertaker.  Although  no  other  trade 
seems  quite  so  grewsome,  there  are  many  we 
can  imagine  more  distasteful.  Indeed,  the  really 
proficient  undertaker,  while  notoriously  consid 
erate  and  even  ostentatiously  patient  in  deal 
ing  with  those  whom  he  classifies  in  a  broad  pro 
fessional  way  as  "the  bereaved,"  nevertheless 
bears  himself  in  a  manner  singularly  proud,  and 
so  affords  the  most  nearly  perfect  example  to 
be  found  anywhere  of  an  harmonious  blending 
in  one  personality  of  haughtiness  and  humility. 
Physically,  he  conveys  the  impression  of  un- 
healthiness;  his  liver  in  particular  always  seems 
to  have  been  making  injudicious  secretions;  but 
this  is  a  condition  inseparable,  doubtless,  from 
132 


WOMEN,   ETC. 

the  nature  of  his  work.  What  can  be  reasonably 
expected  of  the  liver  of  a  man  whose  business 
it  is  to  maintain  constantly  a  mournful  mien? 
Exercise,  too,  is  beyond  the  pale  of  his  consid 
eration.  Who  ever  saw  an  undertaker  playing 
tennis  or  even  so  deadly  a  game  as  golf  ?  How 
could  one  given  to  such  practices  hope  to  retain 
the  custom  of  the  elite  ?  He  may  with  propriety, 
it  is  true,  attend  divine  service;  but  to  one  con 
stantly  engaged  in  semi-participation  in  similar 
rites,  the  relaxation  to  be  obtained  under  even 
the  most  shocking  ministrations  must  necessarily 
be  limited.  Indeed,  the  most  casual  observa 
tion  confirms  the  suspicion  of  the  futility  of  this 
method  of  securing  relief.  We  have  seen  under 
takers  in  church  many  times,  but  never  one 
awake;  their  very  familiarity  with  death  seems 
to  blunt  their  consciousness  of  the  presence  of 
souls  within  their  own  bodies  and  the  desirability 
of  arranging  to  have  them  saved.  Gradually 
they  come  to  regard  themselves  as  apart  from 
other  men  —  and  so,  perhaps,  they  are,  as  a 
sexton  is  or  a  hangman. 

Of  the  undertaker's  home  life  we  know  prac 
tically  nothing.  Does  he  preserve  the  official 
demeanor  through  meals,  and  at  other  times 
when  free  to  mingle  with  the  family?  Does  he 
romp  with  his  children?  Does  he  even  have 


WOMEN,   ETC. 

children?  Would  it  be  proper  for  an  under 
taker's  wife  to  fetch  such  obvious  distractions 
into  the  world?  And,  as  a  matter  of  fact,  did 
any  one  ever  hear  of  the  son  or  daughter  of  an 
undertaker?  That  progeny  is  not  uncommon 
to  executioners  we  know,  because  in  the  old 
days  the  business,  then  more  profitable  than  it  is 
now,  was  kept  in  the  family  through  many  gen 
erations.  Whether  a  like  thrifty  spirit  animates 
the  undertaking  clans  we  cannot  say,  but  if  so 
it  would  be  interesting  to  know  whether  a  male 
child  is  taught  to  subdue  his  emotions  from  the 
beginning  and  forced,  perchance,  to  wear  black 
mitts  in  the  cradle.  It  is  doleful  to  be  unable 
to  pass  on  to  interested  readers  authentic  data 
respecting  the  inner  life  of  the  undertaker,  but 
partial  compensation  is  found  in  the  revelation 
of  the  outward  aspects  of  his  existence  and  of  his 
attitude  toward  humanity  contained  in  a  sadly 
fascinating  book  now  lying  before  us,  written  by 
a  distinguished  member  of  the  craft,  decorously 
clad,  and  entitled  The  Funeral. 

It  is  a  suggestive  and  comprehensive  work, 
comprising  four  distinct  parts,  viz.:  (i)  The  Un 
dertaker;  (2)  The  Minister;  (3)  The  Bereaved; 
and  (4)  The  Friends. 

That  the  undertaker  should  be  accorded  first 
place  in  the  book  is  but  natural,  since  obviously 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

the  writer  regards  him  as  the  central  figure  and 
best  fitted  to  withstand  successfully  the  glaring 
rays  of  publicity.  But,  while  he  should  not 
shun  duty,  he  must  not  seek  business.  "Like 
a  modest  damsel,"  says  the  mentor,  "he  is  to 
wait  until  called.  Any  attempt  on  his  part  to 
bid  for  the  privilege  of  caring  for  a  body  is 
vulgarity."  Although  he  does  not  say  so  ex 
plicitly,  we  are  confident  that  our  instructor 
would  disapprove  of  manifestations  of  excep 
tional  interest  in  the  precise  condition  of  a  sick 
person  or  undue  promptitude  in  the  use  of  the 
telephone  upon  receipt  of  information  that  dis 
solution  had  taken  place.  Not  that  the  under 
taker  should  disregard  the  business  aspects  of 
his  calling.  No.  "He  should  make  money,  but 
he  should  make  it  decently;  he  should  advertise 
in  legitimate  ways,  but  to  contest  for  work  like 
cab-drivers  is  disgraceful;  let  the  work  seek  the 
undertaker,  not  the  undertaker  the  work."  The 
work  having  found  him  sitting,  like  a  modest 
damsel,  in  his  shop  door,  he  must  manifest 
"responsive  tenderness,"  whether  he  feels  it  or 
not,  "for  the  sake  of  policy" — i.  e.,  as  we  con 
strue  it,  in  order  to  insure  subsequent  orders 
from  related  sources.  For  the  same  reason  he 
should  give  personal  attention  to  the  singers, 
whose  comfort  is  so  often  neglected.  "In  the 
135 


WOMEN,   ETC. 

opinion  of  the  writer,  it  would  be  a  paying  in 
vestment  for  the  undertaker  to  furnish  free  of 
charge,  if  necessary,  a  carriage  for  the  accommo 
dation  of  the  singers;  it  would  add  greatly  to  the 
undertaker's  popularity  and  ultimately  to  his 
business." 

The  ideal  undertaker  is  progressive;  "the 
world  moves";  so  must  he.  "That  undertaker 
who  is  content  to  follow  antiquated  customs  and 
willing  to  abide  forever  in  old  ruts  is  no  credit, 
but  rather  a  disgrace,  to  his  profession."  And 
yet  he  must  not  be  unduly  insistent.  "If  the 
bereaved  are  positively  set  in  their  ideas,  it 
will  be  difficult  for  the  undertaker  to  effect  any 
change,  and  it  may  be  a  decided  mistake  to 
attempt  it.  Tact  must  decide."  How  true  this 
simple  dictum  seems  in  view  of  the  blunders  of 
which  we  are  all  cognizant — such,  for  example, 
as  the  inconsiderate  announcement  of  an  un 
dertaker  who,  having  relieved  the  distressed 
widow  by  promising  to  attend  to  the  wig  on  the 
head  of  the  deceased,  afterward  informed  her 
with  a  smirk  of  satisfaction  that  she  need  feel  no 
further  apprehension,  as  he  had  tacked  it  on. 
Even  though  the  operation  did  seem  necessary 
and  was,  of  course,  harmless,  how  tactless  such 
an  observation  at  such  a  time! 

The  Minister  is  regarded  by  our  author  as  an 
136 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

unsatisfactory  assistant.  True,  "a  successful 
minister  is  usually  a  very  busy  man  and  can 
not  be  expected  to  give  himself  in  a  spiritual 
way  to  funeral  reforms";  nevertheless,  he  should 
forego  the  use  of  "antiquated  methods"  and 
"by  practising  modern  and  correct  customs"  co 
operate  with  the  undertaker.  He  should  take 
care,  too,  that  his  remarks  be  appropriate.  Un 
der  no  circumstances  should  he  "attempt  to 
preach  a  departed  to  heaven  regardless  of  the 
life  he  had  lived";  even  "to  conduct  the  service 
of  a  notoriously  bad  person  and  ask  the  choir  to 
sing  'Safe  in  the  Arms  of  Jesus'  is  hardly  the 
proper  thing."  Briefly,  says  the  undertaker, 
people  should  not  be  led  to  believe  that  a  man 
can  live  like  a  devil  and  die  like  a  saint. 

Much  is  said,  and  well  said,  respecting  the 
arrangement  of  the  physical  details  of  the  cere 
mony;  thoughtfulness,  consideration,  tact  are 
heavily  drawn  upon,  although  it  is  doubtful 
whether  the  keenest  foresight  could  provide  for 
every  contingency.  There  was,  for  instance, 
the  sad  case  of  the  man  who,  having  buried  his 
wife  successfully,  complained  at  the  store  in  the 
evening  that  his  having  been  obliged  to  ride  to 
the  graveyard  with  his  mother-in-law  had  "spoilt 
the  whole  day"  for  him.  Fortunately,  such  un 
happy  incidents  are  so  rare  that  our  author  does 
137 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

not  perceive  the  necessity  of  considering  them. 
Each  general  situation  he  treats  comprehensive 
ly  and  with  delicacy ;  exceptions  he  leaves  to  the 
individual. 

The  Friends  are  dealt  with  somewhat  sum 
marily.  They  are  urged  to  exhibit  no  vulgar 
curiosity,  and  are  warned,  in  particular,  that, 
"if  engaged  by  the  bereaved  to  sit  up  with  the 
body  of  the  departed,  they  should  not  make  a 
picnic  of  the  occasion,  since  laughing  and  jok 
ing,  and  otherwise  offending  the  feelings  of  the 
bereaved,  is  exceedingly  bad  manners." 

So  the  helpful  little  book  ends.  One  more  deco 
rous  than  itself  or  more  completely  given  to  the 
cause  of  decorum  we  have  never  read.  In  but 
a  single  instance  is  there  the  slightest  departure 
from  the  prevailing  tone.  "If  a  person  is  never 
seen  in  a  church  on  ordinary  occasions,  he  should 
never  be  seen  there  on  a  funeral  occasion,  unless 
the  funeral  be  his  own,"  maybe  based  upon  sound 
judgment;  but  it  seems  somewhat  suggestive  of 
flippant  satire  hardly  becoming  the  treatment 
of  a  subject  shrouded  in  solemnity.  In  view  of 
the  fact,  however,  that  in  the  multiplicity  of 
directions  to  all  participants,  from  the  man  who 
tolls  the  bell  to  the  boys  who  hitch  up  the  teams, 
this  is  the  only  sign  of  a  hint,  respecting  seemly 
conduct,  to  the  departed,  the  slighting  nature 

138 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

of  the  allusion  may  well  be  regarded  as  pardon 
able.  With  all  other  conclusions  of  the  writer 
we  find  ourselves  in  complete  accord. 


A  Holiday  for  Capital 

HOLIDAYS  have  ceased  to  be  rare  even  in 
this  workaday  nation.  Although  still  far  be 
hind  England,  where  enforced  leisure  takes 
precedence  over  necessary  toil,  we  nevertheless 
have  to  our  credit  the  establishment  of  a  suf 
ficient  number  of  days  of  recreation  to  arouse 
restiveness  among  the  Puritanic  shades,  and 
scarcely  a  year  passes  without  having  added  one 
to  the  accumulation.  Of  the  distinctively  na 
tional  festal  days,  the  Fourth  of  July  continues 
to  maintain  its  own,  but  Thanksgiving  Day,  for 
some  unaccountable  reason,  has  ceased  to  be 
held  in  observance  outside  of  New  England, 
and  Fast  Day  has  become  a  mere  spectre  of  the 
past.  Instead,  we  have  universal  recognition 
of  Washington's  Birthday,  while  commemora 
tion  of  Lincoln's  Birthday  is  becoming  more  and 
more  general.  It  is  a  curiously  interesting  and 
perhaps  significant  fact  that  our  latest  holiday, 
Labor  Day,  has  already  won  a  place  in  the  first 
rank  of  general  recognition,  if  not  celebration. 
Theoretically,  if,  as  we  believe,  everybody  in 
i39 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

America  does  or  ought  to  work,  no  holiday 
merits  wider  observance.  Its  peculiar  signifi 
cance  lies  in  the  fact  that  Labor  Day  has  come 
to  be  regarded  as  a  time  of  special  recognition  of 
those  who  toil  with  their  hands.  Really,  there 
fore,  it  is  by  tacit  assent  a  class  holiday,  since 
every  one  acknowledges  that  manual  labor  is 
but  one  of  the  factors  of  progress  in  civilization. 
Having  in  mind  the  consideration  due  to  the 
weaker  partner  or  competitor,  as  the  case  may 
be,  might  it  not  be  well  to  set  aside  a  holiday 
for  down-trodden  capital?  This  would  afford 
the  capitalist  an  opportunity,  now  notable  by 
its  absence,  for  the  expression  of  his  views.  Just 
as  on  Labor  Day  the  radical  leader  makes  a  point 
in  his  public  utterance  of  emphasizing  his  con 
servatism,  so  on  Capital  Day  the  possessor  of 
vast  accumulations  might  dwell,  with  convinc 
ing  earnestness,  upon  his  innate  sympathy  with 
his  presumably  less  fortunate  brethren,  and  point 
the  way,  for  his  associates,  at  any  rate,  to  live 
better  and  broader  lives.  Under  present  con 
ditions  the  millionaire  is  at  a  disadvantage  as 
contrasted  with  the  spokesman  of  the  toilers. 
Politicians  either  disregard  him  entirely,  or  toler 
ate  him  only  in  secret  conference.  The  newspa 
pers  indicate  full  appreciation  of  the  fact  that 
he  is  but  as  one  to  a  hundred  among  readers,  and 
140 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

even  the  ministers  are  disposed  to  yield  to  the 
allurements  of  popularity  with  the  multitude. 
Instinctive  regard  for  fair  play  would  seem  to 
warrant  the  making  of  an  opportunity  for  a 
class  which,  though  numerically  weak,  is  finan 
cially  strong,  and,  after  all,  is  essential  to  the 
prosperity  and  happiness  of  the  community. 
Indeed,  in  seriousness,  we  are  convinced  that  the 
thought  of  extending  consideration  in  some  form 
to  capital  in  a  time  of  national  perturbation  need 
not  be  dismissed  as  necessarily  idle.  It  prob 
ably  is  quite  true  that  its  most  conspicuous  rep 
resentatives  who  have  suffered  serious  discom 
fort  during  the  past  few  years  have  received  no 
more  than  their  arrogance  and  intolerance  mer 
ited  ;  but  there  can  be  no  question  that  the  lesson 
has  gone  home,  and  developed  in  them  a  spirit  of 
reasonableness  and  an  earnest  desire  to  meet  their 
rightful  obligations  as  gratifying  as  it  is  novel. 

In  common  with  the  great  majority  of  our 
countrymen,  we  have  never  felt  and  do  not  now 
feel  any  moral  obligation  to  safeguard  the  in 
terests  of  the  very  rich.  They  have  proven 
themselves  quite  competent  in  the  past  to  pro 
tect  their  own  affairs,  and  there  is  no  manifest 
indication  that  their  cunning  has  departed.  But 
the  time  will  come,  if  indeed  it  has  not  already 
arrived,  when  all  American  interests  should  co- 
141 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

operate,  for  the  common  good,  at  least  when 
rivalry  with  other  countries  is  involved.  It  is 
right  and  necessary  to  correct  abuses  which  have 
ensued  inevitably  from  our  exceptionally  rapid 
material  development,  but  it  is  not  the  part  of 
wisdom  to  bestow  upon  foreigners  an  unde 
served  benefit  in  consequence.  The  declara 
tion,  for  example,  of  the  greatest,  most  success 
ful,  and  most  widely  known  of  our  corporations, 
to  the  effect  that  its  business  abroad  was  being 
seriously  injured  by  the  continuance  and  viru 
lence  of  newspaper  attacks  at  home,  seems  to  us 
worthy  of  the  serious  attention  of  rational  and 
patriotic  citizens.  The  foreign  trade  won  by 
our  supremely  capable  corporations  surely  in 
sures  in  no  small  degree  regular  employment  and 
wide-spread  benefits  to  our  own  citizens.  To 
deliberately  check  its  growth,  or  to  harass  its 
managers  unnecessarily  in  their  efforts  to  hold 
and  acquire  the  markets  of  the  world,  is  action 
so  foolish  as  to  be  almost  criminal.  The  biting 
off  of  one's  nose  for  the  mere  purpose  of  spiting 
one's  face  has  never  proven  advantageous.  More 
over,  however  we  may  deplore  those  wrongful 
methods  in  domestic  competition  now  in  process 
of  eradication,  there  is  no  reason  why  Americans 
at  home  should  not  rejoice,  as  the  English  people 
even  glory,  in  the  commercial  triumphs  of  their 
142 


WOMEN,   ETC. 

countrym  n  abroad.  For  ourselves,  somewhat 
timidly  yet  without  serious  apprehension,  inas 
much  as  we  lack  political  aspirations  and  have 
no  intention  of  seeking  pennies  in  great  numbers 
through  the  publication  of  a  lively  newspaper, 
we  have  only  God's  forgiveness  to  ask  for  saying 
that  we  are  frankly  proud  of  each  and  every 
great  American  corporation  which  has  distanced 
its  competitors  in  the  commercial  arena  of  the 
world.  We  do  not  believe  in  the  morals,  wisdom, 
or  efficiency  of  the  established  policy  of  our  older 
English  relatives  of  washing  all  of  their  linen  in 
private,  but  we  do  go  so  far  as  to  insist  upon  the 
fatuity  of  stretching  a  clothes-line  from  Liver 
pool  to  Hong-Kong  for  the  information  and 
delectation  of  our  common  rivals.  In  all  cases 
and  at  all  times,  if  this  Nation  is  to  endure,  right 
must  and  shall  prevail;  but  the  attendant  truth 
need  not  be  overlooked  that  undue,  flagrant  ex 
ploitation  of  wrong  for  the  gratification  and  ad 
vantage  of  competitors  is,  from  a  nationally 
commercial  viewpoint,  quite  as  harmful  as  fail 
ure  to  correct  the  evils  themselves. 


One  Disadvantage  of  Great  Riches 

ONE  pathetic  phase  attending  the  accumula 
tion  of  great  riches  is  the  necessity  of  dying. 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

A  millionaire  not  long  ago  deceased  never  used 
the  word  "death,"  and  always  resented  its  ut 
terance  in  his  presence.  We  know  another  man, 
quite  as  rich  in  worldly  goods,  who  suffers  from 
the  same  dislike  in  a  degree  even  more  intense. 
A  standing  order  maintains  in  his  household  that 
all  obituary  notices  be  clipped  from  newspapers 
before  they  reach  his  eye.  It  is  not  because  he 
is  fearful  of  consequences  in  the  hereafter,  for  he 
sincerely  believes  himself  to  be  a  good  man,  and 
if  his  name  were  given  the  consensus  of  opinion 
would  be  that  he  has  lived  a  better  life  than  the 
majority  of  human  beings.  Having  this  con 
viction,  and  being  satisfied  further  that  he  can 
rely  upon  the  justice  at  least  of  the  One  in  whose 
image  he  himself  was  created,  he  feels  no  appre 
hension  of  an  untoward  fate.  He  simply  cannot 
bear  the  thought  of  dying.  He  loves  to  live  to 
do  good.  It  may  be  that,  being  human,  he  en 
joys  the  distinction  of  his  exceptional  oppor 
tunities,  and  that,  like  Thomas  Jefferson,  he 
objects  to  going  even  to  heaven  as  one  of  a 
flock.  The  greatest  of  philosophers  pronounced 
the  building  of  a  church  or  chapel  by  a  rich  man 
an  act  of  cowardice.  Mark  Twain  calls  it  "  hedg 
ing."  But  this  man  is  not  a  coward;  nor  does 
he  feel  the  necessity  of  currying  favor  with  the 
Almighty.  It  simply  is  that  the  consciousness 
144 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

of  what  he  can  do  now  is  present  in  his  mind  in 
every  waking  moment,  and  the  apprehension 
that  he  may  be  less  efficient  in  the  Beyond  is 
what  troubles  him.  Probably  the  very  rich 
man  is  firmly  convinced  that  even  partial  ac 
complishment  here  and  now  is  preferable  to  a 
possibility  of  complete  resurrection  hereafter.  In 
business,  it  is  the  difference  between  certainty 
and  speculation.  Proverbially,  the  gambler  does 
not  fear  to  die.  Death  is  only  one  of  his  many 
hazards.  But  the  truly  good  man,  having  much 
to  lose,  not  only  in  worldly  possessions,  but  in 
opportunities  for  doing  good,  is  tormented  often 
to  the  limit  of  endurance  by  his  inability  to  pierce 
the  clouds.  Doubtless,  if  there  were  any  pros 
pect  of  success,  a  large  fund  could  be  raised  to 
promote  a  Society  of  Inquiry  that  could  discover 
what  Croesus  is  now  doing,  and  whether  or  not, 
or  in  what  way,  he  is  enjoying  himself.  Those 
who  have  less  to  lose  naturally  have  smaller 
cause  for  worriment.  So  on  the  whole  not  only 
the  merely  well-to-do,  but  the  very  poor,  may 
comfortably  assume  a  reasonable  equality  in  the 
distribution  of  happiness  during  earthly  exist 
ence.  As  to  the  immediate  value  of  material 
possessions,  probably  Disraeli  was  not  far  wrong 
wrhen  he  declared  that  the  most  contented 
man  is  he  who  is  known  to  have  an  income 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

of   five  thousand  pounds  and  who   really  has 
twice  as  much. 


As  Oar  Cousins  Behold  Us 

WE  have  never  manifested  excessive  enthu 
siasm  over  professions  of  friendliness  to  this 
country  by  our  English  relations;  to  our  ears 
such  protestations  have  sounded  hollow  and  in 
sincere,  and  they  have  been  made,  seemingly, 
only  at  times  when  America's  apparent  favor 
would  serve  Britain's  political  purposes  in  deal 
ing  with  other  Powers.  While  holding  firmly, 
however,  to  this  view  as  the  lesson  derived  from 
rather  close  inquiry,  we  have  given  unqualified 
admiration  to  the  excellence  of  the  pretence. 
Of  all  of  England's  important  public  journals, 
but  one  has  been  openly  antagonistic  to  this 
country  since  the  aristocracy  and  the  statesmen 
concluded  that  our  good-will  was  worth  catering 
for  and,  through  their  estimable  king,  made 
their  determination  known  to  the  publicists  of 
the  upper  middle  class.  True,  that  one  —  we 
refer  to  the  famous  Saturday  Review — has  not 
thriven  upon  its  policy  in  comparison  with  its 
contemporaries,  but  it  has  possessed  the  knowl 
edge  that  secretly  it  was  cherished  and  that  its 
opinions  were  shared  by  those  whose  favor  it 
146 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

most  ardently  desired,  and  with  that  it  has  been 
content. 

We  have  always  felt  that  this  shrewd  journal 
voiced  the  true  British  spirit — which  we  con 
sider  to  be  the  spirit  of  selfishness  and  envy — 
and  not  long  ago  signs  were  multiplying  daily  in 
apparent  confirmation  of  the  correctness  of  this 
opinion.  Our  cousins  seemed  to  think  that  we 
were  in  trouble,  politically,  socially,  commercial 
ly,  financially — as,  indeed,  we  were — and  that 
the  time  for  giving  vent  to  sentiments  hitherto 
restrained  was  consequently  propitious.  Hence 
an  avalanche  of  censorious  expressions  from  the 
great  daily  journals  of  London  and  the  resump 
tion  by  weekly  reviews  of  the  sneering  attitude 
formerly  affected.  An  aggravated,  though  in 
our  view  not  in  the  least  aggravating,  instance 
was  afforded  by  the  well-known  and  representa 
tive  literary  periodical  called  the  Academy,  which 
published,  over  the  signature  of  Mr.  Arthur 
Machen,  the  following  interesting  summary  of 
articles  apparently  published  previously: 

"  Readers  of  the  Academy  may  remember  my 
very  inadequate  attempt  to  depict  the  horrible 
body  of  death,  decay,  and  wickedness  which  is 
called  the  United  States  of  America.  Briefly,  I 
showed,  from  American  evidence  and  from  un 
challenged  reports,  that  (i)  the  whole  judicial 


WOMEN,   ETC. 

system  of  America  had  fallen  into  contempt;  (2) 
that  it  was  corrupt;  (3)  that  its  proceedings  [in 
a  certain  murder  trial]  were  in  the  highest  degree 
degraded,  offensive,  and  abominable;  (4)  that  its 
ordinary  police  methods  were  beneath  the  standard 
of  Hottentots;  (5)  that  in  Chicago,  for  example, 
the  magistrates  and  the  police  were  brigands  and 
thieves  in  league  with  thieves;  (6)  that  when  a 
poor  man,  without  money  to  bribe  the  loathsome 
press  and  the  more  loathsome  judge,  was  executed, 
he  was  killed  with  hideous  and  revolting  tortures; 
(7)  that  the  deficiencies  of  American  'justice'  were 
supplied  by  the  kerosene-can  of  the  obscene  Judge 
Lynch;  (8)  that  a  peculiarly  savage  and  abominable 
form  of  slavery  was  actually  engineered  by  legal 
officers;  (9)  that  all  the  municipalities  of  America 
are  corrupt,  and  (10)  frequently  depend  on  en 
forced  bribes  from  brothels;  (n)  that  children  are 
held  to  industrial  slavery;  (12)  that  the  condition 
of  the  poor  is  unspeakably  wretched  and  far  worse 
than  in  any  other  country;  (13)  that  the  legislat 
ures  are  corrupt;  (14)  that  every  kind  of  noisome 
and  poisonous  adulteration  flourishes,  together  with 
(15)  a  host  of  peculiarly  squalid,  silly,  and  mis 
chievous  impostures  known  as  '  new  religions.' " 

There  is  no  call  for  extended  comment  upon 
these  somewhat  vehement  statements;  the  sep 
aration  of  those  which,  in  any  sense,  or  to  any 
degree,  are  warranted  from  those  that  are  not 
can  be  readily  made  by  the  most  casual  of  ob 
servers.  It  is  not  true,  of  course,  on  the  one 
hand,  that  our  courts  are  corrupt  or  have  fallen 
148 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

into  contempt,  while,  on  the  other,  it  is  a  fact 
deeply  regretted  that  the  proceedings  in  the 
trial  referred  to  were  indeed  most  distasteful. 
The  remaining  points  in  the  indictment  are 
matters  partly  of  opinion  and  partly  of  fact; 
for  some,  we  sadly  admit,  there  is  too  much 
justification;  for  others,  none  whatever.  The 
reference  to  "new  religions"  we  do  not  under 
stand;  the  only  new  religion,  so  called,  that  has 
come  under  our  notice  in  recent  years  is  that 
promulgated  in  England  by  an  English  preacher ; 
and,  so  far  from  its  being  squalid  or  silly,  we 
found  much  in  it  that  was  appealing  and  likely 
to  prove  helpful. 

But  it  is  provocative  of  ill-nature  and  un- 
kindliness  to  discuss  assertions  that  seem  un 
warrantably  severe,  and  we  have  no  intention 
of  doing  so;  our  sole  purpose  is  to  present  an 
indication  of  what  we  have  long  considered  to 
be  the  real  attitude  of  the  Briton  of  high  class 
toward  Americans  of  whatever  walk  in  life.  We 
do  not  resent  it;  indeed,  strictures  that  are  de 
served  may  well  be  brought  to  our  attention  for 
our  own  good,  and  exaggeration  or  vindictive- 
ness  never  offers  adequate  cause  for  offence  to 
properly  balanced  minds.  The  only  point  we 
would  make  relates  to  our  own  attitude  toward 
other  peoples.  Let  it  be  not  influenced  by  hypo- 
149 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

critical  professions  or  sentimental  racial  appeals 
in  one  direction,  or  by  futile  and  unworthy  re 
sentment  in  another;  let  it  be  the  same  to  all 
men  and  to  all  nations,  forbearing,  generous, 
modest  as  befits  youth,  yet  properly  insistent 
upon  recognition  of  real  worth,  and,  most  im 
portant  of  all,  as  free  from  entanglements  of 
whatever  nature  as  the  fathers,  if  living,  could 
wish  the  great  Republic  to  remain. 


Of  Yankees  and  "  Yankee  Doodle  » 

REFERRING  to  certain  sneering  and  intem 
perate  allusions  to  this  young  land  by  English 
publicists  as  indicative  of  the  true  British  atti 
tude  toward  us,  Mr.  Andrew  Lang  once  chided 
us  gently  for  assuming  that  such  diatribes  are 
really  representative,  and  made  fresh  declara 
tion  of  the  unselfish  friendliness  to  us  of  our 
older  cousins.  Such  assurances,  especially  from 
a  source  so  distinguished,  and  presumably  au 
thoritative,  find  ever  a  ready  welcome  among 
those  of  us  who  continue  to  regard  ourselves  as 
lovers  of  peace  and  concord;  and  it  was  with 
peculiar  satisfaction  that  we  prepared  to  accept 
these  in  particular  while  sojourning  temporarily 
within  his  Majesty's  dominions.  Imagine,  then, 
the  distress  of  mind  which  ensued,  almost  im- 
150 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

mediately,  upon  our  finding  that  on  that  garden 
spot  discovered  by  the  Spanish  Bermudez,  but 
appropriated  by  the  English  Somers,  American 
boys  are  prevented  from  attending  schools  by 
English  lads  who  congregate  in  great  numbers 
for  the  deliberate  purpose  of  hazing  them.  Grant 
ing  readily  the  essential  brutality  of  youthful 
exuberance  the  world  over,  and  conceding,  of 
course,  the  non-participation  and  even  perhaps 
the  disapproval  of  their  elders,  the  dominance  of 
resentful  prejudice  in  the  breasts  of  these  young 
Britons  of  the  better  class  against  their  American 
relatives  can  only  be  held  to  mean  that  the  dis 
appearance  of  the  traditional  distrust  and  dis 
like  which  grew  out  of  the  Revolution  is  not  yet 
complete.  Whether,  if  the  cases  were  reversed, 
American  school-boys  would  behave  with  like 
discourtesy  we  would  not  venture  to  assert;  if 
common  reports  of  actual  experiences  be  correct, 
probably  not;  but  positive  protestation  would 
ill  become  one  in  whose  eyes  the  red  coat  is  still 
nearly,  if  not  quite,  as  hateful  as  it  was  in  those 
of  the  embattled  farmers  at  Lexington.  Such 
we  imagine  the  effect  to  be,  as  English  writers 
bitterly  complain,  of  the  accounts  of  the  struggle 
against  oppression  formerly  given  in  our  primary 
school-books  and  reiterated  with  emphasis  by 
teachers  at  the  multitude  of  rural  "four  corners" 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

throughout  the  length  and  breadth  of  the  land. 
For  the  gradual  but,  as  we  are  informed,  certain 
elimination  of  these  resentful  teachings  from  the 
school-books  of  to-day  we  should,  of  course,  be 
duly  grateful — and  probably  are. 

There  is  delightful  irony  in  the  fact  that  the 
most  derisive  term  applied  by  an  English  lad  to 
an  American  boy  is  "Yankee."  True,  since  our 
own  Civil  War,  during  which  social  amenities 
prevailed  to  a  limited  degree  between  "Yanks," 
on  the  one  side,  and  "Rebs,"  on  the  other,  the 
word  has  taken  on  a  new  colloquial  meaning;  but, 
as  originally  used,  it  actually  stood  for  "Eng 
lish,"  having  been  coined  by  the  Indians,  whose 
guttural  limitations  restricted  their  pronuncia 
tion  of  "English"  to  "Yengees,"  then  "Yan- 
gees,"  from  which  "Yankees"  easily  followed. 
Even  though  Thierry's  theory  be  accepted,  that 
"Yankee"  is  a  corruption  of  "  Jankin,"  a  diminu 
tive  of  John,  applied  by  the  Dutch  of  New  York 
to  the  residents  of  New  England,  the  reference 
was,  of  course,  to  Britons,  and  therefore,  from 
their  viewpoint,  necessarily  complimentary — • 
as  "John  Bull"  is,  or  even  "Tommy  Atkins." 
Moreover,  as  early  as  1713,  it  was  held  to  denote 
great  excellence,  being  used  at  that  time  by  the 
Cambridge  farmers  at  their  auction  sales  of ' '  Yan 
kee  good  horses,"  "Yankee  cider,"  and  the  like. 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Possibly  that  exasperating  tune,  "Yankee 
Doodle,"  had  something  to  do  with  the  discover 
ing  of  the  term  "Yankee"  by  the  English;  and, 
if  so,  one  could  hardly  blame  them  for  harboring 
a  prejudice  against  the  Yankee  nation,  although 
even  at  that,  if  we  admit  their  own  pretensions, 
they  had  only  their  own  stupid  selves  to  blame. 
It  has  ever  been  the  wont  of  the  British  upper 
classes  to  speak  opprobriously  of  their  stronger 
antagonists  and  sometimes,  if  we  may  be  so  bold, 
of  their  betters. 

When  Charles  I.  ascended  the  throne  a  ditty 
familiar  in  the  nurseries  of  high  society  was 
"Lucy  Locket,"  afterward  known  in  New  Eng 
land  as  "Lydia  Fisher's  Jig,"  and  running  like 
this: 

"Lucy  Locket  lost  her  pocket, 

Lydia  Fisher  found  it; 
Not  a  bit  of  money  in  it, 
Only  binding  round  it." 

A  smart  cavalier,  adapting  the  jingle  to  political 
conditions,  produced  the  following: 

"Nankey  Doodle  came  in  town, 

Riding  on  a  pony, 
With  a  feather  in  his  hat 
Upon  a  macaroni." 

A  "doodle,"  according  to  Murray,  was  a  simple- 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

ton,  "a  sorry,  trifling  fellow'';  a  "macaroni"  was 
a  knot  in  the  ribbon.  The  particular  Nankey 
characterized  thus  derisively  in  this  case  was 
Oliver  Cromwell.  The  next  adaptation  appeared 
in  1766  in  connection  with  a  caricature  ridicul 
ing  William  Pitt  for  espousing  America's  cause, 
and  incidentally  sniffing  at  the  French  and  Vir 
ginia  negroes  thus: 

"Stamp  Act!  le  diable!  dat  is  de  job,  sir: 
Dat  is  de  Stiltman's  nob,  sir, 
To  be  America's  nabob,  sir, 
Doodle,  noodle,  do." 

It  was  but  natural  that  shafts  of  the  wit  of 
the  period  should  be  aimed  at  the  uncouth 
American  soldiers ;  and  there  was  much  hilarity  in 
the  British  camp  in  Boston  when  an  officer-poet 
recited  the  "ines  which  became  the  real  "Yankee 
Doodle,"  beg  nning  with  the  familiar  verse: 

"Father  and  I  went  down  to  camp, 

Along  with  Captain  Goodwin, 

Where  we  see  the  men  and  boys 

As  thick  as  hasty-puddin' " — 

and  continuing  with  the  well-worn  references  to 
"Captain  Washington,"  "My  Jemima,"  et  a/., 
after  the  well-known  fashion  designed  to  "take 
off"  the  provincials  thus: 
154 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

"There  was  Captain  Washington 

Upon  a  slapping  stallion, 
A-giving  orders  to  his  men: 
I  guess  there  was  a  million. 

"And  then  the  feathers  on  his  hat, 

They  looked  so  tarnal  finea, 
I  wanted  pockily  to  get, 
To  give  to  my  Jemima. 

"And  then  they  had  a  swampin'  gun, 

As  large  as  log  of  maple, 
On  a  deuced  little  cart — 
A  load  for  father's  cattle. 


"And  every  time  they  fired  it  off 

It  took  a  horn  of  powder; 
It  made  a  noise  like  father's  gun, 
Only  a  nation  louder. 

"  I  went  as  near  to  it  myself 

As  Jacob's  underpinning 
And  father  went  as  near  agin — 
I  thought  the  deuce  was  in  him. 

"Cousin  Simon  grew  so  bold, 

I  thought  he  would  have  cocked  it; 
It  scared  me  so,   I  shrinked  off, 
And  hung  by  father's  pocket. 

"And  Captain  Davis  had  a  gun, 

He  kind  a  clapped  his  hand  on't, 
And  stuck  a  crooked  stabbing-iron 
Upon  the  little  end  on't. 

155 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

"And  there  I  see  a  pumpkin-shell 

As  big  as  mother's  basin, 
And  every  time  they  touched  it  off 
They  scampered  like  the  nation. 

"And  there  I  see  a  little  keg, 

Its  heads  were  made  of  leather: 
They  knocked  upon't  with  little  sticks, 
To  call  the  folks  together. 

"And  then  they'd  fife  away  like  fun 

And  play  on  cornstalk  fiddles; 
And  some  had  ribbons  red  as  blood 
All  wound  about  their  middles. 

"  The  troopers,  too,  would  gallop  up 

And  fire  right  in  our  faces; 
It  scared  me  almost  half  to  death 
To  see  them  run  such  races. 

"Old  Uncle  Sam  come  then  to  change 

Some  pancakes  and  some  onions 
For  'lasses  cakes,  to  carry  home 
To  give  his  wife  and  young  ones. 

"I  see  another  snarl  of  men 

A  digging  graves,  they  told  me, 
So  tarnal  long,  so  tarnal  deep, 

They  'tended  they  should  hold  me. 

"It  scared  me  so,   I  hooked  it  off, 

Nor  slept,  as  I  remember, 
Nor  turned  about  till  I  got  home, 
Locked  up  in  mother's  chamber." 

156 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Some  years  before  a  British  army  surgeon 
stationed  at  Lake  George  had  composed  one  or 
two  sneering  verses  entitled  "  Yankee  Doodle," 
and  Ethan  Allen,  whose  liking  for  stirring  mel 
ody  was  stronger  than  his  taste  for  classical 
music,  promptly  appropriated  the  tune,  so  that 
the  fifers  and  drummers  at  Dorchester  were  fully 
prepared  when  they  received  a  copy  of  the  Boston 
composition,  and  the  shrill  tune  became,  prob 
ably  for  all  time,  our  favorite  national  marching 
air.  It  is  essentially  English,  as  we  have  pointed 
out,  but  only  in  our  judgment  as  adapted ;  in  any 
case,  rightly  or  wrongly,  we  prefer  to  accept 
Duyckinck's  declaration  that  it  was  taken  by 
the  predatory  British  from  an  old  Dutch  harvest- 
song  whose  refrain  ran: 


"Yanker  didee  doodle  down 

Didee  dudel  lawnter, 
Yankee  viver,   voover,  vown, 
Botermelk  und  Tawnter." 


The  British  officer-poet,  however,  is  entitled 
to  the  credit  of  having  made  the  first  use  of 
"Uncle  Sam"  on  record,  although  there  is  no 
indication  that  he  meant  it  to  refer  to  the  States 
then  united  only  for  defensive  purposes,  thus 
leaving  to  the  Albany  pork  inspector  the  high 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

honor  traditionally  accorded  him  for  sardonic 
humor  in  the  use  of  a  branding-iron. 

Disregarding  considerations  relating  to  the  or 
igin  of  the  appellation  or  traditions  enveloping 
it,  what  is  the  true  position  of  the  Yankee  of  the 
present  day?  Should  one,  so  called,  feel  abased 
or  exalted  ?  Has  he  cause  for  shame  or  reason  for 
pride  ?  Assuming  an  intermingling  of  vices  and 
virtues  in  the  typical  human,  which  in  his  case 
dominate?  Does  his  traditional  meanness  pale 
before  the  glint  of  his  stern  morality,  or  have 
both  been  so  modified  as  to  be  virtually  lost  in  a 
flabby  present?  Verily,  is  there  to-day  a  Yan 
kee  living,  as  Yankees  once  did  live,  with  malice 
toward  all  and  charity  for  none  whose  existence 
seems  to  be  unrighteous? 

This  is  a  fruitful  topic  peculiarly  inviting  to 
our  commercially  consanguineous  Jew  and  Scot; 
but,  for  the  present,  contrast  may  well  be  con 
fined  to  the  race  whose  physical  robustness  and 
dogged  determination  have  served  to  triumph 
over  the  presumably  superior  intellectual  attri 
butes  of  their  racial  rivals.  We  should  say, 
then,  that  in  common  estimation  the  Yankee  is 
keener,  shrewder,  less  dogmatic,  and  more  ca 
pable  of  sharp  practices  than  the  Briton.  In 
combat,  commercial  or  other,  the  two  are  about 
evenly  matched,  the  exceptional  quickness  of  the 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

one  nearly,  if  not  quite,  balancing  in  effective 
ness  the  developed  brutality  of  the  other.  True 
culture  sits  lightly  on  both.  In  minor  morals 
the  Englishman  excels;  in  major  probities  the 
Yankee  is  incomparable;  the  former  being  cer 
tain,  the  latter  undecided,  as  to  the  future  life. 
Neither  could  ever  be  agreeable  to  or  sympathetic 
with  the  other.  There  is,  therefore,  little  to 
choose  between  them  in  a  personal  way,  espe 
cially  if  one  be  indisposed  to  regard  his  fellow- 
humans  with  persistent  gravity;  but  as  to  the 
effect  of  the  national  characteristics  of  each  of 
the  races,  respectively,  upon  its  activities  and 
destined  purposes,  there  is  no  possibility  of  com 
parison.  Despite  the  splendid  personal  freedom 
which  he  has  achieved  and  of  which  he  justly 
though  too  frequently  boasts,  the  Englishman 
has  become  so  wholly  imbedded  in  the  feudal 
system  represented  by  a  landed  aristocracy  that 
he  is  a  worse  stifler  of  progress  than  a  Turk.  All 
in  England  to-day  is  paternal;  therefore,  socialis 
tic  and  absurdly  tentative  in  the  face  of  threaten 
ing  revolt  against  wrongs,  not  fancied,  but  real, 
because  mentally  stultifying  by  decree  of  those 
exercising  fatuous  authority. 

It  is  idle  to  deny  that  like  perils  confront  us  in 
America,  but  even  this  briefest  of  great  national 
existences  has  already  indicated  that  subversion 
159 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

of  a  political  ideal  based  upon  encouragement  of 
individual  enlightenment  and  achievement  is 
at  least  remote,  if  not  in  point  of  fact  impossible. 
The  self-reliant  Yankee  made  this  nation,  welded 
it  together  successfully,  and  thus  far,  in  every 
crisis,  even  to  financial  cataclysms,  has  not  only 
proved  equal  to,  but  dominated,  every  emer 
gency.  His  habitation  is  no  longer  New  Eng 
land,  but  the  entire  country,  as  events  have 
proven,  and  his  civic  creed  continues  to  be  faith 
in  the  supreme  ability  of  mankind,  educated  to 
think  and  act  individually,  to  solve  all  human 
problems. 

Thus  the  Briton!  thus  the  Yankee!  Between 
the  two,  diffidence  characteristic  of  a  young  and 
modest  segment  of  the  greatest  of  human  races 
prohibits  choosing. 


Long  Live  Elijah  Pogram! 

HOWEVER  exasperating  in  the  eyes  of  others 
we  Americans  have  been,  and  continue  to  be 
perhaps  in  some  respects,  none  will  gainsay  our 
exceptional  contribution  to  the  gayety  of  na 
tions.  If,  for  example,  we  had  never  cultivated 
the  habit  of  bragging,  how  serious  would  have 
been  the  deprivation  of  our  English  cousins!  It 
is  with  peculiar  gratification,  therefore,  that  we 
160 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

are  enabled  to  note  signs  of  a  revival  of  what  was 
beginning  to  seem  to  be  a  flagging  interest  in  our 
traditional  idiosyncrasies.  Somewhat  sadly,  yet 
not  without  avidity,  the  discerning  representa 
tive  in  this  country  of  the  National  Review  re 
corded  his  discovery  that  the  eagle,  so  far  from 
having  completely  lost  his  voice,  is  still  a  scream 
er.  He  found  his  evidence  in  a  political  utter 
ance  of  an  enthusiastic  statesman  of  the  Middle 
West,  who,  rising  to  the  full  requirements  of  ora 
tory  in  urging  the  necessity  of  electing  a  certain 
candidate  for  the  Congress,  delivered  himself  of 
this  eloquent  and  stirring  peroration: 

"The  glorious  American  people,  torch-bearers 
of  Liberty;  this  American  Republic,  hope  of  the 
world;  this  American  land,  so  nobly  placed,  so 
rich  in  all  that  ministers  to  human  use  and  hap 
piness;  that  people  will  not  be  corrupted  by  their 
prosperity,  because  their  prosperity  will  be  honest 
and  pure ;  that  Republic  will  not  decay,  because  its 
Government  will  be  kept  close  to  that  people; 
that  land  will  not  be  spoiled  and  rifled  by  crazed 
efforts  for  hasty  wealth,  but  made  richer  by  in 
telligent  industry  and  care.  Development,  not 
exploitation;  progress,  not  decadence;  while  even 
brighter  shines  the  light  of  the  true  freedom  that 
men  call  'equity  before  the  law,'  onward  and  up 
ward,  carried  by  the  American  millions  as  they 
press  forward  in  the  strength  and  joy  of  righteous 
living,  passing  by  the  gods  of  gold  and  leaving 
161 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

behind  them  the  false  worship  of  the  broken  idols 
of  the  market-place  —  a  market  cleansed,  set  in 
order,  and  regenerated.  So  shall  American  civil 
ization  be  made  immortal  and  American  institu 
tions  a  blessing  to  mankind!" 

To  English  ears,  wrote  our  solemn  critic,  this 
sounds  ridiculous.  "It  is  gasconade  so  absurd 
that  one  fails  to  understand  how  a  prominent 
public  man  should  be  guilty  of  anything  so 
childish,  but  the  newspapers  do  not  regard  it 
as  extraordinary,  and  I  am  sure  the  audience — 
and  I  speak  with  a  long  experience  of  American 
audiences  —  sat  there  spellbound,  drinking  in 
every  word,  thrilling  in  every  emotion,  believing 
all  that  they  heard,  and  glorying  in  the  thought 
that  they  were  the  chosen  people."  We  dare  say 
the  audience  chuckled ;  we  are  quite  sure  that  we 
should  have  done  so  if  we  had  been  there ;  and  why 
not?  Our  national  institutions  are  so  few  and 
our  Elijah  Po grams  have  become  so  rare,  since 
an  inconsiderate  Speaker  effectually  discouraged 
oratorical  exhibitions  in  the  House  of  Repre 
sentatives,  that  such  a  gush  of  pent-up  emotion 
is  more  than  welcome.  Back  go  our  memories 
to  the  happy  days  when  the  great  General  Choke 
was  accustomed  to  speak  to  the  visitor  from 
a  benighted  monarchy  such  fervid  words  as 
these: 

162 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

"You  air,  now,  sir,  a  denizen  of  the  most  power 
ful  and  highly  civilized  do-minion  that  has  ever 
graced  the  world;  a  do-minion,  sir,  where  man 
is  bound  to  man  in  one  vast  bond  of  equal  love 
and  truth.  May  you,  sir,  be  worthy  of  your 
a-dopted  country!" 

Surely  no  true  man  could  wish  to  expunge 
these  noble  sentiments  from  the  fair  pages  of 
our  glorious  history  or  fail  to  rejoice  in  their 
occasional  recrudescence.  As  we  have  already 
hinted,  what  cheer  could  we  bestow  upon  our 
ancestral  cousins  if  we  should  perfect  the  un 
happy  resemblance  now  partially  existing  ?  The 
oddity,  also  traditionally  characteristic,  lies  in 
the  inability  of  our  self-contained  relatives  to 
perceive  that  one  may  derive  genuine  amusement 
from  the  exuberance  of  one's  own  verbosity.  Un 
like  them,  we  have  not  yet  acquired  the  remark 
able  capacity  of  always  taking  ourselves  seriously. 

Let  us  seize  this  opportunity  to  be  frank  and 
disabuse  their  minds!  We  should  not  like  to 
have  the  admission  repeated  to  the  Latins  or, 
above  all,  the  Germans;  but  the  fact,  for  family 
consumption  only,  is  that  some  of  the  assertions 
of  our  present-day  Elijah  were  not  quite  true. 
We  are  a  "glorious  people,"  of  course,  and 
"torch-bearers  of  liberty"  and  the  "hope"  or 
prey  of  that  portion  of  other  communities  con- 
163 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

sidered  undesirable  at  home;  our  land,  too,  is, 
if  not  ''nobly,"  at  least  comfortably,  "placed" 
in  comparative  isolation  and  is  really  sufficiently 
fertile  for  all  immediate  necessities.  We  would 
not,  however,  insist  very  earnestly,  except  for 
purposes  of  oratory,  that  exploitation  has  yielded 
entirely  to  development,  and  we  have  at  times 
given  utterance  to  rather  strong  suspicions  that 
the  light  of  true  freedom  guaranteeing  all  men 
"equality  before  the  law"  is  blazing  somewhat 
less  brightly  than  it  might  burn  with  propriety 
and  usefulness.  Nor  are  we  absolutely  certain 
that  we  have  passed  all  of  the  gods  of  gold  or 
broken  the  last  of  the  idols  of  the  market-place, 
but  the  shattering  process  is  well  under  way,  and 
we  are  truly  looking  forward  to  a  renewed  ex 
perience  at  no  distant  day  of  the  "joy  of  right 
eous  living."  Meanwhile,  we  beseech  our  an 
cestral  relatives  to  be  patient  with  us;  we  are 
young  and  crude,  not  hardened  yet,  as  others  are, 
even  in  sin — and  we  do  love  to  hear  ourselves 
talk  because  thereby,  without  irritating  others 
unduly,  we  amuse  ourselves  at  our  own  cheerful 
expense. 

For  a  New  National  Hymn 

WILL  not  some  one  kindly  compose  a  new 
national  hymn?     We  should  dislike  to  lose  "The 
164 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Star-spangled  Banner"  chiefly  because  of  its 
patriotic  origin  on  board  an  American  frigate 
during  a  British  bombardment,  and  we  love  to 
recall  such  incidents  as  that  in  Castle  Garden, 
when  Daniel  Webster,  to  the  distress  of  his  wife 
and  the  delight  of  the  audience,  set  the  example 
of  rising,  which  has  since  become  common,  and, 
by  main  strength  and  with  mighty  voice,  joining 
in  the  chorus  with  Jenny  Lind.  But,  after  all, 
only  the  words  are  American,  the  atrocious 
music  being  that  of  "  Anacreon  in  Heaven,"  com 
posed  by  an  Englishman.  It  is  therefore  dis 
tinctively  national  only  in  part,  and  after  nearly 
a  century  of  trying  service  might  well  be  laid 
upon  the  shelf.  A  yet  more  efficient  reason  for 
seeking  a  substitute  is  found  in  the  fact  that 
the  American  people  have  been  trying  in  vain 
for  nearly  a  century  to  sing  it.  Despite  the 
general  cultivation  of  voices,  the  endeavor  of 
an  audience  to-day  to  respond  to  the  demand 
upon  their  patriotic  spirit  continues  to  be  as 
pathetic  as  it  has  ever  been  desperate.  Even 
our  loyal  navy  takes  "America"  in  place  of 
"The  Star-spangled  Banner"  at  evening  colors. 
From  time  to  time  it  is  suggested  that  this  sub 
stitution  be  generally  made,  but  here  again  ob 
jection  arises  from  the  fact  that  only  the  words 
of  "America,"  too,  are  American.  On  British 

165 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

ocean  steamships  a  prior  right  is  tacitly  accorded 
to  the  British,  and  "God  Save  the  King"  is  sung. 
While  we  persist  in  adherence  to  "The  Star- 
spangled  Banner,"  it  is  fitting  that  this  recogni 
tion  should  be  extended  to  our  British  cousins, 
although  as  a  matter  of  fact  their  claim  upon  the 
air  of  "America"  for  a  national  hymn  is  no 
stronger  than  ours  and  materially  weaker  than 
that  of  others.  It  was  composed  by  the  French 
man  Lully  in  the  seventeenth  century,  was 
adapted  to  the  house  of  Hanover  by  Handel,  and 
promptly  taken  over  by  Switzerland  for  "Rufst 
du,  mein  Vaterland,"  although  the  Hanoverians 
never  abandoned  it,  "Heil  dir  im  Siegerkranz," 
not  "Die  Wacht  am  Rhein,"  being  to  this  day 
the  national  hymn  of  Germany.  Consequently, 
the  eve-song  of  British,  Swiss,  German,  and 
American  soldiers  about  to  go  into  battle  would 
consist  of  the  same  music  and  a  jumble  of  words 
by  Carey,  Harries,  Rev.  Samuel  F.  Smith,  and 
whoever  wrote  the  Swiss  words.  For  double- 
quick  marching  "Yankee  Doodle"  continues  to 
be  satisfactory  and  "Hail,  Columbia"  is  not 
without  merit;  but  "America"  is  of  too  common 
use  among  the  nations  and  "The  Star-spangled 
Banner"  too  throat -rending;  so  again  we  ask, 
Will  not  some  one  kindly  present  us  with  a  new 
distinctively  American  national  hymn? 
166 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Of  Japanese  Humor 

THE  preternatural  solemnity  of  the  Japanese 
is  probably  responsible  for  the  original  impres 
sion  that  they  lack  that  quality  so  essential  to 
human  happiness  known  as  the  sense  of  humor, 
and  yet  such  acquaintanceship  as  we  have  made 
with  those  who  have  visited  us  has  surely  tended 
to  its  confirmation.  It  was  with  no  little  sur 
prise,  therefore,  that  we  learned  that  we  had 
been  misled,  and  that  the  Japanese  really  possess 
a  subtle  understanding  quite  as  keen  as  that  of 
the  fun-loving  folk  of  China.  The  discovery 
was  made  by  an  American  war  correspondent, 
who,  having  been  politely  deprived  of  the 
privilege  of  depicting  scenes  of  battle,  found 
food  for  reflection  in  the  study  of  charac 
ter. 

We  regret  the  necessity  of  saying  that  the 
illustrations  presented  by  the  discoverer  in  sub 
stantiation  of  his  assertion  were  far  from  con 
vincing.  For  example:  On  a  certain  day  the 
Japanese  adjutant  said  to  the  correspondents, 
"To-morrow  you  shall  go  to  the  war";  but  when 
the  morrow  came  the  honorable  promise  had 
been  politely  forgotten;  whereupon  the  impatient 
foreigners  appealed  to  the  Baron  General,  chief 
of  staff,  who  listened  with  the  customary  grave 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

courtesy,  and,  after  due  consideration,  instructed 
the  interpreter  to  reply  as  follows: 

"  His  Excellency  the  General  says  you  shall  have 
not  longer  cause  to  make  complaint.  You  make 
complainings  because  one  day  we  the  most  un 
worthy  Japanese  say  one  thing  and  the  next  day 
something  different.  It  shall  not  so  be.  Yester 
day  we  the  Japanese  say  you  the  honorable  cor 
respondents  should  '  go  to  the  war  to-morrow ' ; 
we  shall  not  say  different  to-day.  No,  to-day  his 
Excellency  say  he  wishes  in  name  of  honorable 
Government  to  repeat  same  thing,  '  To-morrow  you 
shall  go  to  the  war.' "  At  the  door  the  interpreter 
stopped  the  correspondents  and  gravely  added: 
"His  Excellency  the  Baron  General  say  honorable 
foreign  sirs  come  to-morrow  we  the  unworthy 
Japanese  tell  them  same  things.  Always  same 
thing  every  day, '  To-morrow  you  shall  go  to  war.' " 

The  bit  of  amusement  afforded  by  the  anec 
dote  is  appreciated,  but  the  writer  is  under  a 
serious  misapprehension  respecting  the  nature  of 
his  discovery.  This  was  not  humor;  it  was  not 
even  irony;  it  was  characteristic  deceit,  pure  and 
simple,  practised  with  avowed  hypocrisy.  The 
correspondents  had  come  a  long  distance  at  great 
expense  and  were  received  with  a  simulation  of 
excessive  courtesy,  only  in  the  end  to  meet  with 
an  insult  in  the  guise  of  a  joke.  In  this  country, 
where  the  sense  of  humor  is  not  only  developed, 
168 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

but  refined,  sarcasm  and  satire  long  ago  ceased 
to  be  regarded  with  favor;  even  wit  must  be 
harmless,  and  mere  smartness  in  evasion  of  a 
serious  pledge,  such  as  the  Baron  General's, 
would  be  considered  intolerable.  The  true  hu 
morist  is  patterned  after  the  real  lady,  who, 
we  are  informed,  always  remembers  others  and 
never  forgets  herself. 


Are  We  Unconsciously  Becoming  Socialistic? 

IT  was  the  custom  of  the  Puritans  to  instil 
into  the  minds  of  their  sons  the  theory  that 
striving  for  material  success  is  wholly  in  unison 
with  the  worship  of  God,  and  almost,  if  not  quite, 
as  praiseworthy  in  the  eyes,  not  only  of  their 
fellows,  but  of  their  Maker.  The  respective 
rewards,  almost  equally  desirable  in  their  es 
timation,  were  appreciation  of  achievement  in 
this  world  and  a  satisfactory  abiding-place  in  the 
world  to  come.  Particular  credit  was  supposed 
to  attach  to  the  prosperous  issue  of  the  endeavors 
of  those  born  with  few  advantages.  The  tradi 
tional  poor  boy  who  went  forth  and  conquered 
the  world  became  an  heroic  example  and  found 
his  way  into  the  songs  of  the  people,  down  to 
the  day  of  the  poet  Lowell,  who  portrayed  in 
delicate  verse  his  priceless  heritage.  Even  to 

is  169 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

the  past  generation  the  teaching  prevailed,  and 
came  to  be  regarded  as  possessing  a  quality  dis 
tinctively  American.  Some  who  call  themselves 
individualists  still  persist  in  advocacy  of  the 
familiar  doctrine;  but  generally  it  seems  to  have 
been  left  behind,  and  sometimes  we  wonder 
whether  as  a  people  we  are  not  becoming  un 
consciously  socialistic. 

Take,  as  an  illustration  of  the  present  ten 
dency,  the  case  of  one  of  our  very  rich  men  whose 
success  would  have  been  the  wonder  and  ad 
miration  of  the  past  generation.  He  left  home 
as  a  poor  boy  in  the  customary  manner,  wholly 
dependent  even  for  a  living  upon  his  personal 
exertions.  Good-fortune  did  not  come  quickly. 
He  remained  comparatively  indigent  for  many 
years;  but,  after  a  time,  inherited  mental  capac 
ity  and  developed  industry  and  perseverance 
wore  away  the  barriers,  and  step  by  step  he 
advanced,  until  to-day  he  is  the  active  director 
of  the  greatest  and  most  successful  business  in 
the  world.  Fifty  years  ago,  such  an  one  would 
have  been  honored,  his  opinions  heeded,  and  his 
favor  sought.  His  influence  would  have  been 
not  only  great  but  affirmative,  as  was,  for  ex 
ample,  Peter  Cooper's.  Now  it  is  restricted  to 
a  class  whose  chief  weakness  lies  in  its  financial 
strength,  and,  broadly  speaking,  it  is  wholly 
170 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

negative.  In  recent  years,  men  occupying  sim 
ilar  positions  have  refrained  from  expressing 
judgment  bearing  upon  the  conduct  of  public 
affairs  because  of  the  apparent  unwisdom  of  so 
doing;  and,  although  we  have  known  well  this 
particular  man  and  observed  his  conduct  some 
what  closely,  we  cannot  recall  a  single  utterance 
from  him  of  the  character  mentioned  since  he 
achieved  his  pre-eminence.  We  were  surprised, 
therefore,  to  note  a  departure  from  his  life-long 
custom,  when,  in  a  newspaper  interview,  he 
frankly  espoused  the  cause  of  a  certain  political 
candidate  upon  the  ground  that  the  opposing 
force  was  a  menace  to  the  business  interests  of 
the  country.  The  effect  was  quick  and  inevita 
ble.  Those  in  whose  favor  he  declared  sighed; 
those  of  whom  he  disapproved  exulted.  The 
former  discreetly  minimized,  the  latter  loudly 
magnified,  the  significance  of  the  utterance; 
and  we  have  no  doubt  that  the  consensus  of 
opinion  would  be  that  the  one  acted  wisely  and 
the  other  shrewdly.  And  yet  the  judgment 
possesses  great  value  and  the  personal  interests 
represented  thereby  are  quite  in  common  with 
those  of  the  people  as  a  whole. 

But  we  hear  some  one  say  that  we  have  not 
told  all,  that  there  must  be  other  reasons  why 
advice  from  such  a  source  will  not  be  heeded. 
171 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

This  very  successful  American  must  be  a  bad 
man  personally,  or  he  must  have  engaged  in 
wrongful  practices  in  building  up  his  business 
and  his  fortune.  We  know  of  but  few  men,  rich 
or  poor,  to  whose  careers  the  word  "saintly" 
would  apply  precisely,  but,  speaking  in  a  com 
parative  sense,  the  objection  has  no  force  in  this 
case.  This  man  is  not  a  bad  man.  On  the  con 
trary,  there  are  many  evidences  of  exceptional 
goodness.  Like  his  traditional  prototypes,  he 
has  endowed  his  native  town  with  a  lavish  hand 
and  is  known  to  be  an  unostentatious  yet  gen 
erous  contributor  to  scores,  even  hundreds,  of 
commendable  efforts  on  behalf  of  those  who  are 
less  fortunate.  The  crowning  manifestation  of 
his  fidelity  is  found  in  the  fact  that  his  friends, 
though  few  because  of  the  simplicity  of  his  life, 
are  invariably  loyal.  In  the  conduct  of  his 
business  he  has  done  only  those  things  which 
others  have  done  and  only  those  things  that  his 
honored  predecessors  in  the  earlier  period  of  our 
national  existence  did.  Undoubtedly,  in  deal 
ing  with  unscrupulous  men  he  has,  as  they  say, 
fought  the  devil  with  fire;  but,  in  all  the  torrent 
of  abuse  that  has  been  poured  upon  him,  there 
has  never  been  so  much  as  a  hint  of  disloyalty 
to  an  associate ;  the  basis  of  his  achievement  has 
been  extraordinary  sagacity.  These  facts  are 
172 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

well  known,  and  yet,  as  we  have  observed,  his 
public  influence  is  notoriously  negative. 

There  is  nothing  singular  in  this  American 
man's  case;  he  is  but  one  of  hundreds  in  like 
circumstances  confronted  by  the  same  condition. 
How  can  the  fact  be  accounted  for,  except  as  an 
indication  of  an  almost  revolutionary  change  in 
our  traditional  theory  of  commendable  existence  ? 
Can  it  be  possible  that  appreciation  of  individual 
achievement  and  acquisition  has  been  supplant 
ed  so  quickly  by  determination  to  enforce  a  dis 
tribution  of  the  results  of  the  endeavors  of  others  ? 
If  so,  surely  the  brink  of  Socialism  is  not  far 
distant,  and  the  subject  is  one  which  should  en 
gage  the  earnest  attention  of  serious  minds. 
Whether  the  plainly  discernible  tendency,  fo 
mented  by  demagogy  and  self-seeking,  prove 
to  be  temporary  or  lasting,  there  can  be  no 
doubt  that  we  are  face  to  face  with  a  condition 
such  as  confronted  Germany  twenty  years  ago, 
and  is  surely  making  headway  to-day  even  in 
conservative  England.  Unlike  the  Continental 
Empire,  we  have  no  autocracy  with  which  to 
combat  heresies;  but,  unless  the  fathers  and 
sons  of  the  Republic  even  to  the  present  genera 
tion  have  been  grievously  mistaken,  the  spirit 
of  patriotism  is  not  dead  and  cannot  be  killed. 
The  living  questions  are  whether  it  has  not  been 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

permitted  to  lie  dormant  too  long,  and  in  what 
way  it  can  be  aroused  to  the  necessity  of  recog 
nizing  and  solving,  with  wisdom  and  tolerance, 
the  immediate  problems  involved  in  the  guid 
ance  of  a  posterity  to  be  counted  by  hundreds 
of  millions. 


A  Droning  Voting  Socialist 

"WHY  I  am  a  Socialist"  is  an  ancient  title, 
under  which  many  men,  and  women,  too,  of 
diverse  minds  have  undertaken  to  enlighten  the 
world.  Reasons  "why,"  as  set  down,  have  been 
so  numerous  and  so  various  that  an  attempt  at 
recapitulation  would  be  futile,  but  we  think  we 
are  safe  in  assuming  that  the  basis  has  been  in 
variably  that  most  estimable  quality  commonly 
designated  as  "altruism."  But  we  have  de 
veloped  among  us  a  new  school  of  philosophy, 
whose  expounders  refuse  to  permit  their  un- 
wilted  intellects  to  be  shackled  by  tradition. 
It  is  without  appreciable  shock,  therefore,  that 
we  were  awakened  by  an  explication  whose  chief 
characteristic,  aside,  of  course,  from  its  hidden 
merit,  was  its  artless  novelty.  The  expositor  is 
one  of  the  youngest  of  our  teachers.  His  grand 
father  was  a  poor  printer,  who  built  up  a  great 
newspaper  in  the  metropolis  of  the  West,  and 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

died  happy  in  the  knowledge  that  he  had  be 
queathed  to  his  descendants  an  honored  name 
and  the  wherewithal  to  carry  forward  the  ad 
mirable  work  that  he  had  so  well  begun  in  the 
service  of  the  community.  That  the  accumula 
tion  painfully  acquired  by  him  for  the  purpose 
of  assuring  the  essential  independence  of  his 
public  journal  would  be  regarded  by  any  of  his 
natural  successors  as  a  personal  embarrassment 
doubtless  never  occurred  to  that  simple  mind. 
Yet  such  was  the  pitiable  case,  and  the  predica 
ment  in  which  the  grandson  found  himself  was 
clearly  set  forth  over  his  own  signature  in  an 
article  bearing  the  alluring  caption,  "  Confessions 
of  a  Drone." 

When  a  rich  and  free-spoken  young  man,  not 
known  to  be  irrevocably  averse  to  the  fasci 
nations  of  fame,  raises  aloft  a  banner  such  as 
that,  one  is  apt  to  sit  up  and  contemplate  with 
pleasurable  anticipation  the  possible  advent  of 
a  Rousseau  or,  at  least,  a  George  Moore.  But 
our  earnest  young  friend  really  had  little  to  con 
fess.  Speaking  "as  a  type,  not  as  myself  the 
individual,"  he  stated  that  he  had  an  income  of 
between  ten  and  twenty  thousand  dollars  a  year ; 
he  spent  all  of  it;  he  did  no  work;  he  produced 
nothing.  Once  upon  a  time  he  served  as  a  re 
porter  for  the  newspaper  created  by  his  grand- 
175 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

father  and  earned  fifteen  dollars  a  week.  For 
some  reason  not  given  this  occupation  develop 
ed  unsatisfactory  features,  and  so  he  became  a 
"type."  As  such  he  appeared  before  an  un 
enlightened  public  primarily  as  an  expositor  of 
the  principles  of  Socialism  and  incidentally  as 
a  horrible  example.  Altruism  found  no  abid 
ing-place  in  his  creed.  His  difficulty  lay  wholly 
in  dissatisfaction  because  he  was  not  obliged  to 
work  for  a  living,  and  because  others  receive 
more  than  they  earn.  Some  time  ago  there  was 
another  teacher,  often  spoken  of  as  a  Social 
ist,  whose  advice  was  sought  by  a  young  man  in 
very  much  the  same  position  as  our  melancholy 
drone.  The  mind  of  that  young  man,  too,  was 
troubled  and  he  sought  a  remedy.  The  answer 
is  found  in  Matthew  xix,  21:  "Go  and  sell  that 
thou  hast  and  give  to  the  poor."  It  is  a  simple 
solution,  and  one  quite  as  efficacious  to-day  as 
it  was  nineteen  hundred  years  ago.  Human 
nature  undergoes  little  change  from  the  wear  of 
time.  That  young  man  also  went  away  sorrow 
ful,  for  he  had  great  possessions,  and,  we  dare 
say,  he  too  became  a  type  and  continued  to  drip 
bitter  tears  upon  coupon-clipping  scissors. 

We  would  not  ask  so  much  of  our  ingenuous 
philosopher  as  was  required  of  his  predecessor. 
The  most  we  would  venture  to  suggest  to  him  is 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

that  he  unite  his  capital  and  energy,  cease  to  be 
a  type  and  do  something  worth  while.  He  owes 
that  much  at  least  to  the  memory  of  the  grand 
father  who  toiled  earnestly,  though  mistakenly, 
to  make  a  wider  opportunity  for  an  addle-pated 
descendant.  Our  droning  Socialist  need  feel  no 
apprehension  of  the  failure  of  such  a  union.  All 
the  requisites  are  at  his  command.  He  has 
money  for  use  and  a  craving  for  toil.  Brains  he 
can  buy  in  the  open  market. 


The  Value  of  a  Little  Knowledge 

WE  know  a  man  who  has  great  interest  in 
and  little  knowledge  of  things  scientific.  Fort 
unately  well-to-do  and  free  from  the  necessity 
of  constant  endeavor,  he  is  able  to  acquire  such 
information  respecting  modern  developments  as 
he  can  comprehend,  and  to  make  various  and 
devious  experiments  of  a  nature  which  would  be 
regarded  generally  as  impracticable  and  waste 
ful.  Such  an  one  could  not  but  be  greatly 
stirred  by  the  discovery  of  the  mysterious  force 
known  as  radio-activity.  Forthwith  he  sought 
and  obtained  all  existing  data,  few  though  they 
proved  to  be,  respecting  the  qualities  and  adapta 
bility  of  this  incomprehensible  energy.  For  a 
long  time  mystified  and  beginning  to  despair,  he 
177 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

was  greatly  cheered  by  the  news  from  Austria 
that  the  learned  scientists  of  the  Continent,  in 
conference  assembled,  had  discovered  that  the 
light  of  the  sun  was  radio-active,  and  that  water 
surfaces  exposed  to  the  sun's  rays  became 
charged  with  this  mysterious  force;  therefore, 
he  reasoned,  there  must  be  a  material  value  and 
peculiar  remedial  and  strengthening  qualities 
in  water  surfaces. 

How  to  demonstrate  his  theory  was  most  per 
plexing,  but  he  finally  hit  upon  a  plan.  Through 
his  woodland  and  meadows  ran  a  brook.  Pres 
ently  he  built  a  dam  at  such  a  point  as  to  create 
a  sheet  of  water  of  considerable  size,  upon  which 
the  sun's  rays  fell  as  constantly  as  the  perpetual 
whirling  of  the  earth  permitted.  Over  the  dam 
naturally  and  necessarily  there  dripped  a  steady 
stream  of  water  from  the  very  surface  which  he 
suspected  to  be  surcharged  with  radio-activity. 
It  happened  that,  being  an  American,  the  builder 
had  a  wife  who  had  many  nerves,  one  child  who 
had  what  is  often  referred  to  as  an  everlasting 
cold,  another  afflicted  with  weakness  of  the  spine, 
and  a  third  who  had  indulged  his  tastes  so  lavish 
ly  that  he  had  seriously  impaired  the  operation 
of  his  digestive  organs.  He  himself  suffered 
from  no  complaint  except  chronic  laziness,  but 
he  could  not  ignore  the  fact  that  even  this  minor 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

and  unreprehensible  trouble  had  been  noted  at 
intervals,  and,  indeed,  somewhat  freely  com 
mented  upon,  by  members  of  his  family  group, 
more  especially,  perhaps,  by  the  ubiquitous  and, 
of  course,  inestimable  sister-in-law.  The  ex 
cellent  purposes  which  he  had  conceived  as  a 
consequence  of  his  theory  he  carefully  refrained 
from  announcing.  When  the  dam  was  com 
pleted  and  all  was  in  readiness  for  the  actual  test, 
having  full  knowledge  of  the  inherent  curiosity 
of  human  and  especially  feminine  nature,  he 
arose  one  morning  an  hour  or  two  after  the 
sun  had  made  its  appearance  and  beaten  upon 
the  surface  waters  of  the  pond,  and  proceeded 
stealthily  to  a  platform  which  he  had  constructed 
furtively  beneath  the  dam.  There  he  revelled 
in  the  falling  water  with  great  glee,  knowing  full 
well  that  his  action  would  be  observed  and  surely 
imitated  by  those  constantly  tormented  by  the 
suspicion  that  he,  or  somebody  else,  might  ob 
tain  some  benefit  or  enjoyment  of  which  they 
were  balefully  deprived.  Cannily,  as  morning 
after  morning  he  repeated  the  operation,  he  smil 
ingly  but  firmly  resisted  all  attempts  to  draw 
from  him  information  respecting  the  effect  of 
his  experiment,  but  his  anticipations  were  in  due 
course  of  time  fully  realized.  One  by  one  the 
members  of  the  family  group  fell  under  the  spell ; 
179 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

and,  after  the  first  somewhat  terrifying  ex 
perience,  all  yielded  to  the  fascination  of  the 
buffeting  of  their  bodies  by  surface  waters  pre 
sumably  charged  with  radio-activity.  And, 
curiously  enough  it  came  to  pass  that  nerves 
passed  out  of  the  real  head  of  the  family,  leaving 
a  sweetness  of  disposition  notable  theretofore  by 
its  absence,  the  perpetual  cold  of  the  second  in 
authority  disappeared,  the  weak  spine  became 
strong  from  what  the  commonplace  family 
physician,  knowing  nothing  of  radio-activity, 
declared  to  be  water  massage,  and  the  collegian 
recovered  so  completely  from  his  indigestion 
that  he  was  enabled  to  resume  his  position  in  the 
crew.  Even  the  altogether  admirable  sister-in- 
law,  who  had  begun  to  view  with  apprehension 
the  multiplication  of  weighing-machines,  suc 
cumbed  to  the  hardening  process  of  radio-activ 
ity  bountifully  applied,  and  with  the  firm  deter 
mination  characteristic  of  American  ladies  thus 
disposed,  persisted  with  sufficient  success  to  jus 
tify  hope  in  an  effort  to  attain  slenderness. 

Thereupon  the  impracticable  theorist  rejoiced 
greatly  until,  to  his  horror,  he  awoke  to  the  fact 
that  his  own  tendency  to  indolence  was  slowly 
but  surely  being  dissipated.  Nevertheless,  he 
chuckles  gleefully  over  his  unbetrayed  discov 
ery  of  a  universal  cure,  and  never  misses  an 
1 80 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

opportunity  to  make  a  test  upon  an  unsuspect 
ing  ailing  friend.  He  declares  upon  his  honor 
that  his  experiment  has  proved  successful  in 
every  instance.  And,  oddly  enough,  he  is,  al 
though  impracticable,  a  truthful  man. 


Existence  in  a  Great  City 

WE  wonder  if  the  people  throughout  the  coun 
try  are  as  glum  as  those  who  have  their  being 
in  the  great  city  where  it  is  our  misfortune  to  live. 
Here  everybody — rich  man,  poor  man,  beggar- 
man — appears  depressed.  The  thief  alone,  ac 
cording  to  the  newspapers,  is  blithe  and  gay; 
all  others  abide  in  an  atmosphere,  if  not  of 
gloom,  at  least  of  meditation,  tinctured  with 
discontent. 

Everybody  is  cross — the  merchant,  because 
he  is  obliged  to  transact  more  business  upon  a 
closer  margin  of  profit ;  the  banker,  because  high 
rates  for  money  do  not  counterbalance  a  sense 
of  instability;  the  broker,  because  only  the  elect 
make  gains  in  a  declining  market;  the  manu 
facturer,  because  the  greater  cost  of  materials 
and  higher  wages  exceed  the  enhanced  value  of 
his  finished  product;  the  minister,  beca.use  his 
flock  is  sinful  and  indifferent  to  the  needs  of  his 
family;  the  directors  of  great  industries,  because 
181 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

further  expansion  is  stopped  by  capital's  fright 
at  official  activities;  women,  because  landlord, 
grocer,  and  butcher  absorb  the  increase  in  income, 
and  more,  leaving  less  than  ever  for  plumage 
and  fine  raiment,  and  so  it  goes  throughout  the 
list. 

Statistics  seem  to  demonstrate  that  we  are 
prosperous,  but  personal  observation  contradicts 
the  conclusion.  Worthy  charities  never  required 
so  much;  yesterday  we  were  accosted  by  three 
beggars  on  a  single  block;  this  morning  come 
urgent  appeals  to  save  two  families  from  being 
turned  into  the  street ;  willingness  to  work  appar 
ently  exceeds  the  opportunity. 

Everybody  is  ill  in  body  or  mind,  but  chiefly 
in  the  throat ;  the  streets  are  filthy ;  the  air  laden 
with  germs  of  disease ;  none  opens  his  mouth  but 
to  cough  or  sneeze  or  utter  profane  language ;  the 
hand  of  the  dentist  trembles  and  lacerates  the 
nerves ;  the  physician  cannot  heal  himself ;  there 
is  no  health  in  us. 

The  newspapers  scold  and  scold  and  scold. 
There  is  no  fun  any  more— no  ray  of  relief  from 
the  incessant  clamor  of  real  or  fancied  wrongs, 
no  sign  of  joyousness. 

We  wish  the  snow  and  slush  would  go  away, 
and  the  robins  would  hasten  their  coming;  we 
want  to  hear  somebody  laugh. 
182 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

The  Conquest  of  the  Air 

IT  is  eminently  fitting  that  the  conquest  of 
the  air,  which  now  seems  assured,  should  crown 
the  achievements  of  this  creative  age.  None, 
if  indeed  all  combined,  of  the  wonderful  inven 
tions  of  the  past  century  has  wrought  so  many 
and  so  radical  changes  in  the  conditions  of 
physical  existence  or  is  laden  with  such  a  variety 
of  possibilities  as  this  final  mastery  of  the  at 
mosphere.  Long  before  the  days  of  Darius 
Green  there  had  appeared  at  intervals  signs  of 
success,  only,  however,  to  share  the  fate  of  the 
famous  flying-machine  itself ;  but  now  evidences 
of  the  solution  of  the  physical  problem  that  has 
most  puzzled  man  from  the  beginning  are  con 
vincing. 

Accepting,  as  we  must,  the  navigation  of  the 
air  as  a  question  only  of  time,  what  will  happen 
when  it  becomes  an  accomplished  fact?  That 
the  new  system  will  possess  some  advantages 
over  all  existing  means  of  transportation  is 
obvious,  having  what  might  be  termed  plain 
sailing  at  times,  and  always  immunity  from  the 
burdensome  cost  of  road-beds,  bridges,  and  the 
like.  In  the  matter  of  speed,  too,  it  is  well 
known  that  certain  birds  fly  twice  as  rapidly  as 
the  fastest  express  train;  why  not  the  aeroplane, 

183 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

built  upon  the  same  principle?  In  respect  to 
competition  with  other  methods  of  transporta 
tion,  however,  we  opine  that  owners  of  securities 
of  existing  transportation  companies  need  feel 
no  apprehension.  The  street-car  did  not  suc 
cumb  to  the  elevated,  the  elevated  to  the  sub 
way,  the  horse  to  the  motor,  the  telegraph  to 
the  telephone,  nor  the  cable  to  the  wireless. 
This  growing  world  seems  to  require  all  facilities 
as  rapidly  as  they  can  be  supplied  by  the  genius 
of  man,  and  each  addition,  apparently,  seems 
only  to  aid,  rather  than  to  cripple,  the  others, 
in  consonance  with  the  familiar  saying  of  railway 
men  that  travel  makes  travel — that  is,  individual 
examples  form  a  communal  habit. 

But  what  of  regulations  making  for  safety  not 
only  of  passengers  in  the  air,  but  of  those  over 
whose  heads  the  air-ship  must  sail?  In  view 
of  the  difficulty  experienced  in  the  restraint  of 
motor-cars  on  land,  where  at  least  they  can  be 
numbered,  located,  and  stopped,  the  employment 
of  winged  angels  or  demons  as  policemen  would 
seem  likely  to  be  requisite  to  the  maintenance  of 
speed  regulations  in  the  sky  and  to  the  protection 
of  the  heads  of  people  on  the  planet.  Whether 
any  considerable  number  of  persons,  any  num 
ber,  at  least,  of  sufficient  size  to  give  commercial 
value  to  aero-transportation,  will  ever  utilize  the 
184 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

method,  is  doubtful.  It  seems  unnatural;  ap 
parently  man  was  built  to  stand  upon  the  ground. 
Strife  against  the  force  of  gravity,  therefore,  may 
be  regarded  as  contrary  to  the  intention  of  the 
creating  power;  a  fact  which  may  account  for  the 
intense  dislike  and  even  fear  of  the  majority 
of  men  and  women  on  looking  down  from  a  great 
height.  For  this  reason  alone  it  is  certain  that 
the  percentage  of  inhabitants  of  the  earth  who 
would  now  hazard  a  trip  through  the  air  is  in- 
finitesimally  small.  And  yet  a  similar  prejudice 
once  prevailed  against  sailing  on  the  seas;  and 
those  who  climb  steeples  and  work  on  high 
buildings  seem  to  have  demonstrated  that  even 
the  distressing  dizziness  experienced  by  most  of 
us  yields  readily  to  the  potent  influence  of  famil 
iarity;  so  we  really  can  tell  very  little  about 
it,  and,  despite  the  example  of  the  rapidity 
of  the  development,  once  begun,  of  steam  and 
electricity,  we  question  whether  in  many  gen 
erations  there  will  be  reason  for  serious  con 
cern. 

Nations  are  more  immediately  concerned  than 
individuals.  Visionary  may  have  seemed  — 
and,  perhaps,  may  still  seem  —  the  anticipa 
tions  of  the  poet,  when,  peering  into  the  fu 
ture  far  as  human  eye  could  see,  in  imagina 
tion  he 

13  185 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Saw  the  heavens  fill  with  commerce,  argosies  of 

magic  sails, 
Pilots  of  the  purple  twilight,  dropping  down  with 

costly  bales; 
Heard  the  heavens  fill  with  shouting,  and  there 

rained  a  ghastly  dew 
From  the  nations'  airy  navies  grappling  in  the 

central  blue." 


But  even  now,  in  war,  dirigible  balloons  are  em 
ployed.  True,  the  air  battle-ship  is  not  readily 
imagined;  and  yet — apart  from  possible  en 
gagements  of  aerial  fleets — a  very  small  naviga 
ble  aeroplane  could  take  aloft  a  sufficient  amount 
of  highly  explosive  material  to  demolish  a  small 
city  like  New  York  or  London.  Fortunately, 
however,  British  writers  have  already  settled  in 
their  minds  that  a  Berne  Convention  will  precede 
the  fighting  air-ship  and  limit  the  scope  of  its 
work,  but  in  just  what  manner  the  heavens  will 
be  patrolled  for  the  capture  of  pirates  has  not 
yet  been  made  clear.  Perhaps  the  necessity 
will  not  arise. 


Modern  Educational  Methods 

THE  cleverest  of  recent  English  essayists,  him 
self  the  son  of  an  archbishop  and  the  master  of 
a  college,  is  distressed  by  the  inadequacy  of  edu- 
186 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

cational  methods  of  the  present  day.  Tennyson's 
famous  indictment  of  Cambridge — 

"Because  you  do  profess  to  teach, 
And  teach  us  nothing,  feeding  not  the  heart" — 

excites  him,  and  he  becomes  the  prey  of  melan 
choly.  "We  are,"  he  feels  and  says,  "too  pro 
fessional;  we  concern  ourselves  with  methods 
and  details;  we  swallow  blindly  the  elaborate 
tradition  under  which  we  have  ourselves  been 
educated;  we  continue  to  respect  the  erudite 
mind,  and  to  decry  the  appreciative  spirit  as 
amateurish  and  dilettante." 

Such  words  from  an  authoritative  source 
gratify  the  dreamer  incapable  of  incorporating 
into  concrete  expression  his  admirable  vagaries 
and  make  pleasing  reading  for  all,  but  once  sub 
jected  to  the  test  of  ordinary  analysis  they  are 
quickly  resolved  into  mere  evidence  of  "fine 
writing,"  indicative  of  a  woful  lack  of  compre 
hension.  Despite  the  pretty  phrasing,  there  is 
really  no  good  reason  for  ceasing  to  respect  the 
erudite  mind  or  to  decry  the  flabby  and  un 
wholesome  "appreciative  spirit,"  whose  most 
recent  symbol  in  England  was  the  sunflower 
protruding  offensively  from  the  button-hole  of 
erotical  genius.  To  this  day,  we  cannot  doubt, 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Eton  exudes  information  if  not  knowledge,  and 
paves  the  way  for  the  acquirement  of  wisdom. 
Tennyson's  plaint  may  be  dismissed  unresent- 
fully  as  the  cry  of  a  poet ;  but  from  a  competent 
student  of  human  progress,  such  as  Mr.  Benson 
unquestionably  is,  we  have  a  right  to  expect 
finer  discrimination.  The  difficulty  to  which 
both  allude  lies  not  in  the  trammels  of  method 
or  professionalism  or  regard  for  tradition,  but  in 
refusal  or  inability  to  differentiate  in  conscience 
between  that  which  is  good  and  that  which  is 
bad.  The  wisdom  they  reprobate  is  that  of  the 
serpent,  celebrated  in  adage  and  heedlessly  ac 
cepted  as  possessing  Scriptural  authority,  al 
though  Solomon  plainly  condemned  it,  by  in 
ference,  the  Saviour  in  no  sense  indorsed  it  when 
He  enjoined  mere  ordinary  caution  upon  the 
apostles  about  to  go  forth  "as  sheep  among 
wolves,"  and  God  Himself  at  the  very  beginning 
of  creation  cursed  its  source. 

The  difference  between  the  wisdom  urged  upon 
mankind  by  all  divine,  and  indeed  by  any  re 
spectable  human,  authority,  unless  we  accord 
to  Niccolo  Machiavelli  a  position  not  commonly 
conceded  to  him,  and  that  disparaged  by  the 
poet  and  the  essayist,  is  as  wide  as  the  gulf 
between  praiseworthy  sagacity  and  detestable 
shrewdness.  The  heart  requires  nourishment, 
188 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

to  be  sure ;  so  does  the  liver ;  but  the  business  of 
teachers  is  to  feed  and  discipline  the  mind, 
having  a  care  only  not  to  impair  the  normal 
strengthening  of  the  body  nor  to  check  the 
natural  broadening  of  sympathies.  When  they 
bewail  the  restrictions  imposed  upon  their  pro 
fession  by  ages  of  experience,  they  indulge  in 
talk  not  merely  idle  but  distinctly  harmful, 
tending  only  to  induce  in  the  youthful  mind 
excuse  for  slothfulness. 

Fie  upon  such  modern  philosophy!  In  haste 
we  return  to  the  ancients.  Ne.sutor  ultra  crepi- 
dam,  and  let  the  school-master  stick  to  his  task, 
leaving  to  the  hardy  Saxon  heart  the  privilege 
it  has  ever  enjoyed  of  acquiring  spirituality  in 
proportion  to  its  needs  and  its  capacity. 


The  Power  of  Sentiment 

WHAT  is  the  impulse  that  causes  wide-spread 
protestation  against  changes  in  spelling  ?  There 
is  nothing  revolutionary  in  such  a  proposal. 
Comparison  of  the  words  of  Chaucer  with  those 
now  used  shows  the  extent  of  evolution  wrought 
by  time  without  arousing  resentment.  Indeed, 
the  fact  is  universally  recognized  that  a  lan 
guage,  like  a  human  being,  must  undergo  con 
stant  change  or  cease  to  live.  Moreover,  all 
189 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

admit  that  the  spelling  of  hundreds  of  English 
words  is  not  only  unnecessarily  confusing,  but 
really  absurd.  And  yet.  as  we  have  seen,  an  at 
tempt  to  effect  a  general  simplification  or  even 
a  minor  modification  invariably  incites  a  storm 
of  disapproval.  Why  ?  Advocates  of  the  so- 
called  reform  insist  that  all  reason  supports  their 
effort  and  that  opposition,  therefore,  must  rest 
necessarily  upon  prejudice.  But  this  is  asser 
tion  rather  than  argument,  and  capable  of  use 
with  equal  force  by  the  other  side.  We  wonder 
if  sentiment  does  not  lie  closer  to  the  root  of  the 
antagonism  than  either  reason  or  prejudice. 
Language  itself  becomes  a  part  of  one's  being 
almost  as  early  as  love,  and  is  cherished  accord 
ingly.  The  written  word  lags  behind  the  one 
spoken,  but  soon  becomes  as  dear.  Even  the 
reformers  pause  before  reverence  and  incon 
sistently  retain  the  "u"  in  "Saviour,"  while 
eliminating  it  from  other  words  of  like  ending. 
It  is  a  pretty  saying  that  a  rose  by  another  name 
would  smell  as  sweet,  but  it  is  not  true.  Mary 
Jane  would  not  be  Mary  Jane  if  called  Maud, 
and  nobody  would  recognize  John  addressed  as 
Clarence.  The  reformers  seem  to  establish  the 
rightfulness  of  their  cause  and  the  absurdity  of 
opposition  by  noting  the  evolution  in  spelling  in 
the  short  time  that  has  elapsed  since  this  in- 
190 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

scription  was  written  for  the  most  famous  of 
known  tombs: 

"Good  frend,  for  lesvs  sake  forbeare, 
To  digg  the  dust  encloased  heare; 
Blese  be  ye  man  y*  spares  thes  stones, 
And  curst  be  he  yfc  moves  my  bones." 

But  who  would  manifest  the  daring  or  have  the 
heart  to  suggest  the  change  of  a  single  letter? 


Conscience  at  the  Custom-house 

WHAT  of  the  American  conscience  of  the 
present  day?  Are  its  warrants  and  inhibitions 
the  effect  of  inward  conviction  denoting  princi 
ple  or  only  the  logical  outcome  of  mental  argu 
ment  affected  by  desire  and  convenience  ?  What 
would  be  the  answer  of  the  thousands  of  men 
and  women  now  arriving  daily  from  abroad  after 
passing  through  the  ordeal  of  conversation  under 
oath  with  the  customs  officers  of  the  govern 
ment? 

The  situation  is  one  familiar  to  all  travellers. 
We  may  take  for  granted  that  nine-tenths  of  the 
returning  tourists  have  in  their  trunks  articles 
for  their  own  use  and  for  presentation  which  cost 
materially  more  than  the  insignificant  sum  fixed 
by  the  government  as  the  total  value  of  pur- 
191 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

chases  exempt  from  tariff  duty.  It  is  also  cer 
tain  that  not  one-tenth  make  declaration  to  that 
effect.  A  large  majority  solemnly  affirm,  with 
raised  right  hand  and  with  the  help  of  God,  that 
they  have  no  dutiable  goods  concealed  about 
their  persons  or  elsewhere.  But  they  have,  they 
know  that  they  have,  and  the  customs  officer 
knows  that  they  have.  How,  then,  can  we 
reconcile  the  perjury — for  that  is  what  it  really 
is — with  the  further  assertion,  which  we  unhesi 
tatingly  make,  that  they  are  honest  persons? 
The  various  explanations  and  excuses  of  those 
culpable  are  familiar.  One  seriously  convinces 
himself  or  herself,  usually  herself,  that  the  pur 
chases,  whatever  their  cost,  would  not  be  worth 
more  than  a  hundred  dollars  to  any  one  else, 
or  would  not  sell  for  more  at  the  auction  block. 
Not  that  this  consideration  has  any  bearing 
upon  the  matter;  it  is  only  self -condonation,  but 
it  is  preferable  to  frank  admission  of  fault.  An 
other  finds  excuse  in  the  obnoxious  features  of 
the  regulations,  and  argues  glibly  that,  since  the 
government  will  not  accept  his  or  her  word 
under  oath  in  any  case,  there  is  no  obligation 
to  speak  the  truth.  A  third  takes  exception 
to  the  meanness  of  the  law  itself  in  depriving 
faithful  and  law-abiding  citizens  of  some  vague 
inalienable  right. 

192 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

But  we  suspect  that  only  those  whose  moral 
sense  has  not  yet  been  blunted  by  frequent 
aberrations  find  such  explicit  extenuation  es 
sential  to  freedom  from  apprehension  of  annoy 
ance  in  the  hereafter.  Long  experience  enables 
the  customs  officer  to  detect  such  an  one  at  a 
glance.  He  notes  the  heightened  color,  the 
twitching  hand,  the  hesitating  voice,  and  the 
ill-concealed  movement  of  the  throat,  sugges 
tive  of  the  resemblance  between  a  conscience 
and  the  swallowed  angleworm  of  his  boyhood 
that  was  accustomed  to  tickle  when  it  squirmed, 
and  reminiscently,  though  gravely  and  sympa 
thetically,  he  smiles  as  he  affixes  his  signature 
to  the  fateful  document.  The  greater  number, 
however,  comforted  by  the  fact  that  they  sin 
in  large  company  and  that  a  whole  people  can 
not  be  indicted,  complacently  assure  themselves 
that,  while  the  regulations  are  doubtless  essen 
tial  to  the  apprehension  of  wicked  smugglers, 
the  duties  were  really  meant  to  be  placed  only 
upon  articles  intended  for  sale,  of  which  he — 
generally  he,  in  this  instance — has  none. 

This  is  broad  reasoning  but  probably  as  good 
as  any,  and,  frankly  speaking,  the  best  we  our 
selves,  after  no  little  searching,  have  been  able 
to  descry.  We  do  not,  of  course,  recommend  its 
adoption  by  God-fearing  people  who  see  wrong 
193 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

in  granting  to  conscience  even  so  brief  a  period 
of  rest;  we  merely  record  the  facts  as  bearing 
gently  though  fixedly  upon  the  inquiry  sug 
gested. 


Touch  Not,  Taste  Not,  Handle  Not! 

THE  unusual  prominence  lately  accorded  by 
the  public  mind  to  the  use  of  spirituous  liquors 
as  a  topic  of  discussion  was  directly  attributable 
to  two  widely  divergent  causes,  the  first  being 
the  surprising  wave  of  prohibitory  legislation 
that  swept  over  our  Southern  States,  and  the 
second,  unfortunately,  the  individual  action  of  a 
conspicuous  candidate  for  the  position  of  Chief 
Magistrate  in  offering  to  his  guests  a  mixture 
chiefly  of  gin  and  bitters  vulgarly  and  unjusti 
fiably  designated  as  a  cocktail.  The  prohib 
itory  laws  enacted  in  the  South  were  brought 
into  being  to  avert  the  inevitable  effect  of  strong 
drink  upon  the  weak  intellects  of  negroes,  and 
were  warranted,  undoubtedly,  as  involving  a 
practical  precaution  against  the  commission  of 
brutal  crimes.  The  wide-spread  criticism  of  the 
reported  act  of  the  eminent  and  exemplary  citi 
zen  referred  to,  however,  was  based  less  upon 
practical  than  upon  moral  considerations,  cen 
sure  having  been  expressed  freely  by  fellow- 
194 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

brethren  in  the  church  for  the  violation  of  what 
has  come  to  be  regarded  by  many,  especially  of 
the  Methodist  persuasion,  as  a  tenet  of  the  faith. 
Many  minds  confound  the  laws  of  man  with 
the  laws  of  God,  and  this  fact  is  responsible  for 
wrong  assumptions  without  number,  but  none 
probably  so  common  as  this,  that  the  drinking 
of  spirituous  liquors  is  forbidden  by  Biblical 
authority.  Excessive  indulgence,  indeed,  is  de 
nounced  in  many  passages  as  unwise,  but  hardly, 
except  by  inference,  as  sinful,  and  the  practical 
Lemuel  went  so  far  as  to  distinguish  in  recom 
mendation  between  wine  as  best  for  those  that 
be  "of  heavy  hearts,"  and  ''strong  drink"  for 
him  that  is  "ready  to  perish,"  counselling  even 
that  such  should  "  drink  and  forget  his  poverty, 
and  remember  his  misery  no  more."  In  the 
days  of  the  great  temperance  crusade  in  New 
England  the  ribald  were  wont  to  taunt  the  re 
formers  with  the  statement  that  the  Saviour 
turned  water  into  wine,  but  the  answer  promptly 
given  was  to  the  effect  that  the  water  became 
only  unfermented  grape  -  juice,  and  then  in 
variably  came  the  stern  admonition:  "Touch 
not,  taste  not,  handle  not!"  No  single  text  in 
the  Bible  probably  has  been  pressed  into  service 
more  frequently  than  this ;  and  surely  the  mean 
ing  of  none  has  been  so  generally  and  completely 
195 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

perverted.  The  interesting  fact  is  that,  instead 
of  making  the  prohibition  as  commonly  inter 
preted,  the  apostle  distinctly  forbade  the  Gen 
tiles  of  Colossae  to  observe  the  injunction  uttered 
by  another — probably  the  gnostic  philosopher, 
whose  teachings  had  so  distressed  the  good 
Epaphras.  A  noted  divine  of  Brooklyn,  hav 
ing  been  taken  severely  to  task  for  hinting  as 
much,  made  no  response,  evidently  fearing  to 
impair  his  usefulness  as  a  religious  teacher  by 
overturning  a  cherished  tradition.  Being  our 
selves,  fortunately,  unembarrassed  by  such  ap 
prehension,  we  are  enabled,  without  prejudice 
or  fear  of  consequences,  at  least  in  this  world, 
to  make  a  presentation  of  the  case,  which  should 
be  as  convincing  as  it  will  be  brief  and  simple. 

Despite  the  doubts  expressed  by  Professors 
Oort  and  Kuenen  respecting  the  authenticity 
of  the  Epistle  to  the  Colossians,  and  their  in 
sistence  that  it  must  have  been  prepared  by  a 
disciple  subsequent  to  the  death  of  Paul,  we  may 
reasonably  assume  that  it  was  written,  as  is 
generally  supposed,  by  the  apostle  himself  while 
in  prison  in  Rome,  in  response  to  an  earnest 
appeal  from  Epaphras,  who  had  sat  under  his 
teachings  at  Ephesus  and,  returning  to  Colossse 
with  Philemon  and  Archippus,  had  founded  the 
true  church.  Success  had  crowned  their  efforts, 
196 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

and  for  a  time  all  was  well ;  but  presently  specious 
teachers  of  false  doctrines  appeared,  and,  being 
unable  to  cope  with  them,  Epaphras  hurried  to 
Rome  and  induced  Paul  to  write  to  the  people 
directly,  confirming  and  expanding  the  simple 
gospel  which  he  and  his  companions  had  pro 
mulgated.  The  most  adroit  disturber,  accord 
ing  to  Conybeare  and  Howson,  was  an  Alexan 
drian  Jew,  who  abounded  in  precepts  that  seem 
ed  admirable  and  therefore  likely  to  induce  the 
subordination  of  religion  to  morals.  It  was 
this  tendency  which  Paul  undertook  to  coun 
teract  in  the  very  fine  epistle  borne  back  to 
Colossae  by  Tychicus.  His  purpose  was  to  dis 
sipate  the  clouds  of  philosophy  or  gnosis  which 
depreciated  dependence  upon  the  Christ  and, 
by  warning  the  people  against  observance  of 
Jewish  ceremonials,  to  win  them  back  to  the 
simple  faith.  To  accomplish  his  intent,  it  was 
necessary  to  make  a  sharp  distinction  between 
spiritual  and  material  excellencies,  exalting  the 
one  and,  for  the  sake  of  contrast,  deprecating 
the  other.  Hence  the  much-quoted  phrase,  as 
presented  in  the  Authorized  Version  (Chapter 
II.),  thus: 

20.  Wherefore,  if  ye  be  dead  with  Christ  from 
the  rudiments  of  the  world,  why,  as  though  living 
in  the  world,  are  ye  subject  to  ordinances, 
197 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

21.  (Touch  not;  taste  not;  handle  not; 

22.  Which  all  are  to  perish  with  the  using;)  after 
the  commandments  and  doctrines  of  men  ? 

Or,  according  to  the  Revised  Version: 

20.  If  ye  died  with  Christ  from  the  rudiments  of 
the  world,  why,  as  though  living  in  the  world,  do 
ye  subject  yourselves  to  ordinances, 

21.  Handle  not,  nor  taste,  nor  touch 

22.  (all  which  things  are  to  perish  in  the  using), 
after  the  precepts  and  doctrines  of  men  ? 

In  each  of  these  versions,  in  conformity  with 
custom,  the  phrase  appears  in  a  separate  verse 
and  has  been  freely  quoted  as  if  in  fact  a  segre 
gated  injunction.  The  free  translation  by  Cony- 
beare  and  Howson  puts  it  more  connectedly, 
thus: 

If,  then,  when  you  died  with  Christ,  you  put 
away  the  childish  lessons  of  outward  things,  why, 
as  though  you  still  lived  in  outward  things,  do  you 
submit  yourselves  to  decrees  (hold  not,  taste  not, 
touch  not — forbidding  the  use  of  things  which  are 
all  made  to  be  consumed  in  the  using)  founded  in 
the  precepts  and  doctrines  of  men? 

In  other  words,  if  they  were  indeed  true 
Christians  and  dead  with  Christ  (;'.  e.,  dead  to 
the  world) ,  they  needed  pay  no  heed  to  specious 
moral  precepts  because  necessarily  their  living 
would  be  righteous,  and  the  giving  of  undue 
198 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

attention  to  things  "consumed  in  the  using," 
such  as  meat  and  drink,  would  serve  only  to  con 
fuse  and  distract  the  mind  from  consideration 
of  inward  grace  and  spiritual  life.  That  a  doc 
trine  so  true  and  pure  and  exalted  should  be  dis 
torted  into  a  specific  prohibition  of  the  use  of 
spirituous  liquors  is  surely  no  more  creditable 
to  modern  intelligence  than  the  frequent  at 
tempts  to  find  warrant  for  their  use  in  the 
apostle's  admonition  to  take  "a  little  wine  for 
thy  stomach's  sake,"  when  as  a  matter  of  fact  no 
general  application  was  intended — nothing,  in 
fact,  beyond  a  wise  and  sympathetic  suggestion 
to  his  friend  Timothy,  who  was  dyspeptic,  to 
avoid  the  use  of  water  and  substitute  a  fluid  more 
readily  digested. 

We  shall  pursue  this  phase  of  the  subject  no 
further  than  to  add  that  persons  incapable  of 
reading  with  understanding  should  carefully  re 
frain  from  drawing  from  the  Bible  misleading 
quotations,  whose  possible  detection  cannot  fail 
to  create  in  open  minds  serious  misgivings  re 
specting  the  teachings  of  the  entire  Book. 


Of  Editors  and  their  Critics 

IT  is  not  uncommon  to  hear  unappreciated 
genius  speak  up,  especially  with  sarcastic  ref- 
199 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

erence  to  the  "intellectual  pretensions"  of  edi 
tors  of  magazines  whose  business  it  is  to  choose 
from  many  stories  submitted  a  few  for  publi 
cation.  Formerly,  disappointed  authors  were 
prone  to  accuse  these  unfortunate  judges  of 
forming  a  ring  around  personal  favorites;  but 
gradually  this  accusation  has  yielded  to  recogni 
tion  of  the  inevitable  effect  of  keener  competi 
tion.  It  is  found  necessary  now,  therefore,  to  con 
vict  the  entire  body  of  incompetency,  and  mere 
numerical  enlargement  has  made  this  almost  as 
difficult  as  to  indict  a  whole  people.  Still,  it 
may  be  done,  if  an  anonymous  correspondent  of 
a  conspicuous  newspaper  be  believed  and  his 
deduction  be  accepted. 

It  seems  that  a  casual  discussion  with  a  ' '  non- 
literary  friend"  led  to  the  making  of  a  test — • 
"one  perhaps  of  questionable  propriety,  but  nev 
ertheless  a  test,  and  a  relentless  one,"  namely: 
"One  of  Kipling's  most  popular  short  stories 
was  selected.  The  environment  of  the  tale  was 
English,  but  as  the  story  depended  little  on  local 
color  the  scene  was  easily  transferred  to  Amer 
ica.  An  entire  change  of  names  of  characters 
was  accomplished  after  considerable  mental  ef 
fort.  Aside  from  this,  I  give  my  word  of  honor 
not  a  paragraph,  a  line,  a  word,  or  a  punctua 
tion  was  changed. ' '  The  manuscript  so  prepared 
200 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

was  typewritten  and  sent  to  sixteen  periodicals. 
Each  of  the  sixteen  editors  declined  the  story, 
with  the  stereotyped  form  of  thanks.  "Finally, 
to  make  the  position  of  the  undiscerning  pub 
lishers  superlatively  ridiculous,  the  manuscript 
was  forwarded  to  Kipling's  original  publishers 
of  the  story.  After  an  interval  of  about  seven 
weeks  we  received  a  letter  containing  a  check 
and  acceptance.  The  check  was  returned  by 
us,  with  the  explanation  that  the  story  was  to 
be  amplified  into  a  novel,  and  in  due  time  we 
received  our  manuscript  back.  This  experience 
is  as  true  as  the  result  was  preposterous,  and  is 
a  commentary  and  a  reflection  on  somebody's 
intellectual  pretensions — upon  whose  we  will 
leave  it  for  the  public  to  decide." 

To  the  writer,  and  doubtless  to  his  non-literary 
friend,  the  result  of  this  stupid  fraud  seems  con 
clusive.  Really,  it  is  scarcely  even  indicative. 
We  have  no  means  of  ascertaining  the  precise 
reasons  why  each  of  the  sixteen  editors  returned 
the  manuscript,  but  we  do  happen  to  know  the 
cause  of  two  rejections.  It  was  sufficient  for 
one  editor,  for  example,  to  recall  that  he  had  de 
clined  the  story  when  submitted  originally  by 
Mr.  Kipling's  representative.  To  another  it  was 
a  matter  of  weary  routine.  Each  month  brings 
to  his  desk  so  many  meritorious  stories  and 

*4  201 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

articles  which,  on  the  presumption  that  they 
have  been  forgotten,  some  witless  investigator, 
prying  into  the  ways  of  the  literary  world,  has 
doctored  in  a  similar  manner,  that  long  ago  he 
ceased  to  rebuke  or  invite  any  controversy 
whatsoever  with  the  dishonest  sender. 

If  the  equally  censurable  maker  of  this  "test " 
gave  his  true  name,  he  may  rest  assured  that  it 
has  found  its  proper  place  upon  more  than  one 
well-laden  blacklist.  He,  however,  was  prob 
ably  more  cautious  than  his  prototype  who 
called  in  person  upon  a  certain  editor  of  the 
Atlantic  Monthly  of  the  name  of  William  Dean 
Howells,  and,  producing  a  poem  and  courteous 
note  of  declination,  indignantly  demanded  an 
explanation.  "Do  you  mean  to  intimate  that 
this  is  not  a  good  poem?"  he  challenged.  "By 
no  means,"  hastily  remonstrated  Mr.  Howells; 
"I  think  it  is  very  good  indeed."  "Then  why" 
— in  a  somewhat  mollified  tone — "do  you  de 
cline  it?  I  consider  it  the  best  I  have  ever 
written."  "Ah,  well,"  said  Mr.  Howells,  "after 
all,  we  have  very  few  differences  of  opinion.  Do 
you  know,"  he  added,  in  his  gentlest  voice,  "I 
have  long  regarded  it  as  the  best  that  Tennyson 
has  ever  written." 

But  it  was  the  purpose  of  our  smacking  in 
quirer  "to  make  the  position  of  the  undiscern- 
202 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

ing  publishers  superlatively  ridiculous,"  and  he 
flatters  himself  that  he  succeeded  when  he  won 
acceptance  and  a  check  from  the  publishers  of 
the  original  story  by  Kipling.  He  may,  there 
fore,  be  justified  in  claiming  that  he  has  brought 
"a  reflection  upon  the  intellectual  pretensions" 
of  one  out  of  sixteen  editors  by  demonstrating 
his  ignorance  or  lapse  of  memory.  Further  than 
that  he  seems  only  to  have  convicted  himself 
and  his  non-literary  friend  of  moral  perversion 
in  having  practised  gross  deception,  to  the  pos 
sible  injury  of  an  innocent  person,  and  of  pitiful 
cowardice  in  hiding  behind  anonymity. 


Of  Honesty  in  Advertising 

THAT  advertising  pays  is  a  fact  now  gener 
ally  recognized;  but  it  is  still  an  open  ques 
tion  whether  truthful  advertisements  produce 
results  equal  to  those  of  announcements  which, 
if  not  quite  deceitful,  are  nevertheless  obvious 
exaggerations.  The  first  exponent  of  paid-for 
publicity  on  a  large  scale  was  a  famous  manager 
of  circuses  to  whom  was  accredited  the  cynical 
observation  that  "the  American  people  love  to 
be  humbugged."  It  is  a  significant  fact,  how 
ever,  that  the  practice  of  that  able  showman  did 
not  conform  to  his  precept,  and  that  the  con- 
203 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

tinuance  of  his  success  was  really  due  to  the 
excellence  of  his  productions.  Doubtless,  he 
was  as  well  aware  of  this  truth  as  anybody  else, 
and  merely  chuckled  over  the  additional  ad 
vertising  obtained  at  no  cost,  through  a  witty 
observation  that  could  not  fail  to  appeal  to  the 
American  sense  of  humor.  Second  only  to  the 
showman  in  using  what  seemed  to  be  a  daring 
innovation  was  the  publisher  of  a  story-paper, 
who,  also,  always  gave  more  than  he  promised. 
Not  a  few  ambitious  emulators  of  these  pio 
neers  mistook  the  true  cause  of  their  successes 
and  endeavored  to  achieve  similar  benefits  by 
mere  pronouncements,  without  regard  to  ac 
curacy.  But  it  did  not  take  long,  for  merchants 
especially,  to  discover  that  lasting  gain  could 
not  be  obtained  in  this  manner,  and  year  by 
year  they  have  become  more  heedful  of  the  in 
junction  that,  irrespective  of  its  inherent  merit, 
honesty  is  the  best  policy.  It  is,  therefore,  a 
curious  and  interesting  fact  that,  of  those  who 
are  still  convinced  of  the  efficacy  of  the  ap 
parently  mistaken  notion  that  gross  exaggera 
tion  is  essential  to  attracting  public  attention, 
the  most  conspicuous  are  themselves  purveyors 
of  advertising.  A  recent  example  was  the  pros 
pectus  of  a  comparatively  new  periodical,  which, 
we  were  informed  by  the  enthusiastic  publisher, 
204 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

"is  not  only  an  unprecedented  success,"  but 
"has  at  once  taken  a  position  in  the  front  line." 
Curiously  enough,  so  simple  a  method  as  re 
ducing  its  price  enabled  it  to  immediately 
"strike  the  key-note  of  success,"  which  it  was 
sure  to  maintain  because  "probably  never  be 
fore  has  there  been  such  a  list  of  prominent 
writers  of  world-wide  reputation  engaged  by  a 
single  publisher."  In  conclusive  confirmation  of 
these  broad  assertions,  the  publisher  submitted 
the  expert  opinion  of  a  distinguished  statesman 
—whose  books,  incidentally,  he  printed — to  the 
effect  that  "it  is  by  a  long  shot  best  of  all  the 
August  magazines." 

Now,  each  of  these  assertions  was  untrue  and 
known  to  be  untrue,  not  only  by  the  publisher 
responsible  for  them,  but  probably  even  by  the 
kindly  disposed  statesman,  and  surely  by  the 
experienced  reader.  If,  by  chance,  there  should 
be  a  person  sufficiently  credulous  to  make  an 
experimental  purchase  only  to  find  that  he  has 
been  deceived,  what,  we  wonder,  is  the  effect 
upon  his  mind  anticipated  by  the  publisher? 
Probably  that,  while  recognizing  the  artifice,  he 
might  nevertheless  be  convinced  that  the  prod 
uct  was  really  worth  the  smaller  purchase  price 
required  and  that  he  would  continue  to  be  a 
customer.  The  chief  aim,  however,  we  suspect 
205 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

was  to  get  his  attention  at  all  hazards,  by  what 
ever  method. 

This  is  only  a  minor  illustration  of  a  prac 
tice  which  seems  reprehensible  and  is  becoming 
rather  more  general.  Publishers  of  books,  for 
example,  have  discovered,  or  think  they  have 
discovered,  that  an  effective  inducement  to  a 
prospective  purchaser  is  the  knowledge  that 
many  persons  have  bought  and  presumably  read 
with  delight  the  offered  product.  Hence  the 
frequency  of  announcements  to  the  effect  that 
so  many  thousands,  or  hundreds  of  thousands, 
of  copies  of  a  certain  book,  usually  a  novel, 
have  been  sold  or  at  least  printed.  We  do  not 
doubt  that  some  reputable  houses  are  scrupu 
lously  exact  in  making  such  statements;  but, 
in  the  majority  of  cases,  the  figures  present  a 
woful  exaggeration.  We  have  too  much  respect 
for  the  intelligence  of  the  American  public  to 
believe  that  they  are  regarded  seriously,  and  yet 
their  presentation  must  have  some  effect  or 
publishers  would  not  persist  in  the  usage. 

So,  too,  in  respect  to  the  circulation  claimed 
for  periodicals.  False  claims  are  the  rule  rather 
than  otherwise.  We  know  a  publisher  who  re 
fuses  to  make  any  statement  whatever,  simply 
because  he  has  a  prejudice  against  misrepresen 
tation  and  his  chief  competitor  has  not.  He 
206 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

does  not  consider  it  a  part  of  his  duty  to  chal 
lenge  the  assertion  of  another,  even  though  he 
knows  it  to  be  false.  Consequently,  although 
certain  that  many  thousand  more  copies  of  his 
periodical  are  sold  than  of  his  competitor's,  he 
is  obliged  to  require  the  prospective  customer 
to  convince  himself  of  the  fact  unaided.  We 
doubt  if  he  suffers  material  loss  of  desirable  trade 
by  reason  of  his  attitude,  and  yet  the  predica 
ment  is  surely  awkward  and  ought  not  to  be. 
At  times  we  have  secretly  hoped  that  some  of  our 
professional  reformers  would  attack  the  problem 
and  effect  a  wholesome  change,  but  this  is 
probably  too  much  to  ask,  or  even  dream  of, 
since  their  own  vehicles  of  expression  are  as  a 
rule  the  worst  offenders.  After  all,  experience 
has  convinced  us  that  the  quality  of  a  publica 
tion  itself  is  usually  a  sufficient  guarantee  of 
its  popularity  among  people  whose  attention  is 
worth  having,  and  that  heedfulness  of  exactitude 
in  the  advertising  of  wares  is,  in  the  long  run, 
both  politic  and  profitable. 

Permanence  of  a  Helpful  Pastime 

A  SOMEWHAT  distinguished  commentator  upon 

current  events  was  distressed  by  what  he  termed 

the  "hypertrophy  of  golf."     What  he  meant  to 

say,  in  plain  English,  was  that  the  recent  im- 

207 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

provements  introduced,  represented  in  partic 
ular  by  rubber  balls  and  long-handled  clubs, 
might  make  proficiency  so  easy  as  to  impair  the 
interest  in  the  game.  As  an  example  confirm 
ing  his  apprehension,  he  noted  that  professionals 
nowadays  find  no  difficulty  in  circling  the  long 
est  courses  with  less  than  seventy  strokes.  This 
to  our  critic's  mind  meant  the  likelihood  of 
changing  golf  to  mere  cross-country  pedestrian- 
ism,  and  he  longed  for  a  recurrence  of  the  good 
old  days  when  "the  putting  of  little  balls  into 
little  holes  with  instruments  very  ill-adapted  to 
that  purpose  "  was  more  onerous.  It  would  be 
a  pity,  indeed,  if  the  fears  of  our  friend  should 
be  realized,  even  in  a  minor  degree.  Golf  has 
ceased  to  be  a  fad.  It  has  become  an  institu 
tion  of  very  great  value  to  the  community.  It 
affords  practically  the  only  sane  recreation  for 
men  of  middle-age,  who  stand  most  in  need  of 
open  air  and  moderate  exercise.  It  is  upon  this 
class,  not  upon  professionals  or  limber  boys  who 
perform  marvellous  feats,  that  the  permanence 
of  the  pastime  depends;  and,  despite  the  fore 
bodings  noted,  we  are  convinced  from  experience 
and  observation  that  this  reliance  has  a  sub 
stantial  basis.  No  invention  as  yet  has  been 
wrought  that  can  effect  a  material  improvement 
in  the  quality  of  golf  played  by  one  who  has 
208 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

passed  his  fortieth  birthday.  Constant  practice 
and  strict  attention  to  the  unsatisfying  merit  of 
accuracy  may  improve  the  performance  of  such 
an  one  to  the  extent  of  from  five  to  ten  strokes, 
but  no  more.  With  the  passing  of  years,  one 
becomes  staid  physically  as  well  as  mentally  and 
morally.  We  venture  the  assertion  that,  even 
with  the  aid  of  the  modern  improvements,  the 
number  of  strokes  required  by  a  very  large 
majority  of  middle-aged  men  who  indulge  in  the 
pastime  regularly  is  nearer  one  hundred  and 
ten  than  ninety.  To  them  the  invention  of  the 
rubber  balls  and  the  long  handles  was,  and  con 
tinues  to  be,  a  happy  circumstance,  relieving 
somewhat  the  discouragement  attending  the  in 
evitable  recognition  of  the  bitter  truth  that 
exceptional  proficiency  could  not  thereafter  be 
attained.  So  far  as  we  have  been  able  to  per 
ceive,  the  game  has  lost  none  of  those  exasperat 
ing  features  which  constitute  its  chief  charm; 
nor  is  there  any  lack  of  competitive  joy  among 
the  wise  who  have  come  to  recognize  the  de 
sirability  of  restricting  their  associations  on  the 
links  to  those  of  their  own  limited  capacity. 

The  Helpfulness  of  Fishing 

ABILITY  to  cast  a  fly  has  so  long  been  recog 
nized  as  the  chief  requisite  of  a  true  fisherman 
209 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

that  those  who  profess  to  be  sportsmen  are  prone 
to  shrug  their  shoulders  at  mention  of  one  who 
merely  angles;  and  yet  the  great  Izaak  himself, 
whose  rambling  dialogue,  "sweetening  the  tem 
per  of  any  man  who  reads  it,"  has  become  a 
classic,  was  so  ignorant  of  the  more  delicate  art 
that  a  friend  was  called  to  make  discourse  there 
on  in  the  "compleat"  book.  We  are  probably 
justified,  then,  in  assuming  that  there  are  two 
sides  of  the  argument,  the  decision  depending 
chiefly  upon  the  purpose  held  in  view.  To  one 
seeking  active  sport  the  lithe  rod  and  shrewdly 
selected  imitation  of  a  familiar  insect  are  essen 
tial,  but  the  philosopher  seeking  opportunity  for 
reflection  needs  only  the  troll,  the  bob,  or  the 
amiable  worm. 

One  of  our  most  exemplary  citizens,  chiefly 
distinguished  from  having  twice  served  as  Chief 
Magistrate  of  the  nation,  used  the  bob  sturdily 
and  skilfully,  yet  withal  so  considerately  as  to 
have  achieved  no  small  measure  of  popularity 
beneath  the  surface  of  the  waters.  It  is  this 
method  of  fishing  that  affords  the  widest  range 
for  meditation,  and  we  are  pleased  to  know 
that  some  of  the  thoughts  that  came  to  him 
in  the  intervals  of  waiting  he  saw  fit  to  set 
down  for  publication  in  a  book,  the  reading  of 
which  is  a  delight,  especially  if  one  permit  one's 
210 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

imagination  to  depict  the  conditions  attendant 
upon  specific  reflections.  For  example:  "Fish 
ing  stories  are  always  to  be  believed"  brings 
before  the  mental  vision  the  inevitable  doubter 
of  the  sad  truth  that  "the  biggest  fish  are  always 
lost";  a  clear  conscience  ensuing  from  stern  re 
sistance  of  temptation  clearly  appears  in  "It  is 
better  to  go  home  with  nothing  killed  than  to 
feel  the  weight  of  a  mean,  unsportsmanlike  act " ; 
unconscious  disapprobation  of  certain  political 
methods  may  be  suspected  from  "The  unstrenu- 
ous,  philosophical  fishing  fraternity  does  more 
good  for  humanity  than  the  strenuous  people"; 
and,  finally,  a  plea  for  leisure  as  a  cure  for  present 
evils  is  plainly  manifest  in  "There  can  be  no 
doubt  that  the  promise  of  industrial  business,  of 
contented  labor,  and  of  healthful  moderation  in 
the  pursuit  of  wealth,  in  this  democratic  coun 
try  of  ours,  would  be  infinitely  improved  if  a 
larger  share  of  the  time  which  has  been  devoted 
to  the  concoctions  of  trusts  and  business  com 
binations  had  been  spent  in  fishing."  Here 
spoke  the  statesman  as  well  as  the  philosopher, 
the  man  of  experience  and  affairs  no  less  than 
the  calm,  dispassionate  observer  of  current  ten 
dencies. 

It  is  well,  indeed,  as  Dr.  Prime  would  say,  to 
go  a-fishing  when  one  may  catch  such  helpful 

211 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

thoughts,  but  better  far  and  vastly  more  prof 
itable  to  the  jaded  mind  and  worn  conscience  is 
the  inestimable  privilege  of  renewing  acquaint 
ance  with  one's  self  amid  the  singing  of  the 
birds  and  the  sighing  of  the  trees.  Such,  in 
considering  the  true  need  of  the  American  man, 
we  suspect  to  have  been  the  feeling,  though  un 
expressed,  of  our  worthy  sage. 


Should  Waiters  Wear  Beards  ? 

WORD  came  some  time  ago  from  Rome  to  the 
effect  that  the  Waiters'  Union  of  the  Eternal 
City  had  decreed  that  hereafter  each  member 
should  wear  a  beard.  The  brief  news  para 
graph  bearing  this  interesting  information  did 
not  contain  the  various  "  whereases  "  which  must 
have  preceded  it  and  stated  the  reasons  for  the 
resolution,  but  undoubtedly  the  action  was  a 
revolt  against  the  indication  of  servitude.  In 
taking  this  view  the  waiters  had  a  precedent  of 
long  standing,  since,  according  to  Tacitus,  even 
the  ancient  Germans  regarded  a  clean-shaven 
face  as  a  sign  of  menial  occupation. 

In  the  eyes  of  our  Biblical  forebears  the  beard 
was  almost  sacred,  and  it  was  so  universally 
worn  that  the  great  lawgiver,  instead  of  pro 
scribing  the  use  of  the  razor,  forbade  the  chosen 

212 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

people  to  "mar"  so  much  as  the  "corners  of  their 
beards. ' '  Also  when  Hanun  wished  to  humiliate 
David's  messengers  he  shaved  one  side  of  their 
faces,  and  when  they  returned  to  their  master 
they  were  obliged  to  become  social  recluses  until 
their  hair  should  grow  again.  In  more  modern 
times  customs  have  varied  widely.  The  fan 
tastic  trimming  into  formal  shapes  correspond 
ing  to  old-fashioned  box-hedges  began  during 
Elizabeth's  reign,  and  has  continued  to  a  greater 
or  less  degree  to  the  present  day.  In  England 
now  a  gentleman  is  supposed  to  wear  a  mus 
tache,  and  until  comparatively  recently  the 
growth  of  one  was  the  first  ambition  of  the  youth 
of  this  country.  It  is  hardly  ten  years  since  the 
American  usage  changed,  but  the  revolution  was 
so  complete,  when  it  did  arrive,  that  nowadays 
young  men  are  almost  invariably  clean-shaven, 
and  their  elders  are  gradually  yielding  to  the 
new  fashion. 

Why  the  absence  of  a  beard  was  regarded  by 
the  Germans  as  a  sign  of  servitude  is  not  re 
corded,  but  in  recent  times  the  custom,  as 
applied  especially  to  waiters,  undoubtedly  had 
its  origin  in  regard  for  neat  and  cleanly  ap 
pearance.  Mere  contemplation  of  flowing  beards 
in  proximity  to  plates  of  soup  would  seem  to  in 
dicate  sufficient  ground  for  the  present  arrange- 
213 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

ment  to  justify  its  continuance.  Hair-dressers 
have  certain,  though  unsatisfying,  excuse  for 
utilizing  their  beards  as  convenient  receptacles 
for  their  various  combs,  but  a  waiter  has  no 
such  practical  extenuation.  In  fact,  the  modern 
germ  theory  alone  probably  would  suffice  to  de 
prive  him  of  the  privilege.  Moreover,  as  we  have 
pointed  out,  in  this  country  the  clean-shaven 
face  is  no  longer  a  sign  of  servitude,  but  rather 
an  evidence  of  freedom  from  blemish.  There  is 
also  a  growing  indisposition  on  the  part  of  those 
who  do  actually  serve  to  resent  the  recognized 
signs  of  their  occupation. 

We  question  whether  ever  again  the  beard  or 
mustache  will  become  popular.  After  all,  wom 
en  make  fashions  for  men,  as  well  as  for  them 
selves,  and  the  wearing  of  a  beard  or  mustache, 
we  are  informed,  has  become  in  their  view  ob 
noxious.  If  it  be  true,  then,  as  we  suspect  it  is, 
that  the  chief  purpose  of  American  men  is  to 
gratify  those  whom  they  are  pleased  to  idealize, 
no  general  response  to  the  movement  inaugu 
rated  in  the  Eternal  City  need  be  anticipated 
here. 

The  Passing  of  the  Deacon 

IT  is  a  pity,  if  true  as  reported,  that  the  office 
of  deacon  has  ceased  to  be  regarded  with  favor 
214 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

by  members  of  the  Protestant  churches  in  New 
England.  Time  was  when  the  title  conferred 
distinction  and  honor,  and  was  sought  with  as 
great  diligence  as  could  be  considered  seemly  by 
good  and  pious  men.  Once  acquired,  too,  it 
wrought  a  marked,  though  unconscious,  change 
in  the  demeanor  of  the  possessor,  who  forth 
with  became  graver  and  more  chary  of  speech, 
except  in  saying  grace  at  table  and,  in  the  really 
old  days,  at  the  beautifully  simple  home  services 
known  as  "family  prayers."  But,  as  the  spirit 
of  irreverence  gradually  permeated  unregenerate 
days,  stories  of  uncouth  humor  were  spun  about 
the  deacon  as  a  central  figure,  comic  papers  de 
picted  him  chiefly  as  indulging  on  the  sly  a  liking 
for  a  horse-race,  and,  all  in  all,  the  title  con 
tinued  to  lose  its  former  dignity  and  significance, 
until  now,  as  we  are  told,  it  is  not  only  no  longer 
sought,  but  rather  generally  avoided. 

Although  perhaps  sometimes  forgotten,  it  is 
a  fact,  scarcely  surprising  to  those  given  to  in 
vestigating  the  origins  of  customs,  that  widows 
are  directly  responsible  for  the  earliest  appoint 
ment  of  church  officials  of  the  class  we  have  in 
mind.  When  the  apostles  realized  the  necessity 
of  providing  bodily  sustenance  for  those  who 
were  in  attendance  on  their  ministrations,  they 
made  the  requisite  arrangements;  but  appar- 
215 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

ently  the  distribution  was  unsystematical,  and 
presently  the  Grecians  were  egged  on  by  their 
widow  folk  to  complain  that  the  Hebrews  were 
obtaining  more  than  their  fair  share  of  the 
provender. 

Whereupon  the  Twelve  took  counsel  and  de 
cided  that,  since  it  ill  became  them  as  spiritual 
teachers  to  serve  the  tables,  the  appointment  of 
certain  brethren  of  good  repute  to  superintend 
the  business  was  in  every  way  desirable.  Seven 
were  chosen — Stephen,  who  subsequently  was 
famed  for  his  faith  and  good  works;  Philip, 
another  admirable  man;  Prochorus;  Nicanor; 
Timon;  Parmenas  and  the  proselyte  Nicolas — 
and  they  were  designated  fittingly  from  the 
nature  of  their  task  as  deacons — from  the  Greek 
SICLKOVOG  or  its  Latin  derivative  diaconus,  mean 
ing  attendant,  or  one  who  serves.  That  these 
first  members  of  the  order  performed  well  their 
work  is  evidenced  by  the  fact  that  the  widows 
ceased  to  murmur,  and  by  their  own  rapid  ad 
vancement  in  authority,  until  some  were  per 
mitted  to  preach  and  even  to  do  miraculous 
deeds.  To  this  day,  in  the  Methodist  Episco 
pal  Church,  deacons  are  ordained  by  the  bishop 
and  may  serve  as  travelling  preachers,  solem 
nize  marriage  and  administer  the  rite  of  bap 
tism.  In  the  Congregational  bodies  they  seldom 
216 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

preach,  but  often  read  a  sermon  in  the  absence 
of  the  pastor,  and  invariably  distribute  the 
elements  of  the  Communion.  They  are  also 
supposed  to  act  as  almoners  after  the  fashion  of 
Stephen  and  Philip,  and  in  some  States  are  em 
powered  to  hold  as  trustees  the  property  of  the 
church.  In  the  very  early  days  there  were 
deaconesses  also;  but,  as  the  widows  generally 
selected  apparently  did  not  enjoy  being  classified 
as  "of  mature  age,"  the  practice  fell  into  disuse, 
although  the  order  is  still  maintained  in  Ger 
many,  and  to  a  limited  degree  by  various  sects 
in  this  country. 

The  office  suffered  much  in  the  old  country 
from  the  reprehensible  conduct  of  a  Scotsman 
of  the  name  of  William  Brodie,  a  deacon  in  an 
Edinburgh  kirk,  and  as  canny  a  rascal  as  was 
ever  reared  on  oatmeal.  It  was  his  custom  to 
pass  the  plate  of  a  Sunday  morning  and  then 
proceed  directly  to  his  wood-yard,  where  he 
would  meet  others  of  like  sportive  inclinations  in 
gratifying  his  passion  for  the  abominable  sport 
of  cock-fighting.  In  his  professional  capacity 
as  "  wright "  and  cabinet-maker  he  had  access  to 
warehouses,  shops,  and  the  residences  of  well-to- 
do  citizens,  and  there  occurred  to  his  ingenious 
fancy  the  idea  of  taking  the  impressions  of  keys 
in  putty,  making  duplicates,  and  levying  toll 
is  217 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

upon  his  friends  and  acquaintances  while  they 
were  asleep.  Sometimes  his  exploits  were  as 
tonishingly  daring;  here  is  an  instance: 

"  One  Sunday  an  old  lady,  precluded  by  indis 
position  from  attending  the  kirk,  was  quietly  read 
ing  her  Bible  at  home.  She  was  alone  in  the  house 
— her  servant  having  gone  to  church — when  she 
was  startled  by  the  apparition  of  a  man,  with  crape 
over  his  face,  in  the  room  where  she  was  sitting. 
The  stranger  quietly  lifted  the  keys  which  were 
lying  on  the  table  beside  her,  opened  her  bureau, 
from  which  he  took  out  a  large  sum  of  money,  and 
then,  having  locked  it  and  replaced  the  keys  upon 
the  table,  retired  with  a  respectful  bow.  The  old 
lady,  meanwhile,  had  looked  on  in  speechless  amaze 
ment,  but  no  sooner  was  she  left  alone  than  she  ex 
claimed,  'Surely  that  was  Deacon  Brodie!' — which 
subsequent  events  proved  to  be  the  fact." 

At  first  Brodie  was  content  to  work  by  him 
self,  but  as  his  ambitions  widened  he  selected 
accomplices.  Robbery  after  robbery  was  suc 
cessfully  carried  through,  the  rich  of  Edinburgh 
went  quaking  to  their  beds,  the  guardians  of  the 
law  seemed  powerless.  And  all  this  time  the 
incomparable  deacon  serenely  walked  the  streets 
of  his  native  city,  attended  to  his  legitimate 
business,  entertained  and  was  entertained  by 
admiring  friends.  Then  there  came  to  him  the 
magnificent  idea  of  breaking  into  the  General 
218 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

Excise  Office  for  Scotland,  where  large  sums  of 
money  were  stored.  In  this  adventure  he  had 
three  accomplices.  All  would  have  gone  well 
save  for  one  of  those  accidents  which  are  the 
despair  of  criminals.  While  their  work  was  in 
progress — they  had  already  found  some  sixteen 
pounds — Mr.  James  Bonar,  Deputy  Solicitor  of 
Excise,  hurriedly  returned  to  the  office  to  find 
some  papers.  The  deacon,  for  the  first  and  last 
time  in  his  life,  lost  his  nerve;  he  incontinently 
fled.  The  other  men,  hearing  footsteps  and  dis 
covering  Brodie's  absence,  departed  also.  All 
might  still  have  been  well,  for  Mr.  Bonar  sus 
pected  nothing,  but  one  of  the  accomplices,  fear 
ing  detection  and  hoping  to  save  his  own  neck, 
made  a  confession,  and  the  game  was  up.  But 
for  a  long  time  the  deacon  eluded  capture,  even 
staying  some  days  in  London  within  five  hun 
dred  yards  of  Bow  Street.  From  London  he 
escaped  to  Flanders,  and  finally,  through  his 
own  indiscretion,  was  captured  in  Amster 
dam. 

The  trial  which  followed  was  one  of  the  most 
celebrated  in  the  annals  of  Edinburgh.  Deacon 
Brodie  conducted  himself  with  perfect  com 
posure.  A  contemporary  account  said:  "He  was 
respectful  to  the  Court,  and  when  anything  ludi 
crous  occurred  in  the  evidence  he  smiled  as  if 
219 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

he  had  been  an  indifferent  spectator."  The  ver 
dict  was  "Guilty."  In  prison  he  kept  up  his 
spirits,  and  when  a  friend  visited  him  sang  with 
the  utmost  cheerfulness  from  the  "Beggar's 
Opera."  On  the  scaffold  he  was  still  unper 
turbed.  "Twice,  owing  to  some  defect  in  the 
adjustment  of  the  ropes,  did  the  deacon  descend 
the  platform  and  enter  into  conversation  with 
his  friends.  .  .  .  With  his  hands  thrust  carelessly 
into  the  open  front  of  his  vest  .  .  .  the  deacon 
calmly  took  that  step  out  of  the  world  which 
his  own  ingenuity  (he  had  made  some  improve 
ment  in  the  gallows'  drop)  is  said  to  have  short 
ened."  Even  after  the  execution  there  were  re 
ports  that  the  deacon  had  "cheated  the  wuddy  " 
after  all. 

Not  even  our  happily  versatile  land  has  pro 
duced  a  scamp  so  picturesque  or  so  thoroughly 
calculated  as  Brodie  to  bring  his  honorable  office 
into  disrepute.  For  the  disfavor  now  said  to 
attend  it  in  this  country,  we  suspect  the  comic 
papers  are  chiefly  responsible,  although  prob 
ably  a  searching  inquiry  would  reveal  that  the 
widows  are  still  somehow  concerned  in  the  mat 
ter,  as  they  have  been  from  the  beginning. 
Whatever  the  causes,  the  fact,  if  such  it  really 
be,  is,  as  we  have  said,  a  pity,  for  the  office  is  a 
high  and  holy  one,  and  has  been  filled  by  thou- 
220 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

sands  of  godly  men  in  all  ways  worthy  successors 
of  Stephen  and  Philip. 


A  Christmas  Plea  for  Vanity 

WE  question  whether  Solomon  actually  wrote 
or  dictated  the  words  of  the  preacher;  it  seems 
far  more  likely  that,  in  his  old  age,  he  let  his 
moody  spirit  feed  upon  the  shrewdly  pessimistic 
philosophy  of  his  courtiers,  and  himself  became 
the  editor  of  epigrammatic  phrases,  most  favor 
ed  if  sardonic.  "Vanity  of  vanities,  all  is  van 
ity,"  is  the  expression,  not  of  wisdom,  but  of 
folly — a  weak  admission  of  spiritual  depression 
unworthy  of  a  strong  character  or  even  a  trained 
intellect.  In  other  books  comprised  in  the  Old 
Testament  the  word,  subsequently  translated 
into  the  Latin  vanitas  and  now  into  the  Es 
peranto  vaneco,  signified  a  heathen  god  or  per 
sonification  of  vice;  but,  clearly,  in  Ecclesiastes 
it  was  used  to  represent  mere  emptiness,  indi 
cating  the  futility  of  endeavor,  as,  for  example, 
Cooper  poetically  defined  death  as  reducing  all 
to  the  same  views  of  the  "vanity  of  life,"  and 
Poe  mournfully  bewailed 

"  — the  hollow  and  high-sounding  vanities 
Of  the  populous  Earth!" 

221 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

As,  of  course,  we  all  know,  the  accepted  mean 
ing  of  the  word  changed  long  ago ;  precisely  when 
we  cannot  tell,  but  certainly  before  the  frankest 
of  philosophers  argued  that  it  was  less  vain  than 
immodest  in  a  man  to  speak  freely  of  himself. 
To-day  our  latest,  revised  and  professedly  up- 
to-date  dictionaries  define  vanity  as  (i)  "a  feel 
ing  of  shallow  pride,  especially  as  characteris 
tic  and  demonstrative,  and  as  manifesting  an 
overweening  desire  to  attract  notice  and  gain 
admiration  in  a  small  way  on  slight  grounds"; 
(2)  "mental  elation  arising  from  a  high  opinion 
of  one's  own  attainments  or  achievements,  or 
from  an  overestimation  of  possessions  more 
showy  than  valuable  ";  and  (3)  "inordinate  self- 
esteem.  ' '  The  third  interpretation  we  reject  as  an 
encroachment  upon  the  prerogatives  of  egotism 
and  conceit;  the  first  and  second  we  accept  as 
exact  in  the  modern  sense,  and  from  that  view 
point  we  insist  that  the  trait  has  undergone  se 
rious  misrepresentation. 

Vanity,  as  we  and  our  modern  dictionaries 
comprehend  it,  is  not  displeasing  in  manifesta 
tion.  King  Solomon  himself  would  not  have 
resented  a  natural  effort  upon  the  part  of  a 
child  "to  attract  notice  and  gain  attention  in  a 
small  way  on  slight  grounds";  though  wise,  he 
was  intensely  human,  as  we  could  readily  demon- 

222 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

strate  from  his  autobiography,  and  he  would 
have  entered  sympathetically  into  the  spirit  of 
the  future  woman  joyously  exhibiting  her  bows 
of  pink  and  blue.  Moreover,  while  of  course 
only  well-to-do  as  compared  with  our  own  mod 
ern  billionaires  or  multi-millionaires,  he  never 
theless  possessed  much  gold  and  silver,  to  say 
nothing  of  an  aggregation  of  concubines  difficult 
of  acquirement  in  these  hypercritical  days,  and 
could  appreciate  the  naturalness  of  "mental  ela 
tion  arising  from  an  overestimation  of  posses 
sions."  And  so,  despite  the  disparity  in  the 
possession  of  worldly  goods,  can  we  or  any  fitly 
constructed  person.  An  exhibition  of  vanity  on 
the  part  of  one  unduly  rich  is  but  normal  and 
no  more  offensive  than  a  similar  manifestation 
by  a  happy  child.  Even  having  the  power,  to 
deprive  either  the  one  or  the  other  of  the  harm 
less  personal  enjoyment  arising  therefrom  would 
be  a  surly  performance,  incompatible  with  the 
spirit  which  should  predominate  during  the  cele 
bration  of  Christ's  mass. 

Christmas  week  is  the  time  of  all  the  year  when 
blessings  from  the  heart  fall  most  bountifully 
upon  the  vast  majority  of  humankind  who  work 
to  live.  To  those  who  have  so  much  that  the 
most  shrewdly  selected  gift  can  but  add  to  a 
hopeless  surfeit  it  is  a  season  of  comparative 
223 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

bitterness.  They  are  the  ones,  then,  most  im 
mediately  in  need  of  sympathetic  commiseration, 
and  for  them,  on  this  eve  of  the  celebration  of 
the  Nativity,  we  bespeak  the  kindly  feeling  of 
all  good  people  and  gentle  tolerance  of  vanities 
inseparable  from  great  possessions. 


On  Behalf  of  Satan 

As  we  approach  the  season  of  Yuletide,  when 
hearts  are  warmed  by  emotions  of  forbearance 
for  saints  and  charity  for  sinners,  it  would  seem 
to  be  fitting  that  somebody  should  say  a  good 
word  for  the  devil.  We  fully  recognize  the  dis 
favor  in  which  he  is  ostensibly  and  somewhat 
ostentatiously  held  by  those  of  us  who  would  re 
luctantly  admit,  if  pressed,  that  we  may  be  better 
than  our  neighbors ;  and  we  appreciate  the  odium 
likely  to  be  incurred  by  one  who  pleads  for  any 
thing  like  a  "square  deal"  for  a  cosmic  politician 
whose  regard  for  righteousness  suffers  sadly  from 
the  nature  of  his  business.  And  yet,  accustomed 
as  we  are  to  grant  that  any  one  who  has  achieved 
noteworthy  success  possesses  some  merit,  we 
may  not  logically  or  fairly  deny  the  right  of  con 
sideration  to  an  archangel  who,  after  thousands 
of  years  of  strife  unexampled  in  point  of  bitter 
ness,  still  manages,  according  to  current  opinion, 
224 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

to  hold  his  own.  True,  we  think  or,  at  least, 
are  glad  to  hope  that  the  seemingly  everlasting 
struggle  between  day  and  night,  light  and  dark 
ness,  good  and  evil,  is  gradually  working  to  the 
ultimate  salvation  of  a  small,  though  select,  seg 
ment  of  the  human  race;  but,  even  so,  to  depre 
ciate  the  fighting  quality  of  our  chief  adversary 
would  reflect  little  credit  upon  a  breed  accus 
tomed  to  acclaim  its  own  sportsman-like  spirit. 
Surely,  if  it  be  true,  as  our  most  religious  ob 
servers  declare,  that  Satan  still  has  a  greater 
following  than  all  of  the  good  angels  combined, 
the  fact  is  full  of  significance.  And  how  ac 
counted  for?  That  he  is  shrewder  and  more 
industrious  than  the  others  we  have  been  taught 
and  may  readily  believe;  but  even  that  painful 
admission  hardly  suffices  as  an  explanation. 
May  it  not  be  that  Satan,  in  common  with  other 
politicians,  has  been  misunderstood  and  mis 
represented?  His  original  offence  seems  not 
to  have  been  unduly  serious;  he  was  only  so 
ambitious,  as  we  are  informed,  that  he  could  not 
keep  quiet,  and  his  restlessness  made  of  him  a 
common  nuisance,  as  it  has  of  others  since,  and 
St.  Michael  was  instructed  to  put  him  out.  Un 
fortunately  for  us,  he  landed  eventually  upon 
our  earth  in  the  vicinity  of  an  attractive  new 
garden,  and,  assuming  the  guise  of  a  serpent,  im- 
225 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

pertinently  accosted  an  imprudent  lady  in  such 
beguiling  fashion  as  to  produce  those  disastrous 
results  of  which  we  all  are  now  cognizant. 

It  was  not  a  manly  or  generous  act  thus  to 
impose  upon  the  credulity  of  a  newly  made  lady 
quite  destitute  of  experience;  but  there  is  no 
reason  to  believe  that  it  was  regarded  as  wholly 
without  excuse  even  at  his  home,  because,  ac 
cording  to  the  Scriptures,  he  kept  going  back  and 
forth  and  handing  in  reports  until  he  overshot 
the  mark  by  practically  betting  that  poor  Job 
could  be  nagged  into  repudiation  of  his  faith. 
We  have  never  been  able  to  understand  how 
Satan  got  permission  to  have  that  test  made. 
Job  was  an  inoffensive,  law-abiding  citizen, 
wholly  devoted  to  his  own  flocks  and  wives,  and 
in  all  other  ways  exemplary  in  thought,  expres 
sion,  and  conduct.  But,  calm  and  simple  though 
he  seemed,  he  was,  as  we  all  who  read  the  Bible 
know,  strong  enough  to  resist  temptation,  and 
the  ambitious  Satan,  losing  prestige  in  conse 
quence  in  heaven,  was  virtually  forced  to  pass 
the  remainder  of  his  days  between  hell  and 
earth,  and  in  this  latter  resort  we  must  confess 
he  has  been  and  is  to  this  day  most  annoying 
and  pertinacious. 

Fortunately,  there  is  no  reason  to  believe  that 
his  ministrations  will  continue  beyond  this  life. 
226 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

There  was  at  one  time  such  an  idea  shared  by 
even  such  men  as  Milton  and  Dante  and  Calvin, 
but  later  advices  indicate  to  the  scientific  rnind 
that  it  was  fallacious.  In  the  first  place,  it  is 
now  conceded  that  hell  is  not  a  hot  place,  but 
a  land  of  bitter  cold  and  icy  walls,  gloomy  enough 
to  irritate  sinners,  and  yet  not  entirely  devoid 
of  material  comforts.  Its  original  name  was 
Niflheim,  but  since  none  but  Germans  could 
pronounce  it  properly,  it  was  changed  as  a 
compliment  to  the  Teutonic  goddess  Hel,  when 
she  became  its  queen,  and  has  since  been  known 
to  all  by  that  title — short,  easily  spoken,  and 
capable  of  being  uttered,  at  times,  with  appro 
priately  explosive  emphasis.  Thence,  in  mid 
winter,  seeking  shelter  from  the  Icelandic  blasts, 
travelled  the  djoful,  as  he  was  then  known  in 
that  vicinity. 

It  was  a  red-letter  day  in  Hel  when  the  devil 
arrived;  the  jovial  residents  had  long  wanted  a 
butt  for  their  jests,  and  the  half-starved  wan 
derer  supplied  the  need.  "In  the  most  good- 
humored  manner,"  Professor  Max  Muller  in 
forms  us,  "they  exchanged  a  flitch  of  bacon  for 
his  marvellous  quern ;  and  when  he  had  satisfied 
the  cravings  of  hunger,  they  played  many  pranks 
upon  him." 

One  cannot  but  feel  some  pity  for  the  poor 
227 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

devil  in  those  early  days.  He  was  young  and 
inexperienced,  lacking  both  patrimony  and 
friends,  and  looking  forward  to  a  protracted 
existence  and  strenuous  career.  The  Germans 
thought  he  was  stupid,  and  their  legends  contain 
so  many  accounts  of  ludicrous  ways  in  which 
they  invariably  outwitted  him,  that  Southey 
once  confessed  that  he  "could  never  think  of  the 
devil  without  laughing."  It  was  in  this  con 
temptuous  spirit  that  the  English,  having  in 
mind  the  nix  or  nixy  of  the  German  fairy-tales, 
corresponding  to  the  nicor  of  Beowulf,  designat 
ed  him  laughingly  as  Old  Nick.  But  the  devil 
was  nobody's  fool.  Despite  the  loss  of  his  quern, 
his  indefatigability  and  developed  talents  have 
won  for  him  a  place  in  history  equal,  if  not 
superior,  from  the  view -point  of  mere  per 
sonal  achievement,  to  that  of  a  mediaeval  con 
queror  or  modern  hero.  His  tragic  death  at  the 
hands  of  a  common  button-moulder,  as  related 
in  the  legends,  we  must  regard,  not  as  the  record 
of  an  actual  happening,  since  we  know  only  too 
well  that  he  is  still  with  us,  but  as  prophetic 
that  his  career  will  not  continue  beyond  this  life. 
Many  who  have  had  visions  of  hot  griddles, 
burning  oil,  and  the  like  will  be  comforted  by  this 
assurance ;  and  yet  it  is  not  easy  to  foresee  how 
we  can  get  along  without  him  even  in  the  world 
228 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

to  come.  Certain  it  is  that  those  of  us  who  have 
no  cause  for  personal  apprehension  will  not  only 
miss  the  jaunty  goings-on  which  we  now  find 
enlivening,  but  will  also  consider  it  almost  a 
breach  of  faith  to  be  deprived  of  an  occasional 
peek  at  certain  people  we  know  smarting  under 
the  treatment  they  so  richly  deserve  even  now. 
We  really  cannot  tell.  It  may  be  that  the 
Teutonic  notion  is  wrong,  and  that  the  good  old 
Presbyterian  conception  will  yet  be  realized. 
If  so,  how  tempting  the  prospect  of  long  winter 
evenings  before  the  fire,  listening  to  the  sardonic 
prince's  tales  of  his  personal  experiences  among 
our  fellow-men!  We  can  even  now  see  Mark 
Twain  sitting  there  smoking,  drinking  in  those 
autobiographical  reminiscences,  and  slowly  turn 
ing  green  from  envy.  But  meanwhile,  possess 
ing  our  souls  in  patience,  let  us  be  not  accused 
of  unworthy  hedging  if,  at  this  appropriate 
season,  we  ask  the  prayers  of  all  good  people  for 
Satan  himself,  no  less  than  for  his  multitudinous 
flock.  We  shall  rather  be  bringing  ourselves 
into  healthy  accord  with  the  high  sentiments  of 
those  whose  sympathy  finds  bounds  neither  in 
race,  nor  in  clime,  nor  in  geographical  line,  nor 
in  extra-terrestrial  condition,  but  who  desire 
the  universal  welfare — like  Robert  Burns,  who 
thus  exhorted  his  fellow-sinner  to  repentance: 
229 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

'But  fare-you-weel,  Auld  Nickie-Ben! 
O,  wad  ye  tak  a  thought  an'  men'! 
Ye  aiblins  might — I  dinna  ken — 

Still  hae  a  stake: 
I'm  wae  to  think  upo'  yon  den, 

E'en  for  your  sake!" 


Is  God  Omnipotent? 

WE  find  much  that  is  appealing  in  the  new 
theology  that  is  making  such  headway  in  Eng 
land.  Its  objection  to  ecclesiastical  labels;  its 
belief  in  the  essential  oneness  of  God  and  man, 
sharply  differentiating  from  the  Unitarian  theory 
which  makes  a  great  gulf  between  God  and  man ; 
its  refusal  to  admit  any  essential  distinction  be 
tween  humanity  and  the  Deity;  its  insistence 
that  all  men  are  divine,  although  in  a  lesser 
degree  than  Jesus  Christ;  its  treatment  of  the 
Bible  as  literature,  "a  unique  record  of  religious 
experience,"  instead  of  as  a  fount  of  dogma;  its 
rejection  of  the  common  interpretation  of  atone 
ment,  which  makes  one  suffer  for  another's 
fault,  and,  finally,  its  basing  belief  in  the  im 
mortality  of  the  soul  only  on  the  ground  that 
every  individual  consciousness  is  a  ray  of  the 
universal  consciousness  and  cannot  be  destroyed 
— all  these  are  tenets  of  our  own  faith. 

But  one  basic  principle  of  the  old  theology  re- 
230 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

tained  by  the  new  we  must  reject  absolutely. 
We  do  not  believe  that  God  is  omnipotent.  To 
our  mind,  the  name  or  word,  "God,"  stands  for 
the  infinite  reality  which  is  the  source  of  all 
things,  but  is  itself  still  in  process  of  fulfilment, 
in  a  manner  which  is  suggestively  adumbrated 
in  the  evolution  of  humanity.  The  insistence 
of  all  sects  that  God  really  is  all-powerful  has 
done  more  to  retard  the  progress  of  true  religion, 
to  create  doubts  and  misgivings,  and  to  check 
moral  and  spiritual  development  than  all  other 
false  teachings  combined.  How  many  thou 
sands,  perhaps  millions,  have  been  driven  from 
the  church,  from  ideals,  from  uplifting  to  down- 
bearing  associations,  by  the  hideous  picture  of 
such  a  Being  threatening  to  visit  eternal  punish 
ment  upon  all  who  do  not  visibly  fcr.r  and 
tremble  before  Him,  instead  of  letting  them  live 
their  lives  with  such  clear  conscience  as  they 
might,  manfully  willing  to  abide  the  conse 
quences  of  a  fair  balancing  of  their  good  and  evil 
deeds — as  worthy  creatures  of  a  noble  Maker! 
How  many  sincere  beliefs  have  been  shattered 
and  how  many  pure  hearts  have  been  broken  by 
instances  seeming  to  prove  that,  if  He  is  omnip 
otent,  He  must  be  indeed  a  jealous  God,  revel 
ling  in  practices  wantonly  cruel!  What  answer, 
other  than  the  futile  expression  of  inability  to 
231 


WOMEN,    ETC. 

fathom  the  inscrutable  ways  of  Providence,  has 
ever  been,  or  ever  can  be,  made  to  the  infidel's 
pertinent  query,  If  your  God  be  all-powerful  and 
true  and  kind,  why  does  He  permit  sin  and  suf 
fering  to  sadden  countless  generations  of  His  chil 
dren  who  wish  to  revere  and  love  Him  ?  What 
possible  motive  can  induce  service  of  such  a  God 
except  the  very  cowardice  and  fear  which  must 
be  in  His  own  eyes  the  most  contemptible  attri 
butes  of  humankind  ? 

How  quickly,  on  the  other  hand,  are  all  doubts 
resolved,  how  readily  are  all  questions  answered, 
when  once  admission  is  made  that,  lacking  com 
plete  potency,  He,  too,  is  striving  against  the 
forces  of  evil,  and  that  He  seeks  the  co-operation 
of  His  children  instead  of  demanding  their  abase 
ment!  What  inspiration  in  the  call  of  such  a 
God  —  of  a  partly  human  God  to  his  partly 
divine  children — as  contrasted  with  the  irresist 
ible  despair  attending  the  hateful  threats  of  a 
God  whom  we  have  been  taught,  not  to  love, 
but  to  fear — lest  we  perish! 


THE    END 


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NOV  13  1939 


MAY  11)970  OS 

fieCSIVED 

ADD  5  f  7fl  -M  AM 

ArK  c  '    'u   WHIH 

|  ^x.1    >«t«"rv- 

EEC.  CIR. 


HUR   7'75 


DEC     '/ 1983 


CIR.  at  i » • 


NOV  3 11984 


DEC    31984 


CIRCUIATION  DEFT 


LD  21-100r/. 


GENERAL  LIBRARY  -  U.C.  BERKELEY 


986148 


THE  UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


